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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Daughter looks like her Dad :-(

492 replies

Dorset555 · 06/04/2021 15:43

Hi I'm really annoyed that I'm so annoyed about this but my first child (7 week old daughter) looks just like my partner. She has done since she was born and everyone says it...his family. My family ..everyone. any photo we put online is followed by a barrage of comments to him 'oh she's your double' etc.
Firstly I don't want my daughter to look like a 40 year old man. Secondly am I being unreasonable, but I feel really jealous and upset that she doesn't look like me. I feel like I have put so much time and effort into making her and now spend 90% of my time looking after her and I just don't see any of myself in her appearance and literally all of him. To make things worse my partner is not really enjoying being a new dad and I'm trying to help him adjust but I don't even feel he really likes her yet. It all seems very unfair.
I keep checking myself though as I'm so grateful she's a happy healthy baby and this is really very unimportant. But I have to say its getting me down a bit. Am I being unreasonable? Thanks for any comments/advice.

OP posts:
Happycat1212 · 06/04/2021 21:12

All babies don’t look like their dads. Some do some don’t but no they don’t “ALL” don’t know why people keep saying that tbh

Mylittlesandwich · 06/04/2021 21:17

DS apparently looked like DS when he was born. He apparently looks like me now at 16 months. I say apparently because I just can't see familial similarity. I wonder if there's a name for it because I've never met anyone else as terrible at it as me.

Flowers24 · 06/04/2021 21:19

Don't be silly !! People always say stuff like that and anyway babies change and she may look more like you in a few months!

Nillynally · 06/04/2021 21:31

You're 7 weeks postpartum and probably shattered of course YABU. Don't worry about it, it annoyed me too but you get over it x

MirandaWestsNewBFF · 06/04/2021 22:04

She will probably change as she gets older.

My first biological child (I have an older adopted son) was born looking really like his dad, not like me at all. As he’s grown his likeness to his dad has receded and he now looks really, really like one of my brothers - so definitely much more like our side of the family. I couldn’t have anticipated that when he was new.

Your husband’s family will see how much she looks like him. Your family will notice the resemblances to you!

If it helps, when my first birth child was born my husband (who isn’t my adopted sons dad) really struggled at first. He’s a very devoted dad now! It sometimes takes time to adjust xxxx

SmellsLikeWineIGuess · 06/04/2021 22:44

Sorry you’re feeling bummed OP, I get it.

DC1 (DS) came out looking like the spit of me, and I loved it.

It’s an absolute nonsense that all babies come out looking like their Dad. Mine didn’t, and doesn’t to this day - except for his smattering of freckles, inherited from DH, DS is, and always has been the spit of me. It’s like looking in a boy-shaped mirror.

DD looked just like MIL in the early days! I can tell you I wasn’t thrilled about that.

But she doesn’t any more - if anything, she looks like my Mum, but with DH’s colouring.

In any case - they can and do often evolve. Not always, though!

KeyboardWorriers · 06/04/2021 22:51

My children both looked like a cross between their dad and a potato for the first few months of their lives. They now ( poor souls) look like smaller versions of me ! So much so that my daughter freaked out when she saw a photo of me at her age.

LancesGold · 06/04/2021 23:05

YABU.
My twins are egg donor children. They obviously look nothing like me. My DD is the spit of her dad who left us all when they were 15 months old.

Do I care? No I don't give a toss and I never have. Your child's looks do not and should not matter.

Foghead · 06/04/2021 23:15

My dd looks like my mil. My mil even says to her ‘you look like me!’ as often as she can. It does annoy me but my mil is wonderful and my dd is amazing so I just try to let it go.

They’ll just look like themselves eventually and be beautiful with it. Try not to dwell on it.

Botanica · 07/04/2021 07:22

I can understand as I felt a little similar when my first was born last year. I think it was partially because I always imagined her in my mind to look like a mini me and then she didn't.

Just wanted to let you know that the feelings will wear off in time so just bear with them for now. And also, they change so quickly too. From 0-6 months our little one definitely resembled her dad, but more recently she looks a lot more like me. Their looks evolve so quickly at this age.

