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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Daughter looks like her Dad :-(

492 replies

Dorset555 · 06/04/2021 15:43

Hi I'm really annoyed that I'm so annoyed about this but my first child (7 week old daughter) looks just like my partner. She has done since she was born and everyone says it...his family. My family ..everyone. any photo we put online is followed by a barrage of comments to him 'oh she's your double' etc.
Firstly I don't want my daughter to look like a 40 year old man. Secondly am I being unreasonable, but I feel really jealous and upset that she doesn't look like me. I feel like I have put so much time and effort into making her and now spend 90% of my time looking after her and I just don't see any of myself in her appearance and literally all of him. To make things worse my partner is not really enjoying being a new dad and I'm trying to help him adjust but I don't even feel he really likes her yet. It all seems very unfair.
I keep checking myself though as I'm so grateful she's a happy healthy baby and this is really very unimportant. But I have to say its getting me down a bit. Am I being unreasonable? Thanks for any comments/advice.

OP posts:
gothicmummy · 07/04/2021 20:23

Both of my children look exactly like their dad's but they both have my attitude, they also have my toes, it doesn't bother me, what does bother me Is having to argue with what is essentially myself because they are both so stubborn and lack any amount of patience 😂

user1491320660 · 07/04/2021 20:29

My daughter when she was born looked just like my husband. Now...she is almost 4 and really is a mini-me; looks just like me and has my personality! Things can change.

CharlotteRose90 · 07/04/2021 20:33

Aww bless you. I really wouldn’t worry. Babies tend to look like either mum or dad when their born. Just because you birthed her doesn’t mean she’ll automatically look like you. I think your a little emotional. I’d be thrilled if my baby looked like my lovely partner. Enjoy having a newborn and watch how she’ll grow.

ChubbyMoomin · 07/04/2021 20:34

I remember feeling a bit like my this actually- doesn’t he look like his dad? Again and again! Gets on your nerves after a bit.
Anyway 8 years later and my son looks much more like me now and I love it!

Nope1721 · 07/04/2021 20:37

All babies look like their dad for the first few weeks. I was told it's a nature thing, helped fathers to bond with their babies for thousands of years. My son was the same but now looks a lot like me too.

Lindylou2703 · 07/04/2021 20:37

Hormones and tiredness are probably playing a part here. Don't beat yourself up for feeling like this. And yes, your baby will change a lot - mine was the spit of his daddy but is now my little clone!

nopuppiesallowed · 07/04/2021 20:41

My first child looked exactly like my husband. The only bit that looked like me were the huge ears (if I flapped mine, I'd take off). My husband didn't bond with any of our 3 children for quite a long time but I don't think that is unusual.

DeepThinkingGirl · 07/04/2021 20:44

I get it op.

It almost seems like the world is congratulating him for the job you have done and that he doesn’t really even same grateful to have achieved.

Don’t worry.. your daughter will develop personality and interact with you in many ways and will become more than a little doll. Try not to focus on getting approval from the rest of the world about how you did a fabulous job Giving birth.

The world telling fathers their baby looks like them is natures way of helping them bond. We get all the hormones on our side.

It’s not personal. She will resemble u more soon. Or act like a unique human being and you won’t feel like you’re mothering your husbands Doppler ganger.

She is unique. Try discover her

Mumkins42 · 07/04/2021 20:47

It seems the real reason for your reaction is something else; most likely resentment that your partner isn't pulling his weight. Babies change so much, she will be her own person visually soon enough. Although you're only human and need to just accept that this is triggering your resentment, maybe try keep reminding yourself this is about your partner not your baby. They will feel any ongoing issues you develop over this. It sounds hard going at the moment with all you have on. Hope your husband can start to come round soon and help you out more.

Greenmandm · 07/04/2021 21:01

My daughter looked like her dad 100% and she still does now at 6 years old. I have no problem with this at all. She looks like his photocopy and so many people have made jokes saying "where I was when she was born." Or "has my husband gave birth to her?" Confused
Just enjoy your lovely baby and don't worry. Flowers

Livpool · 07/04/2021 21:16

YABU

Although my DS is the image of DH. He is 5 and genuinely looks like his clone. Strangers (to me) who knew DH as child have come up to me and asked if he is Dh's child (he grew in a very close suburb and PIL still live there).

