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Original poster

Daughter looks like her Dad :-(

492 replies

Dorset555 · 06/04/2021 15:43

Hi I'm really annoyed that I'm so annoyed about this but my first child (7 week old daughter) looks just like my partner. She has done since she was born and everyone says it...his family. My family ..everyone. any photo we put online is followed by a barrage of comments to him 'oh she's your double' etc.
Firstly I don't want my daughter to look like a 40 year old man. Secondly am I being unreasonable, but I feel really jealous and upset that she doesn't look like me. I feel like I have put so much time and effort into making her and now spend 90% of my time looking after her and I just don't see any of myself in her appearance and literally all of him. To make things worse my partner is not really enjoying being a new dad and I'm trying to help him adjust but I don't even feel he really likes her yet. It all seems very unfair.
I keep checking myself though as I'm so grateful she's a happy healthy baby and this is really very unimportant. But I have to say its getting me down a bit. Am I being unreasonable? Thanks for any comments/advice.

OP posts:
nameisnotimportant · 07/04/2021 13:30

All babies definitely don't always look like their dad. My daughter came out literally looking exactly like me. I was actually a little disappointed because my husband has stunning features, nice big eyes and lips and I'm pretty ordinary 😂 however my daughter now looks like a really even mix of both of us. I always say babies really start to look like themselves around six months. When I look at newborn pictures of my son, I can't even tell it's him because it looks nothing like him. Try not to let this ruin this lovely newborn period. As she grows she will most likely pick up your mannerisms and start to show some of your features too

cc1975 · 07/04/2021 17:22

I look exactly like my Dad - people guessed who I was when I went to his office as a teenager. It didn’t do much for my confidence then but I don’t think it’s held me back in feeling like a woman.

DS1 looks like my father in law and DS2 looks like my husband so I did rather lose out genetically. But they’re all beautiful to me!

sunshinemode · 07/04/2021 17:26

@Soubriquet

All babies look like their dad when they are born

I think it’s a survival thing so men of olde would say the baby was theirs because it looked like them

Soubriquet is right. This is how babies are when born. As mothers it is clear whose baby it is, less so for fathers so they look like their Dads. It does change. My baby son was the image of his father when born, now at 13 there is no denying his mother!
Graunaile2017 · 07/04/2021 17:38

Off topic but...With no mirrors, and water being a pretty crap mirror, how did early men/women even know what they looked like to know that the kid looked like him??

Italianmeringuebuttercream · 07/04/2021 17:44

My dd was/is the double of her dad and shares a lot of his temperament. Shes way more confident and athletic than I'd ever been and I love it! My ds on the other hand is exactly like me, looks and personality. He as my absolute double as a youngster but is looking more like his dad as he gets older. Dd has my hair and bum (not good things to have inherited!)

AtlantaGinandTonic · 07/04/2021 17:45

Both my babies looked like clones of me when they were born. I’ve clearly failed at evolution. Grin

Thisgroupneverceasestoamazeme · 07/04/2021 17:45

Just to be that person...I have had 8 unsuccessful pregnancies so to me this seems very unreasonable and ungrateful but these things are relative. Sounds like it has been a real disappointment to you to not at least recognise a bit of yourself in your baby.

A friend of ours had a similar reaction to you and found it really got her down. Then her husband died unexpectedly in an accident and she’s so grateful that their daughter looks just like her dad (and she really does)

Sorry to be a Debbie downer but thought this might give you some perspective

Lucyk1 · 07/04/2021 17:47

Yes, you're being very unreasonable. You. Know how genetics works right? Why on earth you presumed she was going to look like you is abit silly. Is doesn't matter that she's a girl, and people arnt meaning that your daughter looks to 40, nor does your 40 year old husband look like 7 weeks. It's just similar features. Eyes, nose etc.
For a moment you would think you didn't like your husband... Most people would like their kid to resemble their partner. Can you imagine having a kid that looked like you and your husband saying he hates that the kid looks like you. Not nice is it.

BiscoffAnythingIsTheWayForward · 07/04/2021 17:49

It’s probably all been said, but she will change many times between now and being older. Don’t worry. It’s so hard to rationalise things when hormones and are raging etc. My first looked like me and still does but my second is the spitting image of his dad. Third is a mix of both of us. They’ve all got certain features of him (chin dimple) and my big ears 😬🙈 sorry kids 😂😆 You’ll probably look back and wonder why you felt like this at all. Enjoy every minute of staring at her endlessly 😉 ❤️

Nikileigh · 07/04/2021 17:52

All 3 of my children look like my husband. My oldest is the absolute double of him. His looks his hair his mannerisms. He’s him through and through. My youngest and only daughter is starting to look like me as she is getting older. I’ll fully admit it used to bother the hell out of me as a new mum when the first thing anyone said when meeting him was god isn’t he like his dad. 🙄.

riceuten · 07/04/2021 17:53

I think the real issue here is your other half's lack of engagement, and this is just a displacement activity. You're annoyed with her because she doesn't look like you? How can she help that.

