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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Daughter looks like her Dad :-(

492 replies

Dorset555 · 06/04/2021 15:43

Hi I'm really annoyed that I'm so annoyed about this but my first child (7 week old daughter) looks just like my partner. She has done since she was born and everyone says it...his family. My family ..everyone. any photo we put online is followed by a barrage of comments to him 'oh she's your double' etc.
Firstly I don't want my daughter to look like a 40 year old man. Secondly am I being unreasonable, but I feel really jealous and upset that she doesn't look like me. I feel like I have put so much time and effort into making her and now spend 90% of my time looking after her and I just don't see any of myself in her appearance and literally all of him. To make things worse my partner is not really enjoying being a new dad and I'm trying to help him adjust but I don't even feel he really likes her yet. It all seems very unfair.
I keep checking myself though as I'm so grateful she's a happy healthy baby and this is really very unimportant. But I have to say its getting me down a bit. Am I being unreasonable? Thanks for any comments/advice.

OP posts:
Babyroobs · 06/04/2021 15:46

It's really not worth getting worked up over when you have so much else going on !

GretaGip · 06/04/2021 15:46

You're being exceedingly irrational.

Just enjoy her Thanks

Happycat1212 · 06/04/2021 15:47

I don’t even know where to begin on this one 😬

Soubriquet · 06/04/2021 15:47

All babies look like their dad when they are born

I think it’s a survival thing so men of olde would say the baby was theirs because it looked like them

Griselda1 · 06/04/2021 15:47

It's awful how people do this, maybe you should try the old broken record thing of saying she looks like herself. Babies change very quickly so the resemblance may not be there for long.

AdelaideK · 06/04/2021 15:48

Most babies look like their dad at first. Who knows who she'll end up taking after.

It's really really not important.

Hadjab · 06/04/2021 15:48

All three of my kids look my husband and his family. They all have my smarts, that’s good enough for me.

Phial · 06/04/2021 15:48

I thought that kids were wired to look like their dads when they are first born, so that their father would not reject them. Mine both looked like their dad for the first few months, now one has more of a look at least of my side of the family.

JorisBonson · 06/04/2021 15:49

I've looked like my dad since I was born. I'm 36 now. I certainly don't look like an old man, just a feminine version of him (thankfully my dad is a good looking guy).

Original poster
Dorset555 · 06/04/2021 15:49

Thanks all I needed to hear that! Have given myself a metaphorical slap with a kipper :-)

OP posts:
cadburyegg · 06/04/2021 15:49
Biscuit
minmooch · 06/04/2021 15:49

YABU

I'm not sure what else to say. Probable people are being kind - most babies look like Winston Churchill!

She's only 7 weeks old. She'll grow and change by the weeks and will eventually just look like herself. You will see in her yourself, your partner, her grandparents. She'll pick up on your and her fathers mannerisms.

Try and enjoy the fact that she is your daughter.

Hopefully your partner will grow up and do his fair share with her and any resentment you feel will lessen.

CatsHairEverywhere2 · 06/04/2021 15:49

Well yes, you’re being incredibly unreasonable but becoming a parent is tough and we all end up with weird things to worry and stress about.

JorisBonson · 06/04/2021 15:49

It's really really not important.

And yes, this.

Hhusky · 06/04/2021 15:49

You have a healthy baby. Wise the hell up. Yes you're being unreasonable.

trevthecat · 06/04/2021 15:50

They always look like dad in the beginning. They are made that way for survival and bonding

MyNameForToday1980 · 06/04/2021 15:51

If it makes you feel any better, it's reputed that babies often look like their fathers at birth to ensure that the father knows they are theirs. This being some sort of prehistoric genetic safeguard.

It's also very hard to see yourself in a child, and much easier to see your partner's influence.

That having been said, DD looked JUST like me when she was born. I felt bad for DH. However, now aged 4, she looks like his mother and sister (and therefore more like him), so things do change. Who a child looks like aged 7 weeks is no indication of how they'll look a few years later.

AntiSocialDistancer · 06/04/2021 15:51

@Soubriquet

All babies look like their dad when they are born

I think it’s a survival thing so men of olde would say the baby was theirs because it looked like them

This! Its evolution.
Ivy455 · 06/04/2021 15:51

She may start to resemble you more as she gets older. My daughter has my eyes but apart from that she looks exactly like my husband. I don't mind though! I'm just so glad she hasn't got my nose.
As for him not enjoying or bonding with her, my partner was like this too. I confronted him about it when she was about three weeks old and I'll give him credit he did step up and started to bond with her. I think it can take a little longer for men as they don't have the experience of pregnancy/birth and all the hormones that come with it.

ThrowingAShellstrop · 06/04/2021 15:51

I get it OP.

I carried mine with difficulty, squeezed them out and damaged myself beyond repair and all people could say when they saw them was they looked like their dad. Infuriating in those first few weeks. It’ll pass though.

SnoozyBoozy · 06/04/2021 15:51

Firstly, you'll look back at this in a few years time and laugh, as I think you know you're being irrational!.

Secondly, I heard once that many babies look like their fathers when first born as it's an evolutionary thing, so that men know that a child is theirs (no idea how true this is). But I know many many babies who looked like their dads when first born and have massively changed as they've got older, and now look far more like their mums/other relatives or just themselves.

So try not to worry too much, it's unlikely she'll stay looking like him forever.

And if it's any consolation, my DD looked just like Winston Churchill when she was a baby.

EvilOnion · 06/04/2021 15:52

I did think it was probably just your hormones but on reading about your DH's lack of interest I wonder if it's a bit of resentment - the early days are hard and not very interesting so I think it's sort of normal to be tuned out but he should still be involved!

Honestly, try not to think about it. The comments from people get tiresome but they die down as they grow, when she starts gaining more facial expressions and mannerisms she'll just look like her :)

10YearsOlder · 06/04/2021 15:53

I saw this in my friends daughter when she was born but her features began to change quickly, she's the spit of her Mum now.
I think the problem with your DP not embracing fatherhood is more of a concern and may be making you feel a bit resentful. He needs sorting out first.

quest1on · 06/04/2021 15:53

Presumably you were attracted to this msn to have a baby with him - so how bad can this be?

What did you expect - a mini me?

All my DC looked like their dad who is a different ethnicity. I was delighted!

I’d be more concerned that your partner is not enjoying being a new dad tbh. What’s going on with him?

FrancesSaid · 06/04/2021 15:53

They usually look like dad initially. They then morph into a combination of both parents. I’ve read somewhere that it’s a biological thing, so that dads can tell the child is theirs. My dd was the image of her dad for the first few months. She now looks just like me, but has his face shape.

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