Daughter looks like her Dad :-(

[Dorset555]

Hi I'm really annoyed that I'm so annoyed about this but my first child (7 week old daughter) looks just like my partner. She has done since she was born and everyone says it...his family. My family ..everyone. any photo we put online is followed by a barrage of comments to him 'oh she's your double' etc.
Firstly I don't want my daughter to look like a 40 year old man. Secondly am I being unreasonable, but I feel really jealous and upset that she doesn't look like me. I feel like I have put so much time and effort into making her and now spend 90% of my time looking after her and I just don't see any of myself in her appearance and literally all of him. To make things worse my partner is not really enjoying being a new dad and I'm trying to help him adjust but I don't even feel he really likes her yet. It all seems very unfair.
I keep checking myself though as I'm so grateful she's a happy healthy baby and this is really very unimportant. But I have to say its getting me down a bit. Am I being unreasonable? Thanks for any comments/advice.

@Dorset555
Hi op. I have 3, eldest was spot model of her dad honestly. I couldn’t see me in her whatsoever until she was well into puberty. She’s 15 now and yes she has certain similarities to her dad but every time I look at her she is just like me! - well how I used to be 😂. They really do change so much, don’t let it get you down.
Do you think it’s getting to you because of the way your husband is at the minute... He will come around, being a parent for the first time is terrifying! Everyone reacts differently. Does he feed her or is she breastfed? If bottles good way for him to bond, or express! Baths also, but baby with him in bath. Skin to skin great to bond for both of them. That way he doesn’t just get shitty nappies 😁

All mine looked like their dad when born but now adult daughters are v like me so dont worry x

Would you rather she didn’t look like the dad and people making jokes that she was someone else’s? As that’s what happened with my friends daughter, she looked nothing like the father and people were often making “must be the milk mans” type jokes (usually older relatives)

My daughter now in her 40's is the spit of her Dad.
Also all of her children look nothing like me at all.
I feel like the odd one out.

My DC is the image of my DH in every way - there is not one drop of me in there. I think this made it much easier for me to parent as I was not seeing myself so much in them. However, they butt heads with my partner on a daily basis as they are so alike.

When my child was born he looked like MY dad!

I was fine with that.

He now looks like my brother. I'm fine with that too.

My DD made a comment this weekend, she is 25 and looks like an identical twin of her cousin, seriously people see photos of one of them and think its the other. My DD said, isnt it odd that people say we look so much alike when my cousin looks the image of her mum. My Ex was brother to her cousins father so the link is through the men, but she is right both look like her mum and not their dads :) However her brother looks just like her dad, people again would see a photo of him and say oh, is that your ex before he lost his hair! My eldest looks very similar to my exs best friend, which is more concerning (definitely my exs) but eldest son has green eyes, blonde hair and tanned skin, whereas his dad has blue eyes very dark hair and pale, (I am blonde (or was) and green eyes and my ex missed this when he said he looks nothing like him!)

Are you shitting us?

You're being ridiculous. She's a baby she'll grow. :/

Family can be really tactless. My mother in law told me, as I cradled my newborn in my arms, that my (first born) son had my eyebrows! That was the only body part I was allowed.
It matters less as time goes by and, anyway, his personality is much more like mine. My second son on the other hand is my literal double.
You'll probably laugh about how ridiculous it all is in time. When you're tired and sleep deprived small things can take on enormous importance.
Is your baby healthy? All fingers and toes accounted for? Reaching their developmental milestones?
It may not feel like it at times, but everything else is just bollocks really.

Babies usually look like Churchill, so I'd enjoy her looking like a man you clearly found attractive at some point.

Also: get a grip.

www.theatlantic.com/family/archive/2019/06/do-babies-look-more-like-their-dads/590923/

"Whatever the case, the researchers I spoke with seemed to agree on one point: The most clear-cut thing is not an actual resemblance, but that so many people perceive one. “Independent of whether the baby actually looks like Dad is the perception that the baby shares resemblance with Dad,” Platek told me.

