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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Daughter looks like her Dad :-(

492 replies

Dorset555 · 06/04/2021 15:43

Hi I'm really annoyed that I'm so annoyed about this but my first child (7 week old daughter) looks just like my partner. She has done since she was born and everyone says it...his family. My family ..everyone. any photo we put online is followed by a barrage of comments to him 'oh she's your double' etc.
Firstly I don't want my daughter to look like a 40 year old man. Secondly am I being unreasonable, but I feel really jealous and upset that she doesn't look like me. I feel like I have put so much time and effort into making her and now spend 90% of my time looking after her and I just don't see any of myself in her appearance and literally all of him. To make things worse my partner is not really enjoying being a new dad and I'm trying to help him adjust but I don't even feel he really likes her yet. It all seems very unfair.
I keep checking myself though as I'm so grateful she's a happy healthy baby and this is really very unimportant. But I have to say its getting me down a bit. Am I being unreasonable? Thanks for any comments/advice.

OP posts:

prawntoastie · 06/04/2021 16:08

Are you not on good terms with him? No matter what she looks like she is still half yours and something on her will be you.

My niece looks just like my brother the only thing she got of the mother is her blonde hair

tillytoodles1 · 06/04/2021 16:09

My son looks like my brother and my daughter looks like her dad, neither of them look like me.

Sansaplans · 06/04/2021 16:09

DS was odd looking when he was born as he had a swollen little head bless him, and everyone said he looked like DH which made me chortle. They all seem to when tiny, time will tell.

Jenasaurus · 06/04/2021 16:10

This also reminds me of a time we were coming back from abroad at the airport in the queue and my son looked over at a family of 4 and said "mum, do you think they all share the same passport" I looked over and the parents and children all looked the same, haircut, glasses etc it was uncanny.

VienneseWhirligig · 06/04/2021 16:10

My DS looked like me as a baby then a he has got older he is the spitting image of his dad. If he was a girl, the same would apply - DH's family are all clones, DS would get lost in a sea of his many cousins. SIL looks like DH in a wig. Genes are a funny thing.

Squeejit · 06/04/2021 16:11

It’s an evolutionary thing for babies to look like their father for the first year of their life - a pre DNA test way of knowing who the father is. They change as they grow up. But ultimately there is always a chance a baby will look more like one parent than the other. I’m sure she’s lovely!

aretherereally4Hs · 06/04/2021 16:11

I really don't think your baby looks like a 40 yr old man 🤣. This is a survival thing! I think all first borns especially look like their dad. Both of my daughters look like their dad but they are beautiful teenage girls, not grey haired balding men 🤣

Temp023 · 06/04/2021 16:11

It’s an evolutionary strategy, babies look like their Dads so that their Dad knows the baby is his baby and is therefore invested in supporting Mother and baby.

wigjuice · 06/04/2021 16:11

My 3 sons were all huge and looked a cross between biffa bacon and bulldogs. As they've grown they have gone between looking like me then their dad. Depends on their mood.

Woodlandbelle · 06/04/2021 16:11

Honestly you will wonder what on earth was I thinking in a few weeks. Also come off the social media for a while and just enjoy this time (congratulations)

saltinesandcoffeecups · 06/04/2021 16:11

Lol...it could always be worse, as a baby and child I looked like neither of my parents. I’m sure people thought the milkman was getting a little on the side (relax my mum makes the same joke) as I grew and evolved for a long time I looked like my gran up through my teens, since then I’ve resembled both parents at different times of my life, but mostly I’ve just been me.

Yes you are being irrational and I suspect you’ll look back and laugh at yourself one day. Might I suggest that lack of sleep and being overwhelmed is contributing to these feelings? A new baby is a lot going on!

otterbaby · 06/04/2021 16:12

I was annoyed by this at first too. Like...I bloody grew her, the least she can do is be my twin 😂 it is the hormones, they'll settle down and you'll feel a bit silly after (like I did!). Although 6 months on, she now resembles me a lot more. Newborns do tend to look like little old men.

