Providing transport for teenager to work/study

[JensonsAcolyte]

DH and I are not in agreement.

I won’t say which is which.

Dd has the offer of an apprenticeship placement in a rural area, 25mins drive from home, zero public transport. She is just 17 so not driving yet but it’s part of the plan.

One of us thinks we should take her and pick her up, this would be one journey per parent due to work hours. Fifty minute round trip. DD is happy to pay for taxis if we are unavailable for any reason that day.

The other one of us thinks this is a batshit crazy commitment and too much time out of an already busy day, and that DD needs to find another placement.

Would you do it?

YANBU : take her

YABU : reject the placement offer.

I would also look at the intensive driving courses, rather than have lessons once a week for months.

I'd definitely take her, and as a pp said use it as a chance to practise her driving. An apprenticeship is worth more to your daughter than 50 minutes of your day for the few months it will take her to pass her driving test.

I take it the problem here is that you think “we” should take her, but the person who’d be doing the lifts is your DH?

I would do it, but if he’s already not happy then there’s no way he’s going to keep it up for over a year. It would be better for her CV to turn it down than to quit (or get sacked for being continually late) half way through.

Neither option.
She should take the offer & find a way to get there & back.

Take her. Absolutely. It will only be until she passes her test and the alternative is probably her sitting at home doing nothing which is no good for any of you.

How many miles is it?

Take her, and facilitate driving ASAP.

We are in a similar position for DD, y11, and her college place.
She has had a lot of problems this year and we sadly don't think she will cope with the hour door to door via the college bus plus a full day at college. By car it is only 30mins each way, so we think we will need to commit to driving her the 3 days a week for the first year. If her health improves we can switch to the bus later (or she'll have passed a driving test by then.)

NB. There is a massive backlog of driving tests at the moment I believe.

@dworky

Neither option. She should take the offer & find a way to get there & back.

If there's no public transport, how is she supposed to do that?

Is it a formal apprenticeship? That's usually a fixed term job, not a placement. If you can, I would do it. I would advise against the intensive driving course option, I knew several people who passed like that and then crashed very soon after. More hours in the car is better, especially if her commute is going to be fairly risky.

I'd take her. It's not her fault that there's no public transport, poor girl.

Take her, teach her to drive.

Do you have other children or your own commitments which will be impacted by this, and that can't easily be changed/got around?

If not then I absolutely would take her, especially if I was working from home.

Are the hours regular?

Good apprenticeships are hugely sought after and a fantastic opportunity. A drive with your child might be a great opportunity to have a chat when you do t normally spend much one on one time together either.

I'd do it.

Is there any way she can do part on public transport to cut down journey time?

Is it a decent apprenticeship? Good employer?

@BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz

Please RTFT. It's not that long!

I'd take her for sure.

Of course take her! Apprenticeships aren’t easy to come by especially in this climate.

I would take her, even though I don't love extra driving.
It isn't an easy time for dc to be starting work at the moment.

She could also ask employer if anyone lives near and drives in. She could car share and give petrol money- even if it's just the morning etc

Take her, if it’s what she’s looking to do, then sounds ideal. She can then prioritise driving ASAP.

If its a good apprenticeship opportunity and you have the time then do it.
Apprenticeships are hard to come by and hopefully this time next year they will be driving, as a parent I would suck it up and take them.
It is a time drain but thats parenting !

@Hankunamatata

She could also ask employer if anyone lives near and drives in. She could car share and give petrol money- even if it's just the morning etc

Many people don't want to commit themselves to daily lifts - it can be really limiting.

No question I would take her. This is the price you pay for living in a village without transport.
I have done this with two DC.
They got buses to school but I encouraged part time work. That meant us taking and fetching until they learned to drive.
Both were driving the minute they were 17 but I realise this hasn't been possible recently.
After that they were insured on one car. We still ferried them to parties etc until they left home.
It was important to me that they didn’t resent living in the back of beyond.

We have the same issue with our son although we live rurally and son works a 20 minute drive away in nearby town. He's had his driving test cancelled four times now.
Grandparents all think he should be making his own way but there is no public transport and the journey is on fast dual carriageways. When they tell us we are mad to do it, I ask what the solution is, they are short on answers. In times such as this, I think teenagers need support from parents, my son has never missed a day's work and has saved a lot of his wages
He's gaining work experience too. If we didn't do it he'd be unemployed, broke and bored. Please help her.

Take her.

I don't see it as any different to doing school runs or after school clubs/activities, she's only 17!

But I also second that there's a good chance someone else there may agree to give her lifts on the provision she reciprocates when she passes her test, encouraging car share is always good!