Sounds like Baby Blues/Post Natal Depression in spades

Mandora83 · 07/04/2021 17:55

If it makes you feel any better, I used to get this all the time with my daughter (now 5) from birth, and it did used to get me down on a level that I now realise was silly and irrational, but I’d had a really difficult and traumatic pregnancy and wanted to recognise something of me there for the trouble! And not that you should look for this but babies do change as they grow up - she has kept his eyes and lovely long eyelashes but people now say she’s more of a mini me as she’s got older. Just enjoy her, especially because this time goes so quickly x

Mitzimccormack · 07/04/2021 18:00

I love babies, but even I think that pretty well all newbies look like old men. Boys and Girls. She will develop over the next few months and you will begin to see yourself in her. I have 3 sons who I personally don't think look like me at all, but then I will laugh and start them off, and we find that we all sound the same. And although they look like their dad, they talk to me, and cook with me, and like the same sort of movies as I do. So please just relax and enjoy her.

Pinkfluff76 · 07/04/2021 18:04

All new babies look like their Dad. It’s nature. There were no DNA or paternity tests until fairly recently. You didn’t get unlucky OP. It’s a thing. Sorry you feel so rubbish. Babies faces change so much you’ll look back at a photo and think it’s a different child. Hang in there!!

hermesandhades · 07/04/2021 18:08

Pull yourself together.
Be grateful for your daughter.

Localocal · 07/04/2021 18:10

Not to presume, but are you getting enough support, OP? I'm reading a lot between the lines here, but it sounds like you are struggling a bit. Having your first baby is a huge emotional upheaval at any time, but now, with no antenatal group coffee mornings, and so much strain and isolation, it's worse than ever. And if your DP is struggling to come to terms with being a father then you will naturally be feeling like all the pressure is on you.

If you are feeling overwhelmed, or emotional, or randomly angry, please know that the place you are in is hard for all of us and the best thing you can do is acknowledge your feelings and ask for some help. Your health visitor would be a good place to start.

Go easy on yourself. It's not wrong to want to see yourself in your baby, but it's wrong to go spiralling out about it without telling someone you need some support.

Tessabelle1 · 07/04/2021 18:10

Logically YABU but due to new hormones and lack of sleep you are forgiven! She nay change as she gets older though so don't be too despondent x

Plunger · 07/04/2021 18:10

Don't you like your partner???

moofolk · 07/04/2021 18:12

Babies look like their dads at first so the dads don't eat them.

She may grow out if it. 😉

CPDubs · 07/04/2021 18:13

I think you’re being unreasonable in some respects however. 7 weeks postpartum you’d be a little odd if you weren’t having some weird, unreasonable annoyance at something. My daughter looks like neither of us, we honestly question if she was switched over at birth and have conversations about it if/when she would have been switched 🤣 I’d much rather she looked like one of us (me preferably but hubby at a push!)

mylifestory · 07/04/2021 18:14

its a well known thing that girls especially when born look like their dads, its a bonding thing. look it up! dont worry she will soon look like u ;-)

19thNamechange · 07/04/2021 18:14

My baby didn't look like either of us, and everyone went on about it, which annoyed me at the time. He's 8 now and still doesn't look like us. I'm pleased about it now though, as he's gorgeous and both me and my partner are ugly mugs.

Origamiheaven · 07/04/2021 18:16

When my boys were born and the who does he look like ? conversations were happening. My MIL would say ' he looks like himself ' despite the fact they were the spit of their dad. She died 4 years ago and I do miss her lovely attitude and sense. One ds is still like his dad at 19, the other not at all at 17.

190190tnt · 07/04/2021 18:20

I had all this too, especially from PIL, 'Ive never seen anyone who looks so much his Dad' , 'he's definately a ( DH surname)', 'oh you can see straight away whose son he is' (DH's),... anyone else it wouldnt have bothered me but MIL is a control freak and over many years has taken any opportunity to have a dig at me...but normally, to be honest, people do say these things, it's human nature and don't let it spoil a lovely time with your baby. In my case DS who is now at secondary school - and is still the image of DH - is much more like me personality wise (poor kid 😂) so we sort of 'get' each other, so that was a bonus...(and up yours MIL)

OhWhyNot · 07/04/2021 18:20

I think it’s evolution for reasons already given

And nearly all oldest children I know look like their dad

I’m a female version of my dad and look very much like his sisters (my aunts) so much so I look so much like one of my aunts and far more so that any of her three daughters

Ds looked like his dad from day one and still does now he is a teenager (but has a mix of personality that makes him his own person)

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