Platek said I should be happy that seemingly everyone I know thinks my child looks like my husband. “When the perception and the reality match, the child treatment is the highest.” The father will freely make paternal investments in the child. Apparently when you think the child looks like you, even the diapers don’t smell as bad, Platek noted jokingly."

My first was the spitting image of my FIL!

I don't know that it's physically evolutionary to look like their fathers (I'm not convinced that that is biologically possible), or whether subconsciously people will look for a link to the father, to confirm that the child is his.

Aw OP. You are being irrational yes but I get it!

DS looked like DHs spitting imagine when he was a baby, he now is looking more and more like me by the day which I secretly love

He actually looked like my Dad when he was first born which freaked me out a bit!!

They change so much as they grow, you will start to see you in him in little ways I'm sure, even mannerisms as he grows etc... People often say I'm like my Mum, not so much in looks but in my mannerisms.

I realised it actually depends with DS on the angle I'm looking at him. Some ways he looks exactly like DH and in others he looks like me, it's quite lovely to see us both in there in our own ways

Oh actually when my middle one was born, he was a large 10 pound baby and a forcep delivery he came out all crumpled up like an old man and all I could see was uncle roger (not a blood relative to either of us) we laughed and he did iron out but for a few days he looked like a grumpy old man

Honestly you’ve no idea at all what she will look like when she grows up, none at all. There is no way to tell when they are a baby, they grow so much and so differently. You’ve a few years yet to know who she looks like.

I thought my twins were literal clones of DH until I found an old baby photo of me - if you put them side by side it’s really uncanny. Now they’re 4 and one looks more like him and one more like me, but I’d you compare to childhood photos of either of us the resemblance is uncanny. It’s very odd.

The minute DD was born, the midwife said oh she looks just like her daddy, the placenta hadn't even come out yet. She's 16 months now and she's spitting image of me, everything she does is just me. You wouldn't even think she had any of her dad in her!

Well, what did you expect OP, the postie's face to be looking up at you from the Moses basket? Your DH did contribute a few thrusts and an orgasm to the process, so unfortunately your kids might end up looking like the guy.

In all seriousness though, it is annoying isn't it? He gets a few sperm in there and god almighty, it's like he's patented The Crown Jewels. We're the ones who do ALL the work and then out the baby pops and it's "Awww she's her daddy's mini me!" for months, possibly years. I remember my neigbour banging on and on and on about how DC1 is the absolute spitting of DH. It gave me great pleasure saying, "Well, DH is actually his stepdad so... there's that."

DS1 looked absolutely nothing like his dad when he was born. Resulting in a series of increasingly pointed comments from MIL to me about why that might be ...

He looks really like him now!

They dont mean she looks like a 40 year old man!

Most babies start off looking like their dads, poor sods

Is that you Meghan?

The minute DD was born, the midwife said oh she looks just like her daddy, the placenta hadn't even come out yet. She's 16 months now and she's spitting image of me, everything she does is just me. You wouldn't even think she had any of her dad in her!

In the kindest possible way, YABU. It’s a pretty well-documented phenomenon; think of it as nature’s confirmation of a baby’s paternity.

My DC both looked like the absolute mirror of their DF when born and for about a year. Now they are very clearly mine. The same colouring , the same mannerisms as me. Both Exdh has been asked if they are his step children (whereas weirdly DP who is not their biological father has been told how much like him they look....they really (obviously) don't...both exdh and Dp are very dark hair and eyes whereas DC and I are very very light colouring....which just goes to show people see what they want to).

My Exmil claimed for a year that it was clearly their superior DNA (yes I am aware that's not how it works but she isn't) and now i just smile sweetly when people say how much like me she looks because it really annoys the batshit crazy woman

OP they will change and honestly its a load of rubbish. Just wait until you do the vast majority of the work and they claim to hate you and only love daddy. Thats a fun stage (and actually psychologically a huge compliment to you but look into that at the time)

If you are precious about this stuff you will drive yourself nuts by the time dc is 3.