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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Providing transport for teenager to work/study

163 replies

JensonsAcolyte · 06/04/2021 14:15

DH and I are not in agreement.

I won’t say which is which.

Dd has the offer of an apprenticeship placement in a rural area, 25mins drive from home, zero public transport. She is just 17 so not driving yet but it’s part of the plan.

One of us thinks we should take her and pick her up, this would be one journey per parent due to work hours. Fifty minute round trip. DD is happy to pay for taxis if we are unavailable for any reason that day.

The other one of us thinks this is a batshit crazy commitment and too much time out of an already busy day, and that DD needs to find another placement.

Would you do it?

YANBU : take her

YABU : reject the placement offer.

OP posts:
WaterBottle123 · 06/04/2021 14:35

Absolutely take her. It's so hard for young people to secure opportunities right now. Your DH sounds a little selfish

Teesel · 06/04/2021 14:38

I'd deffo take her. It's part of parenting isn't it? Especially as it's an apprenticeship, so education. Her wages can then go towards learning to drive.

I think it's pretty selfish to say you're too busy to do it.

I'm guessing it's you the mum who is willing but your DH isn't.

ButIcantsitonleather · 06/04/2021 14:38

I’m normally all for kids sorting their own shit out but in this case, it seems detrimental to her education to not take her, and as your lazy bastard husband is able to take her just doesn’t want to, that makes me even more inclined to want to help her.

I’d make driving lessons a priority purchase from her earnings though.

kwiksavenofrillsusername · 06/04/2021 14:39

I think I would give the lifts, since there aren’t exactly loads of opportunities out there at the moment. She’ll be learning to drive soon anyway so hopefully won’t be for too much longer.

junebirthdaygirl · 06/04/2021 14:41

She may meet someone there who is driving her way and prepared to give her a lift. Meanwhile yes take her. It will be a total pain but some people drive their children to school that distance and it is part of her education. Is it a sort of rural apprenticeship? As finding a place in a faraway town/ city might be easier even if ye had to subsidise accommodation

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 06/04/2021 14:41

@PerspicaciousGreen

At age 17 when you as parents have chosen to place your family in a rural area, I would think it was ultimately the parents job to provide transport. You've said your daughter is learning to drive so it won't be for that long. It's hardly her fault that you've chosen to live where you do and it probably isn't that easy to just find another placement. It's for education/work, not a frivolous hobby.
The parents did not choose a rural area. It doesn't say where they live. The job is in a rural area. The dd chose the job.
Hagqueen · 06/04/2021 14:41

I think you’d be mad not to? Its education and opportunity and not for forever? If she starts lessons for a car as early as is feasible then she could be on the road before your husband even goes back to the office??

sbhydrogen · 06/04/2021 14:42

I'm gonna be that person that suggests she cycles. I used to ride an hour to get to work. If it's nice out, then great! If not, then offer to drive her. Or send her on one of those intensive driving courses so she passes asap, then you don't need to worry.

Anycrispsleft · 06/04/2021 14:43

Apprenticeships must be rarer than hen's teeth at the moment. Yes, definitely I would take her.

kingdomcapers · 06/04/2021 14:43

As a 17 year old I loved with my DPs in a rural area, other than a bus that was timed to get the few school age children to & from school, there was no public transport. I got a job that meant I could get the bus into town and hang about for 40 minutes to start, then my DF would pick me up at night. I already had my provisional so most nights I would drive home, getting much needed practice. It wasn't for long, I passed first time, but found someone I worked with who'd pick me up and run me home for couple of quid petrol money. This set me on a career path that has been rewarding, allowing me to work & study for career development at the same time. These type of opportunities can be few and far between, particularly if rural and I'd imagine even more so just now. If I were you I would be more than happy to help my DD with a few months of lifts if it sets her up for the long-term.

GreyhoundG1rl · 06/04/2021 14:43

I'd drive her, but can I say the "one of us, I won't say which one" business is tedious.
Nobody on here knows either of you.

treeeeemendous · 06/04/2021 14:43

Personally I would but then I am the type of parent who will do anything to help my dc with their education and interests.

HappyAsASandboy · 06/04/2021 14:45

Take her, and get her to drive both ways in your car/s as practice. Two 30 min journeys on five days a week will do wonders for her driving. Do lessons as well, so your time with her is just practice really and the instructor does the teaching.

I learned to drive very rurally. I drove my mums car to music lessons/shopping etc and so got at least 4 hours a week driving in with my mum. Topped that with 4 two-hour driving lessons and took the test. I think I passed quickly because I did a lot of driving - a lesson or two a week just doesn't give enough practice to pass in any reasonable time at all.

Preservethewood · 06/04/2021 14:46

She could consider transport when applying for apprenticeships. I consider transport when I look for a job. It's part and parcel of the process

She’s 17, the economic ravages of the pandemic are yet to fully unfold and she has an offer. If this was my son I’d walk over hot coals to get him there till he could drive himself.

SpacePotato · 06/04/2021 14:49

Could you book her on an intensive driving course block of lessons instead of the usual once a week? She could be up and running in a month and if your DH is WFH she could use his car until you get her her own.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 06/04/2021 14:52

@GreyhoundG1rl

I'd drive her, but can I say the "one of us, I won't say which one" business is tedious. Nobody on here knows either of you.
Interesting though that there is a fair bit off assumption on thus thread that it's the dh who is against it.
MajesticWhine · 06/04/2021 14:57

YANBU
I would take her. Unless there are other opportunities close by that she could take instead.

moochingtothepub · 06/04/2021 15:00

@sbhydrogen

Grin

One of ours cycles, one drives and one has a moped. The cycling one has a car but lockdowns have thwarted taking her test (3 tests cancelled by lockdowns so far, next one is May). Electric assist bikes are brilliant too. I commute on rural roads and there's loads of cyclists and motorbikes here. I know I'm bias though because we go out on the motorbike most weekends which I know gives my mum kittens!

Theimpossiblegirl · 06/04/2021 15:02

Of course the parents should facilitate her getting to her placement.

Don't hold your breath for the driving though, there is a huge backlog of people who have had tests cancelled. If you've not found an instructor yet, I'd get onto a waiting list asap.

Racoonworld · 06/04/2021 15:04

If you have time then definitely do it. Good apprenticeships are fought after so it would really benefit her to do it.

OctupusObsidian · 06/04/2021 15:07

Drive her, and use that time for her to drive when possible too so she gets the practice in!

Apprenticeships are like gold dust here.

WeAllHaveWings · 06/04/2021 15:08

Has she asked the placement if there are any options to get into the nearest town to access public transport? Some companies will do this, especially for apprenticeships.

RowanAlong · 06/04/2021 15:12

Yes take her. If it’s a good opportunity in a rural area I would support her to go for it! It’s no different to the school run many do every day in term time.

honeylulu · 06/04/2021 15:13

Please do drive her. I'm not a mollycoddling parent at all but in this situation I would help. Apprenticeships are like gold dust at the moment (I have 16 year old eagerly looking!) And you have a daughter who wants to work and learn, that's great!

My mum almost always refused to give me lifts anywhere even though we lived fairly remotely (not my choice obviously) and it would have saved so much time/expense and been safer but no she was always sat on her arse doing crosswords "too busy".

hellcatspangle · 06/04/2021 15:15

I would do it (assuming placements aren't that easy to find closer to home)