Try and remember they are there own little person and may have traits and characteristics all of their own too, not linked to either of you!
Hope you feel better about it all soon, it will pass x

SchadenfreudePersonified · 07/04/2021 12:26

@LalalalalalaLand123

I can't believe this thread is real. You (presumably) had sex with a man you didn't mind the look of, so your child resembles him. Honestly I don't even know what to say. If this is the biggest concern you have in life, your baby looking like your partner and not you, the rest of your life must be a bed of roses. I think you have a lot of maturing to do if you're going to manage parenting and everything it's going to throw at you.
Oh, go away!

OP has carried this baby for nine months and the only person who gets the credit for her being such a beautiful child is the dad! PLUS OP's hormones are all over the shop - when you are like that you are so volatile just need to lose a button of your blouse and you're ready to slash your wrists!

OP- your baby will grow into her features and she will be perfect - and you will gradually get control of your wayward oestrogen.

You will both be fine.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 07/04/2021 12:30

At least no-one has reported getting a "Oh - what a beautiful baby! You're husband must be very good-looking."

Grin
Popcornbetty · 07/04/2021 12:36

Im sorry but 7 weeks old is really too early to say who baby looks like as her features won't have developed yet! Dc1 went from looking like dh at birth to looking like me to looking like him again and then me abd now a mixture! People who swore he was the double of his daddy now say he is more like me atm. He is 4 so I'm sure he will change again as he grows. They change so much as they grow so what your baby looks like now wont be what she looks like at 5!

KnockKnockPotato · 07/04/2021 12:39

Everyone said this about my daughter when she was tiny. With no hair. Yes she looked like her dad.
Now she's 2, had super curly hair, her face shape has changed. She looks just like I did when I was 2.

Popcornbetty · 07/04/2021 12:40

And ignore all the hate on this thread as i understand how you're feeling; hope you're recovering well op. It really is too early and even if baby did grow into features similar to your dh she may have other personality traits or likenesses to you.

parsnipsnotsprouts · 07/04/2021 12:46

I have two daughters and they both look like their respective dads. It is sort of annoying. However I don’t think I’m very attractive and they are gorgeous girls so they’re probably better off. Are you very pretty op? Is that the issue?

Ploughingthrough · 07/04/2021 12:52

Everyone used to go on and on about how my DD looked like my DH as a baby. Shes 8 now and is my mini me! My DS does look like DH though. I never cared either way, they ended up looking like themselves and it really doesn't matter.

fishonabicycle · 07/04/2021 12:55

All babies look like their dads to begin with. There are evolutionary reasons why this is a good thing.

GrumpyHoonMain · 07/04/2021 12:59

DS looked like DH for the first 12 weeks, now it’s clear he’s the spitting image of me. So don’t worry it will change lol

amusedbush · 07/04/2021 13:03

Everyone said I looked like my dad when I was born (I didn’t, I looked like a potato, like all newborns Grin) but I grew up to be the absolute spit of my mum. I have dark hair and hazel eyes like my mum, my brother is fair with blue eyes like our dad.

hellolittlebaby · 07/04/2021 13:03

They all do, it's a biological/evolution thing from caveman times! Apparently it's a way for dads to know they're theirs and not reject them! Hopefully you know what I mean. My baby has had me up since 4am. I'm tired and not making much sense 😆

Every baby I've known has started out looking the the spit of their dad but looks more like a mix of mum, dad and other relatives as they grow.

Bloodypunkrockers · 07/04/2021 13:05

Has anyone mentioned yet that it's an evolutionary thing, in case the OP wasn't aware
Grin

TheGoogleMum · 07/04/2021 13:06

She might look more like you as she gets older! As a newborn my daughter looked more like baby photos of DH but now she's 2 everyone says she's my mini me.

StepAwayFromTheEcclesCakes · 07/04/2021 13:10

Think yourself lucky, most babies look like potatoes 😁👶🏻👀

MrsKellySeveride · 07/04/2021 13:11

DS16 was my double until he reached his teenage years then morphed into the identical twin of his Dad, albeit a bit taller.

It sometimes takes my breath away how alike they are considering he started off as my mini-me.

Enjoy your lovely baby - this is not something to get yourself worked up about Smile