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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Providing transport for teenager to work/study

163 replies

JensonsAcolyte · 06/04/2021 14:15

DH and I are not in agreement.

I won’t say which is which.

Dd has the offer of an apprenticeship placement in a rural area, 25mins drive from home, zero public transport. She is just 17 so not driving yet but it’s part of the plan.

One of us thinks we should take her and pick her up, this would be one journey per parent due to work hours. Fifty minute round trip. DD is happy to pay for taxis if we are unavailable for any reason that day.

The other one of us thinks this is a batshit crazy commitment and too much time out of an already busy day, and that DD needs to find another placement.

Would you do it?

YANBU : take her

YABU : reject the placement offer.

OP posts:
TristantheTyrannosaurus · 06/04/2021 14:16

Take her. Why would you refuse the offer of such education unless it's impossible to get to? I drove my DD until she was able to drive herself.

Shamoo · 06/04/2021 14:21

I would personally drive her and prioritise driving lessons etc with her wage.

moochingtothepub · 06/04/2021 14:22

I would buy her a moped, a lot quicker than learning to drive

Original poster
JensonsAcolyte · 06/04/2021 14:24

Hard no to a moped, it’s single track country lanes and busy.

OP posts:
BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 06/04/2021 14:25

Do the adults have the time to be able to do this? If so, great. However I would only do this if she is also learning to drive. Are lessons back up and running yet?

MadeForThis · 06/04/2021 14:27

I would take her. No different to taking a younger child to clubs or activities. She has no other transportation options.

Has she considered driving lessons. Some people arrange the instructor to pick up at work and end the lesson at home. Obviously this would only work on the lesson day.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 06/04/2021 14:27

I'd expect dd to be completely sensible about it though, no chivvying to get ready, chasing if late etc. I'm in the car at X time. If she isn't in the car at the time Im due to leave I'll get out of the car and she sorts her own way there.

Original poster
JensonsAcolyte · 06/04/2021 14:28

Adults do have the time, DH starts and leaves work early and I start and leave late.

Waiting on her provisional license to arrive and then will start lessons ASAP. Money in place for car/insurance and lessons.

OP posts:
BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 06/04/2021 14:29

She has no other transportation options

She could consider transport when applying for apprenticeships. I consider transport when I look for a job. It's part and parcel of the process.

TristantheTyrannosaurus · 06/04/2021 14:29

@JensonsAcolyte

Hard no to a moped, it’s single track country lanes and busy.
Same here. I'd say no to a moped altogether. Someone will soon be on here to tell you to get her to cycle.

My DD has mild dyspraxia and learned on an automatic.

PerspicaciousGreen · 06/04/2021 14:29

At age 17 when you as parents have chosen to place your family in a rural area, I would think it was ultimately the parents job to provide transport. You've said your daughter is learning to drive so it won't be for that long. It's hardly her fault that you've chosen to live where you do and it probably isn't that easy to just find another placement. It's for education/work, not a frivolous hobby.

altforvarmt · 06/04/2021 14:29

When you say apprenticeship placement, is it for the whole of her apprenticeship, or is it for a fixed period until a subsequent placement?

Either way, I'd be leaning towards driving her, and supporting her with learning to drive too.

Original poster
JensonsAcolyte · 06/04/2021 14:29

Apprenticeships are not easy to get and this is the only offer she’s had (probably because it’s so rural tbh).

OP posts:
altforvarmt · 06/04/2021 14:30

@JensonsAcolyte

Apprenticeships are not easy to get and this is the only offer she’s had (probably because it’s so rural tbh).
Well, this bit just makes it an absolute no-brainer then.
Original poster
JensonsAcolyte · 06/04/2021 14:30

It’s the placement that’s rural, not us.

Placement is for the duration (15 months).

I’m the parent who thinks we should take her.

OP posts:
BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 06/04/2021 14:30

Adults do have the time, DH starts and leaves work early and I start and leave late

Do the timings work that he leaves work and goes straight there? Or will he sit around for a bit at home before going back out?

PerspicaciousGreen · 06/04/2021 14:31

@BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz

She has no other transportation options

She could consider transport when applying for apprenticeships. I consider transport when I look for a job. It's part and parcel of the process.

It's just not the same when you're a teenager and your parents have all the agency. Part and parcel of finding a job is considering the location of both the job and your house - but a teenager can't just move house!
TristantheTyrannosaurus · 06/04/2021 14:31

@JensonsAcolyte

Apprenticeships are not easy to get and this is the only offer she’s had (probably because it’s so rural tbh).
No brainer! Also get her on your insurance and she can practice driving with L plates and you in the passenger seat. We did this a lot with DD (our cars are automatics) and it was very valuable experience. DH also took her to empty car parks, our GP surgery has a great one, to practice manouvres.
hedgehogger1 · 06/04/2021 14:31

Apprenticeships are really hard to get. I'd take her

Goatsgetmygoat · 06/04/2021 14:32

How common and how closely located are potential placements?

Original poster
JensonsAcolyte · 06/04/2021 14:32

Dh is currently wfh so no waiting around, and if he does ever go back to the office it’s nearby enough to make it feasible but yes the timings might be slightly more complex.

OP posts:
PerspicaciousGreen · 06/04/2021 14:33

@JensonsAcolyte

It’s the placement that’s rural, not us.

Placement is for the duration (15 months).

I’m the parent who thinks we should take her.

Ah, OK, I slightly misunderstood the situation. Still, are there actually any other placements available? I'd probably ask her or ask her course leader about it and see if anything could be done (and also explore other options like if anyone could give her a lift) but ultimately I would take her. It's not a hobby, it's education/work.
Dressinggownchic · 06/04/2021 14:33

I would take her, it’s a short term inconvenience for long term gain.

hotchocdrinker · 06/04/2021 14:33

I'm in a similar position with my 18-year-old son. We live rurally and he has an agency job which is currently 20 minutes away. My ExH and I take it in turns to take him and pick him up. I realise we are lucky that we both work part time and can manage that, but it's a chance for my son to earn some money and get some valuable experience of work. Much better on his CV than not having a job. We have money set aside for driving lessons and a car, but Covid means that it's going to be a while before he has his own transport. Until then we'll do what we can to help him.

Chocolateismakingmefat · 06/04/2021 14:34

Look into websites that advertise car sharing. Maybe dd could apply stating when she passes she could catch up with her share? Rural surely still means someone else uses they road?!
Ds car shares to/from army camp. Works out well.