I was basically an incubator 😂

Chooseausernamenow · 07/04/2021 21:17

You’re being ridiculous. Who cares who she looks like. As long as she’s healthy that’s all that matters. Apart from anything she’ll change as she gets older. Stop stressing and enjoy her.

Amberleaf12 · 07/04/2021 21:22

@trevthecat

They always look like dad in the beginning. They are made that way for survival and bonding
This

My daughter looked like her dad and my son looked like his dad’s grandad. No doubt they were his kids.

As they grew older their appearance changed. My son now is a spitting image of me and my family and my daughter has my eyes and other features that are mine but that being said still manages to look like her dad.

Babies change. It’s a survival and binding thing for the men x

Bobbiebigbum · 07/04/2021 21:24

It's an evolutionary thing apparently. First babies do look like their dads so the dads know it's their child. That's what I've read.

momonpurpose · 07/04/2021 21:27

My daughter is a twin to her father my ex dp. Has been even from the 3d sonogram. I have been mistaken for the nanny or people think I am her step mom. I get it. But she is MY daughter. It's annoying sure but your baby is beautiful I am sure. You will lean to roll your eyes at comments trust me 10 years of hearing it I just laugh now

cherry2727 · 07/04/2021 21:31

I have put so much time and effort into making her and now spend 90% of my time looking after her and I just don't see any of myself in her appearance and literally all of him.

You didn't make her op - if you did then she would have looked like you!GrinYou released an egg which fertilised and carried her for 9 months . I give you 1 year before your worries suddenly shifts to more glorious issues GrinGrinGrin

CauliflowerBalti · 07/04/2021 21:36

Bless you. I chose YANBU. YAB hormonal and tired and pissed off. She doesn't even have the decency to LOOK like you. I hear you...

Bloodypunkrockers · 07/04/2021 21:53

@Bobbiebigbum

It's an evolutionary thing apparently. First babies do look like their dads so the dads know it's their child. That's what I've read.
Ooooh. Where did you read that. That's new information
BigPaperBag · 07/04/2021 21:55

My son is the double of my ex-husband. He’s literally just how I remember him when I first met him, they even have the same mannerisms. It’s actually quite scary sometimes! He looks nothing like me whatsoever. Annoying but hey 😂 I sympathise @Dorset555 but enjoy your new baby, you’ll get used to it.

SmellsLikeWineIGuess · 07/04/2021 21:56

@Bobbiebigbum

It's an evolutionary thing apparently. First babies do look like their dads so the dads know it's their child. That's what I've read.
Doesn’t explain my DC1 who’s the complete mirror-image of me.

I see this ‘theory’ bandied about on here, but have never seen any peer-reviewed scientific findings along these lines....

DC1 is 100% DH’s.

Thirtyysomething · 07/04/2021 22:01

Might be an old wives’ tale but I’ve heard newborns look more like their dads, something to do with bonding with the baby?? My DD was her fathers double for the first few years but now she looks like me, if that’s any comfort!

Hippiechick162 · 07/04/2021 22:04

@SmellsLikeWineIGuess www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0167629616303666?via%3Dihub

This is one that I studied as it links to children being healthier they resemble fathers. It's from 2018 and it was in passing as part of my forensic psychology. But there are always exceptions to the rules.

TheNinny · 07/04/2021 22:05

This thread makes me nervous as my DD didnt really look like me or DH when born. She looks a bit more like me at 18 mo. Guess if we were cavemen he'd have left me by now 😂 and he is defo the dad!! 😉

SmellsLikeWineIGuess · 07/04/2021 22:20

[quote Hippiechick162]@SmellsLikeWineIGuess www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0167629616303666?via%3Dihub

This is one that I studied as it links to children being healthier they resemble fathers. It's from 2018 and it was in passing as part of my forensic psychology. But there are always exceptions to the rules.[/quote]
This study is about infant health at the age of one.

It’s not about first-born children looking like their father?

pickaxer · 07/04/2021 22:36

I know OP, I get this all the time both kids. They don't look a bit like me either of them. Meh, but they are gorgeous to me anyway.

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