Daughter looks like her Dad :-(

[Dorset555]

Hi I'm really annoyed that I'm so annoyed about this but my first child (7 week old daughter) looks just like my partner. She has done since she was born and everyone says it...his family. My family ..everyone. any photo we put online is followed by a barrage of comments to him 'oh she's your double' etc.
Firstly I don't want my daughter to look like a 40 year old man. Secondly am I being unreasonable, but I feel really jealous and upset that she doesn't look like me. I feel like I have put so much time and effort into making her and now spend 90% of my time looking after her and I just don't see any of myself in her appearance and literally all of him. To make things worse my partner is not really enjoying being a new dad and I'm trying to help him adjust but I don't even feel he really likes her yet. It all seems very unfair.
I keep checking myself though as I'm so grateful she's a happy healthy baby and this is really very unimportant. But I have to say its getting me down a bit. Am I being unreasonable? Thanks for any comments/advice.

@SmellsLikeWineIGuess it talks about children looking like their father and it being due to increased health benefits. Which is an evolutionary trait not necessarily the first born and it is the effects by the time they're 1. Did you read it all or just the abstract? I'm not arguing just showing that there is scientific correlation to the reasons children look like their father

My DD looks so like her father we joke she was part of some cloning experiment. She's 16 and I nearly died having her. Love her to pieces and couldn't care less I look like her nanny 😁

[quote Hippiechick162]@SmellsLikeWineIGuess it talks about children looking like their father and it being due to increased health benefits. Which is an evolutionary trait not necessarily the first born and it is the effects by the time they're 1. Did you read it all or just the abstract? I'm not arguing just showing that there is scientific correlation to the reasons children look like their father [/quote]
I get that a child looking like its father is correlated with health benefits, including bonding. That makes sense.

But I’m still not seeing any scientific evidence, as is often trotted out on threads like this, that, e.g. first-borns look like their fathers, and it’s nature’s way of ensuring men don’t reject their off-spring.

Because first-borns don’t necessarily look like their fathers, do they? And why does it just apply to first-borns? Why would they be any less doubtful about the paternity of subsequent babies?

And - what of miscarriages? Many women experience one, or even multiple miscarriages, before giving birth to a live baby. This is very common.

So, in fact, the first-born is very often not the first baby. But, still, it’s going to look like its father, just because it happens to be the first baby out?

Be grateful she looks like her daddy, no-one can ever say she's not his!

@SmellsLikeWineIGuess ahhh I see what your saying. No I agree, I was talking in general about all babies having that link. Sorry, take it as the end of a long day at work and studying lol!

All good @Hippiechick162 - I was just wondering if there was anything, as there is this widespread perception that babies coming out looking like Dad for X reason - but this doesn’t actually seem to pan out in reality.

Luckily DH didn’t have some evolutionary urge to reject DS on the basis that he looked just like me and my side of the family (the number of people who say he looks like my brother and Dad, as well as me, must privately irk sometimes!)

You should be grateful you have a healthy happy baby, not annoyed and jealous that she doesn't look like you, unbelievably unreasonable imo!!

Surprised by the responses, I think most mums would be a little miffed! I'd imagine it feels good when people say your kids look like you... I think deep down the OP knows she's being daft but the baby is so young, she'll change constantly.

I massively felt this with my now 25yo and 16yo. Both were the spitting image of their dad, was always commented as so by all that we met and if I hadn't pushed them out (😬) I genuinely could be convinced they weren't mine. Anyway now EVERYONE says they both look like me and have my mannerisms! Don't stress right now!

Looks change as babies grow. My experience is the same as many other posters in here - my DD looked exactly like her Dad when she was born, but now, 14 years later, looks so much more like me.

OP, I feel your frustration though. When my DD was a baby the only thing she seemed to get from me were her dimples (in her cheeks). All DH’s brothers have dimples on their chins. I used to counter the “She looks exactly like DH” comments with “At least she has my dimples.” I said this once to MIL, who straightaway said, “But BIL has dimples!” OMG - just let me have this one tiny part of my baby, please! But many years later she looks nothing like them, and very much like me.

Like many of life’s irrational, this too will pass. Congratulations on being a mum

• irritations, not irrationals!

It may make you feel better to know my friend has twins, one looked like her older daughter at birth, the other looked like her dad at birth (twins different dad to older child) Now 2 years old, both twins have a look of older daughter though none of the 3 kids look like mum so then again may not make you feel better lol.

