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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Providing transport for teenager to work/study

163 replies

JensonsAcolyte · 06/04/2021 14:15

DH and I are not in agreement.

I won’t say which is which.

Dd has the offer of an apprenticeship placement in a rural area, 25mins drive from home, zero public transport. She is just 17 so not driving yet but it’s part of the plan.

One of us thinks we should take her and pick her up, this would be one journey per parent due to work hours. Fifty minute round trip. DD is happy to pay for taxis if we are unavailable for any reason that day.

The other one of us thinks this is a batshit crazy commitment and too much time out of an already busy day, and that DD needs to find another placement.

Would you do it?

YANBU : take her

YABU : reject the placement offer.

OP posts:
TabbyStar · 06/04/2021 18:16

I do this for my DD, she can get transport there but I have to bring her back every day, it's an hour round trip. She's has learned to drive but hasn't been able to take her test. I didn't point out this apprenticeship for this reason but she saw it and applied for it and it's a brilliant opportunity. We are rural and not many other options / she's applied for others but didn't get any interviews. She's desperate to drive herself though. It's a bit of a pain, but it's better than her being at home with nothing to do!

HerRoyalNotness · 06/04/2021 18:18

Sounds like it short term as she’ll be able to drive herself once she gets her license so yes I would facilitate it.

CruellaDaVille · 06/04/2021 18:23

Apprenticeships that are any good are like gold dust.
Maybe get your teen on an intensive week driving course/test so she can drive herself asap.

Soontobe60 · 06/04/2021 18:28

I’d say that it was you and DHs choice to live where you do, and this has impacted on your dd. In this situation I would do the ferrying. But she would have to pay for the petrol - or at least a portion of it.

Soontobe60 · 06/04/2021 18:28

The other benefit of sharing is that you’re reducing your carbon emissions by not using 2nvehicles!

GreyhoundG1rl · 06/04/2021 18:29

I’d say that it was you and DHs choice to live where you do, and this has impacted on your dd.
I'd agree with this, but how do you square it with "but make her pay for the petrol"?!

ViciousJackdaw · 06/04/2021 18:34

@GreyhoundG1rl

I'd drive her, but can I say the "one of us, I won't say which one" business is tedious. Nobody on here knows either of you.
To be fair, I suspect it was done to avoid the usual MN bias against men.
GreyhoundG1rl · 06/04/2021 18:36

Yes, I suppose... Better than a reverse as well Grin

sunflowersandbuttercups · 06/04/2021 18:43

@Soontobe60

I’d say that it was you and DHs choice to live where you do, and this has impacted on your dd. In this situation I would do the ferrying. But she would have to pay for the petrol - or at least a portion of it.
This doesn't really make sense.

If it's not her choice to live there, why does she have to pay for the petrol used to get her around?

Clymene · 06/04/2021 18:44

I wonder if men on PistonHeqds start threads to avoid the usual bias against women.

Nope, thought not

IndieKate · 06/04/2021 18:48

I wouldn't take her. She's nearly an adult and part of that is choosing employment you can get to without relying on lifts from your parents.

Leeds2 · 06/04/2021 18:57

I would take her, because I would be so proud of her for getting an apprenticeship in the first place. It's very easy to say she should look for one nearer but they aren't that easy to find at the moment. Your DH would probably be more annoyed if she declined the job, and was then hanging about at home all day because she couldn't find anything else.

GreyhoundG1rl · 06/04/2021 19:05

@IndieKate

I wouldn't take her. She's nearly an adult and part of that is choosing employment you can get to without relying on lifts from your parents.
Op says she's "just" 17. Most kids of that age would still be in school, have a heart Hmm
Comefromaway · 06/04/2021 19:06

@IndieKate

I wouldn't take her. She's nearly an adult and part of that is choosing employment you can get to without relying on lifts from your parents.
As a 17 year old she won't be entitled to any benefits etc. Apprentiships are really hard to get and you aren't just allowed to get any job, it has to involve training etc.

Much better for her to be given the chance to earn a living and not be reliant on her parents plus get the chance of a future career than sit at home doing nothing.

Boph · 06/04/2021 19:06

@IndieKate

I wouldn't take her. She's nearly an adult and part of that is choosing employment you can get to without relying on lifts from your parents.
This could only be said by someone who has grown up in a town or city. Using those criteria my DC would never have got a job anywhere. First of all the child is still of an age to be in compulsory education or training. The apprenticeship is training. She could also stay in school or college. And as to taking money off her as well- only if the parent was so poor it was unavoidable, which clearly the OP is not. Well done to OPs DD.
aretherereally4Hs · 06/04/2021 19:08

I'd take my daughter

sunflowersandbuttercups · 06/04/2021 19:13

@IndieKate

I wouldn't take her. She's nearly an adult and part of that is choosing employment you can get to without relying on lifts from your parents.
She's seventeen years old!

If there's no public transport and the roads are too dangerous for her to cycle, what do you actually propose she does?

Her parents should be getting her around if there's no other way. It's not a jolly - she's going work!

ChocolateCuddle · 06/04/2021 19:18

Ah, yes 15 miles is too far really to cycle.

I cycle 8 miles each way to work on country roads, but I wouldn't want to do a dual carriageway and a 30 mile round trip.

lljkk · 06/04/2021 19:20

fwiw, our similar decision is, yr12 DS has a PT job at a take-away 3 nights/week, 6 miles away. I said I would pick him up occasionally when he finished after bus service ends for the day, as long as he gets himself there and back for most shifts (bus or cycle).

We live in a town where there are lots of take-away shops, there is nothing special about where he works except his friend helped him get the job & he likes the familiarity.

The PP who pointed out that the journey is driving practice time for the 17yo was very wise! That might sell it a bit to OP's DP.

gingergiraffe · 06/04/2021 19:34

You may find, once she has settled into the apprenticeship that someone at work lives nearby and is happy to give her a lift one way. My husband used to drop our son on his way to work and a colleague would give him a lift home. As soon as he passed his test he was given a work’s van. I also think it is good to support your daughter with lifts even if it is a little inconvenient maybe.

Mylovelyhorsee · 06/04/2021 19:35

Drive her but really push driving lessons

MixedUpFiles · 06/04/2021 19:37

We have chosen to live somewhere that being able to drive is an absolute necessity. Because of that fact, I view providing transport to pre-driving teens and paying for driving lessons to be my responsibility. It’s very different than being in an area with ready public transportation.

doucey · 06/04/2021 19:39

@JensonsAcolyte

Apprenticeships are not easy to get and this is the only offer she’s had (probably because it’s so rural tbh).
Think I can work out who is who. Now will read the rest of the thread to see.
LaurieFairyCake · 06/04/2021 19:43

I wouldn't add a 50 minute commitment a day to my life EVERY day for 15 months - that's way too much on top of a full time job (plus my own commuting)

It's 50 minute EACH - 25 minutes each way, twice?

Pumpkintopf · 06/04/2021 19:43

Definitely without a shadow of a doubt I would take her and pick her up. Apprenticeship opportunities will be thin on the ground at the moment, as you've said, and she'll learn to drive.