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Original poster

Daughter looks like her Dad :-(

492 replies

Dorset555 · 06/04/2021 15:43

Hi I'm really annoyed that I'm so annoyed about this but my first child (7 week old daughter) looks just like my partner. She has done since she was born and everyone says it...his family. My family ..everyone. any photo we put online is followed by a barrage of comments to him 'oh she's your double' etc.
Firstly I don't want my daughter to look like a 40 year old man. Secondly am I being unreasonable, but I feel really jealous and upset that she doesn't look like me. I feel like I have put so much time and effort into making her and now spend 90% of my time looking after her and I just don't see any of myself in her appearance and literally all of him. To make things worse my partner is not really enjoying being a new dad and I'm trying to help him adjust but I don't even feel he really likes her yet. It all seems very unfair.
I keep checking myself though as I'm so grateful she's a happy healthy baby and this is really very unimportant. But I have to say its getting me down a bit. Am I being unreasonable? Thanks for any comments/advice.

OP posts:
Glitterandmud · 07/04/2021 18:20

You've had some harsh responses here, after a horrific birth the last thing I wanted to hear was "she looks like her dad /random relative on dhs side". Luckily DHs family live abroad so once they had gone home the comments stopped, and dds looks changed so she now looks a mix of us both. I think it's just a random, can be insensitive but isn't meant to be comment people say for something to say, like "are you sure there's not 2 in there" when you're pregnant.

You will see more of you in your DD as she grows, maybe not all looks, maybe your personality, your interests she will share. Flowers

Heatherjayne1972 · 07/04/2021 18:21

Meh. All three of mine look like their dads side in one way or another
It is what it is

Nothing you can do about it tho

ThistleTits · 07/04/2021 18:33

Awww. My daughter was the absolute image of her dad but less so now. My eldest granddaughter was exactly like him too, once again (at 2 years old), she's not very like him at all. Don't worry, they change every Monday morning.

JFM27 · 07/04/2021 18:34

Lots of girls look like their dads .As i get older i see my dad looking back at me in mirror,ive my mums petite slim build but facially ive my dads face shape,eyes,nose skin tone and even my teeth are same.im fine with that ,he died at 98 with all of hislol.all his features feminised.lol.Look at your friends kids and your friends too,i bet you will see many girls resemble their dads more than their mums,

Its foolish to get upset about it,a friend of mine has always a difficult relationship with her mum because her mum is divorced from her dad and it wasnt a good divorce and my friend strongly resembles her dad.Seems ridiculous to me,

ConfusedCarrie · 07/04/2021 18:36

Get out some old baby photos. I would say DD looks like her dad a lot. It upset me a lot too as DS1 and DS2 are the dead spit of dad too. Last weekend, my DM got out some old photos and I mistakenly thought DM had shown me a pic of DD. No it was DSis. She is exactly like my sister and I hadn't realised it in the last 7 months.

LaLaLandIsNoFun · 07/04/2021 18:38

I think it would be really helpful for you to talk this through with someone

RaspberryCola · 07/04/2021 18:40

I have three kids - the DS1 looks like his dad but with my eyes and hair, DS2 looks exactly like his dad (like a tiny clone), and my daughter looks like my SIL. I don’t have strong genetics clearly!

I got together with my DH because I think he is good looking (then he turned out to be a nice bloke too lol), so I’m glad the kids are good looking too!

optimistic40 · 07/04/2021 18:42

My daughter came out looking like her dad. Now she's a mix of both (though I think more like his side of the family). My son came out looking like my side of the family (my dad tbh) and is now a bit of a mix as well!

Fembot123 · 07/04/2021 18:43

I’m surprised that some people have been so harsh to someone that’s not long had the biggest upheaval in their lives, my DD1 was my husband’s spitting image but not any more, I don’t think any of them particularly look like either of us now.

