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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Providing transport for teenager to work/study

163 replies

JensonsAcolyte · 06/04/2021 14:15

DH and I are not in agreement.

I won’t say which is which.

Dd has the offer of an apprenticeship placement in a rural area, 25mins drive from home, zero public transport. She is just 17 so not driving yet but it’s part of the plan.

One of us thinks we should take her and pick her up, this would be one journey per parent due to work hours. Fifty minute round trip. DD is happy to pay for taxis if we are unavailable for any reason that day.

The other one of us thinks this is a batshit crazy commitment and too much time out of an already busy day, and that DD needs to find another placement.

Would you do it?

YANBU : take her

YABU : reject the placement offer.

OP posts:
allmycats · 06/04/2021 15:59

I would take her. You could put L plates on the car and let her get some driving experience. I do not understand parents who can help their children progress in life but choose not to.

Original poster
JensonsAcolyte · 06/04/2021 16:00

Thanks so much all. Pretty unanimous Grin

DH isn’t completely against it but he does value his free time and his initial response was FFS. My days off are in the week anyway so odds are I will do both journeys on those days. I’m going to tell him almost all of MN thinks he should suck it up Grin

OP posts:
Coyoacan · 06/04/2021 16:03

How far is it? Couldn't she get a bicycle?

SocraticJunkieWannabe · 06/04/2021 16:03

Agree with most other posters. Provided it's not hugely difficult logistically, which it doesn't sound like it is, I would drive her. It would be a massive shame if she missed out on this opportunity just due to lack of transport.

dottiedaisee · 06/04/2021 16:04

Yes definitely take and collect her. She might end up meeting someone where she works who lives in your direction.

Original poster
JensonsAcolyte · 06/04/2021 16:05

It’s 15 miles. Dual carriageway and then windy country lanes. I wouldn’t be happy with a bike or moped.

OP posts:
lazylockdowner · 06/04/2021 16:06

I would and do, single parent and dd nearly 18.

She can bus to work 2 mornings a week (2 buses takes nearly 2 hours) but due to timings and location it isn't possible for getting home or her hours on the other days so I take pick up, about 20-25 min journey each way in the car.

Dd has had driving lessons but obviously with lockdown this hadn't been for a while plus I don't think even when/if she passes she will be confident enough to drive to start with as she has asd and anxiety

My other dd 16 has just also got herself a part time job working evenings, weekends and school holiday whilst she continues into 6th form which is 15 minutes in the totally opposite direct and no transport links at all so I'm literally a taxi service

But definitely if it's a good opportunity for your dd then 100% do it and get her leaning to drive ASAP

sunflowersandbuttercups · 06/04/2021 16:06

DH isn’t completely against it but he does value his free time and his initial response was FFS

I do see his point - I probably wouldn't be keen either, but it could be a great chance at spending some quality time together.

RevolutionRadio · 06/04/2021 16:22

I'd do it, it wouldn't be forever.

When driving lessons are allowed again book one in for when she finishes work, that's one less journey to do.

I imagine apprenticeships will be hard to get at the moment, if she doesn't accept this one and isn't offered any others then what is she going to do? She would probably also feel resentful that she's had miss out on it because her dad didn't feel like she was worth an hour of his time.

ILoveAfternoonTea · 06/04/2021 16:31

Take her but make sure driving lessons are a priority

I grew up in a village and get my licence at eighteen opened so many doors

19lottie82 · 06/04/2021 16:33

I understand it’s an inconvenience, but your DH is BU to let her pass up an opportunity to benefit her future because he can’t be bothered. Not great parenting, is it?

Take her for the moment and get her started on the driving lessons as soon as possible.

emmathedilemma · 06/04/2021 16:37

If you can make it work I wouldn't turn down the offer of an apprenticeship in the current jobs market! Once she starts she might find there's someone there who she can hitch a lift with or car share with once she can drive.

ArnoJambonsBike · 06/04/2021 17:07

Shouldn't have had a child if his free time is so important to him.

Arsehole.

Cadent · 06/04/2021 17:10

Sounds like you will end up doing most of it, OP. Try and get him to agree to 50/50.

lanthanum · 06/04/2021 17:23

A couple of other options to check out - is there a liftshare website which might provide an option, or is there anyone working for the company who could offer a lift, if not from home, from somewhere she can get to. Obviously you need to be cautious about lifts with strangers, though.

I commuted for years in car-pools with colleagues, and we always tried to fit any trainees on placements into the car-pools.

CuthbertDibbleandGrubb · 06/04/2021 17:23

Is there the possibility of a better offer, do you have to accept now?

GoWalkabout · 06/04/2021 17:27

It's one of the ways you give your child a leg up in life. Inconvenience yourselves.

lljkk · 06/04/2021 17:28

Gut feeling is simple yes but she must contribute something towards petrol. Apprenticeships are hard to get.

It sounds like she'll be able to drive within 6m but what vehicle will she drive, and who will pay to insure it? The car OP's DH isn't using ? - because he currently WFH?

Original poster
JensonsAcolyte · 06/04/2021 17:54

@lljkk

Gut feeling is simple yes but she must contribute something towards petrol. Apprenticeships are hard to get.

It sounds like she'll be able to drive within 6m but what vehicle will she drive, and who will pay to insure it? The car OP's DH isn't using ? - because he currently WFH?

She has money (lovely InLaws) for a car and insurance.
OP posts:
RB68 · 06/04/2021 17:55

I would do it HOWEVER I would expect her to be doing chores as a than you to help out as we are taking alot of time out of our day. Also I would be tempted once she has had a few lessons to use it as driving practice wherever possible - saving lesson money in the long run as 90% of it is practice once you have the jist of driving

Frenchfancy · 06/04/2021 18:03

I would do it, but use it for driving practice. You should be very proud of her finding a placement, and for choosing an apprentiship.

safariboot · 06/04/2021 18:04

Take her, but she needs to spend some of her apprentice wages on driving lessons. (Depending on overall money situation you could go 50:50 on the costs.)

Sounds like for this particular placement, if you don't drive your child there, the place will go to another child whose parents do.

GreyhoundG1rl · 06/04/2021 18:09

God, the poor kid will be earning buttons Confused. She'll never finance driving lessons on a apprenticeship wage.

daisypond · 06/04/2021 18:12

Take her. Do not forego the apprenticeship.

Comefromaway · 06/04/2021 18:13

Good apprentiships are so rare. I'd do anything possible to facilitate it.

My dh is no longer able to drive due to a medical condition and to facilitate him keeping his job I get up at 6am to drive him to the station. I pick him up again in the evening even though my work hours are very different.

It's no different for a child. If there were a choice of apprentiships or it was impossible to drive her there (eg it would mean you and your dh not being able to get to your work on time) then she'd have to decline but in your position I'd do everything possible to enable her to take this opportunity.