They almost all look like their dads when they are very young. It's helping you to try to get him involved...easier when the baby looks like you. And what she looks like now is no reflection of what she will look like later. When I was a very tiny baby, I looked like my mom. Once I was three, you couldn't tell photos of me from photos of my dad, except by the obvious age of the photograph. As I grew up, though, I had my dad's features, and my mom's gorgeous coloring. By the time your daughter is a teenager, she will probably have a blend of the both of you.

@Dorset555

Hi I'm really annoyed that I'm so annoyed about this but my first child (7 week old daughter) looks just like my partner. She has done since she was born and everyone says it...his family. My family ..everyone. any photo we put online is followed by a barrage of comments to him 'oh she's your double' etc. Firstly I don't want my daughter to look like a 40 year old man. Secondly am I being unreasonable, but I feel really jealous and upset that she doesn't look like me. I feel like I have put so much time and effort into making her and now spend 90% of my time looking after her and I just don't see any of myself in her appearance and literally all of him. To make things worse my partner is not really enjoying being a new dad and I'm trying to help him adjust but I don't even feel he really likes her yet. It all seems very unfair. I keep checking myself though as I'm so grateful she's a happy healthy baby and this is really very unimportant. But I have to say its getting me down a bit. Am I being unreasonable? Thanks for any comments/advice.

Bless you Dorset. Your a new mom, your wiped out, hormones are all over and your feeling sensitive. That's O.K. Very normal. Don't beat yourself up.

Leave your hubby to develop his own relationship with your daughter. Providing he is doing his part practically leave them to it.

Make sure you get some you time and self care. Carrying, giving birth, hormones, looking after your baby without all the rest is enough on its own.

Cooing relatives and daft comments come with the territory. Make sure you get some me time.

Oh and the kipper you slapped yourself with - slap your hubby with it if he isn't pulling his weight 😉

My daughter looked very much like her dad when she was born. Now she's 16, you can still see a resemblance. However, she looks more like my sister than me.

My eldest looked like Pootle from the Flumps when he was tiny.

Strapping 19 year old now and looks neither like me, the ex, or Pootle.

I'm not sure Ex is his real dad tbh

Aw bless you, yup YABU, but with a 7 week old it’s totally acceptable to BU so put the kettle on, open a packet of biscuits and give your little princess a hug.

My princess is the female version of her dad but with my hair colour. I don’t think she looks anything like me but I have been stopped by strangers on the street to say that she is my double and that they have never seen a child look so much like their mother 🤷‍♀️

My son was a clone of his dad for six months, he is now very much mine.

Truth is, like them all, they are a mix of both - best of both worlds - and as you watch them grow it is amazing to see hints of you both emerge x

Yabu to be bithered to that extent but U do sympathise. My dd is now almost a year old and the "oh, isn't she just her daddy's double!" comments are getting quite tedious now.

Your post has made me very upset and angry.
You has better wise up, grow up and just stop ( your post is truly appalling) - before you inflict your narcissistic ways on your innocent daughter.
My mother gave me a life time of resentment as I look exactly like my father and ridiculed my looks every way she could. So when I had my child, I cut all ties with her as I could inflict that on my child. I've grown up to have no confidence in my looks at all thanks to my narcissistic mother. You will do the same giving your child a complex and later in life she will no longer have anything to do with you

My daughter was and still is is her dads double shes a year old now never once crossed my mind about me not wanting to her to look like her dad only on mn do I read this stuff bizarre !

I’d say you were being unreasonable. My DS Is the spitting image of his dad when he was his age and I’m okay with that I made a baby with his dad after all so I clearly think he’s quite attractive.

If it’s bothering you that much talk to your midwife, the fact it’s getting you down might be a sign of postnatal depression.

Congratulations on your new baby!

Thanks @keffie12 :-) made me smile
Might delete this thread now its escalated!

At least she doesn't look like your partner from her waist down.

But seriously - it's not her looks that's the problem, it's the fact you have to mentally support your partner when you have your hands and brain full of newborn baby. Have his and your families offered any help with that, or is their presence in your life limited only to comments that annoy you?

My mother always hated me because I looked like my dad, and nothing like her.

She would say to me all the time, "your cousin michellelooks like me, you don't"..

Do women actually know that they don't create the baby by themselves? that it. has 50 % DNA of another person?

I am getingfed up of mothers who think that because they grow the baby inside them, that they 100% own the baby. You don't. Another human being was involved in a lot of their creation, not just you

Op, don't post photos on social media if the comments are getting you down. I just deactivated my FB and feel so free!

I can imagine it is a bit shit but when you see other people and then photos of their parents you will always be able to tell characteristics inherited from both. So she may look like him now but things related to your looks will start to appear :)