Ignore the people who seem to have forgotten how emotional and stressful those first few months are ❤️

Temp023 · 06/04/2021 16:12

My baby looked like her 65 year old Grandad. She’s gorgeous now!

Coyoacan · 06/04/2021 16:12

All three of my kids look my husband and his family. They all have my smarts, that’s good enough for me

Yeah, only one daughter and one grandchild, but my daughter is the image of her father's family and by grandchild is the image of her father. My daughter is totally different from me in every way, but I see that as an advantage, as it has always been clear that she is her own person.

Scubalubs87 · 06/04/2021 16:12

OP, I'd put this one down to being a bit irrational in the new mum phase. Babies change all the time. My oldest came out looking the double of his dad, but now very strongly favours me and my side of the family. I do remember being quite put out that I did all the hard work and he came out looking like his dad 🙈.

gamerchick · 06/04/2021 16:12

They all look like their dads, it's some sort of biological thing to stop him rejecting the baby or something. She'll grow into her own face eventually.

TheVanguardSix · 06/04/2021 16:13

Well, what did you expect OP, the postie's face to be looking up at you from the Moses basket? Your DH did contribute a few thrusts and an orgasm to the process, so unfortunately your kids might end up looking like the guy.

In all seriousness though, it is annoying isn't it? He gets a few sperm in there with the help of his patented Crown Jewels. We're the ones who do ALL the work and then out the baby pops and it's all, "Awww she's her daddy's double!" for months, possibly years. I remember my neigbour banging on and on and on about how DC1 is the absolute spitting of DH. It gave me great pleasure saying, "Well, DH is actually his stepdad so... there's that."

diddl · 06/04/2021 16:13

Both of mine looked exactly like their Dad did as babies!

I think it can be annoying. I remember feeling quite upset at my ils banging on about it.

It felt as if they were trying to exclude me & at times as if they were reassuring themselves that there was no doubt about parentage!

And at times I did feel that I'd made no important contribution!

Probably irrational, but emotions can be all over the place with a newborn/lack of sleep.

Must be hard trying to adjust yourself & help him to as well.

Beeme29 · 06/04/2021 16:13

I think you are over thinking this. Assuming you are in love with her father why would you dislike her looking like him? I don’t get it. Dd was very much like her daddy when she was born but more so like me. It can change over time. We joke as around as Dd has for the same shape toes as dp - we say she’s got daddy’s toes 😂 I personally don’t think it matters.

Gwenhwyfar · 06/04/2021 16:13

@trevthecat

They always look like dad in the beginning. They are made that way for survival and bonding

This is what I've heard to. In evolutionary terms, so that the DF and his family know the baby is theirs.

ancientgran · 06/04/2021 16:14

They change so much, I'm sure she doesn't look that much like a 40 year old man, shame you can't send her to buy a packet of cigarettes or a lottery ticket. I'm betting they'd say she's too young.

I'm sure she's beautiful.

SarahAndQuack · 06/04/2021 16:14

I've never met my daughter's dad and it's brilliant seeing her grow up and doing the detective work to figure out what he must look like. But OP, give yourself a break - I can remember my DP literally bursting into tears on the ward because DD wasn't ginger (!?). I wonder if it's some kind of evolutionary thing too, to be terribly worried how they look?

GreenLeafTurnip · 06/04/2021 16:14

My husband and his family kept telling me my son looked like him and I just kept contradicting them saying he looked like me 😂. But OP I think it's just hormones. I was all over the place after my son was born and all sorts of little things would upset me. It'll get better I promise!

Sargass0 · 06/04/2021 16:15

Firstly I don't want my daughter to look like a 40 year old man.

Still -it's an improvement on Winston Churchill which is what most newborns look like

Sarahtrue11 · 06/04/2021 16:15

You didn't create a baby all by yourself, you took 50% of his genes.

My mother used to not like me, because I looked like my father. She would say to me "you like your father"

Maybe more women need to be educated, that the child is half their genes, and half their father's genes? Because for fuck sake! Don't be nasty to the child about it either

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