Fembot123 · 07/04/2021 18:44

@LaLaLandIsNoFun

I think it would be really helpful for you to talk this through with someone
Wtf 😳
Flyingf1edgelings · 07/04/2021 18:48

My kids looked like their dad, they never grew out of it Grin dh a handsome man so I’m good with it 😄 my eyes though.

knockles · 07/04/2021 18:58

Don't be hard on yourself. Your navigating parent hood with a hubby that is taking time to adjust. Lots of hormones flowed when I had my child...I think anything you feel is ok for now, don't put more pressure on yourself. Your not bad for having these feelings...very normal x

Emma1234567 · 07/04/2021 19:11

@Soubriquet

All babies look like their dad when they are born

I think it’s a survival thing so men of olde would say the baby was theirs because it looked like them

Absolutely true! I actually loved that our babies look like their dad when they were born because I love him! Doesn’t last long though, they change so quickly. Maybe you’re just in the new mum/hormonal/intense stage, once you’re able to get a bit more sleep and a bit more perspective I think your look back and think you were being a bit crazy!
Fluffy20 · 07/04/2021 19:13

My son looked like his dad when born now he looks like me :) it changes every day

WeWereOnABreak10 · 07/04/2021 19:18

My first looks like her daddy. Its uncanny. She is also a daddies girl (so be prepared for that to potentially happen too) My second looks like me!

Olu123 · 07/04/2021 19:24

Aww, this made me chuckle a bit OP, my first looked like his dad even on the scan pic before he was born, he had the same head shape 🤣. My mum made it sound like I didn’t try hard enough for him to look like me.
He still looks like his dad but he has my brains. Lol
Try not to let it get you down, you have a perfect healthy baby and their looks keep changing over time.

Original poster
Dorset555 · 07/04/2021 19:46

Thanks for the helpful comments..I'm really grateful although wasn't expecting 400+ comments!! I think it is a self indulgent sleep deprived hormonal wobble, consolidated by my partners struggles, rather than any pnd..but thank you for the concern. I love my daughter and I am so grateful for her, its was just an annoyance that I needed to vent!
Thanks all

OP posts:
Rachand23 · 07/04/2021 19:47

Perhaps your experiencing post natal depression if this is bothering you so much? Speak to the nurse.

OhWhyNot · 07/04/2021 19:50

I noticed how much ds was like me in personality when he was about 10 my calm laid ds had a huge tantrum when he didn’t get to buy Mayfair on Monopoly 😁 I remember doing the same thing

It will come and it’s lovely but also lovely to see them grow into their own personality

Shell4429 · 07/04/2021 19:51

My son was the spit of his dad until puberty when his features matured and now he has my mouth and nose. He’s built like his father but now he has my features including my dark brown hair (his dad was blonde/light brown.) In my experience (I also have three sons with my first husband) you don’t truly know what they will look like until they get into their teens, so don’t despair! Maybe you have a touch of PND and it’s clouding your thoughts.

Derkle · 07/04/2021 19:56

As someone who has just failed their fifth and final round of IVF with donor eggs, I think you are being very unreasonable. Love her, adore her, cherish her. She is perfect.
Your bigger problem, as I see it, is your husband not liking being a new father.

Hippiechick162 · 07/04/2021 19:57

From an evolutionary perspective it's said that babies initially look more like their fathers as a throw back to show who their fathers are as maternity is obvious (she came out of you) but paternity is less clear cut! Her features will change. Congratulations on your baby, enjoy this time, blink and you miss it! My eldest is 22 this year and has her own babies xxx

Frazzledstar1 · 07/04/2021 20:10

All babies are born looking like their dad, it’s an evolutionary thing from back in the caveman days so they did not reject their offspring!

Also, they change so much in the first few years you may find she starts to look like you later on.

However, you can’t fight dna, she may grow up looking like hubby and that’s just the way it goes. I personally don’t think any of my kids look like me but have been told they do at times in the past. It’s all about perception.

Inneedoflifeadvice · 07/04/2021 20:20

Babies generally look like their Dads to begin with- it's nature's attempt at getting Dads to bond with and provide for their children.

Owl55 · 07/04/2021 20:23

Your baby is only 7 weeks old and perhaps you are feeling over emotional and super sensitive at the moment , in a few months it won’t concern you at all . Enjoy your baby xx

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