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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU and what am I missing here?

199 replies

AccidentallyOnPurpose · 06/04/2021 11:50

Two days ago DD had a nose bleed in the morning. Nothing massive, stopped after a minute of pressure all well and good.

Later she went on a walk with her friend and the friend's mum. Half an hour later mum rings and tells me DD has had a nose bleed. I told her she had one in the morning and she has wipes and tissues in her back pack and I can come and get her if she wants me to. Her entire tone changed and was very angry I didn't tell her and that it wasn't fair I let her deal with this and "if I had known..".Weird ,but fair enough.

Went to get DD, turn out the "nose bleed" was a couple of sneezes where DD's snot got mixed up with old blood so there were traces but not a full blown one. Friend's mum barely talked to me and when she did was to reiterate that I should've told her. I'm just explaining this because there was no mess for her to clean up, she didn't touch any blood or anything like that. DD sneezed(albeit in her arm not in a tissue) , saw and cleaned herself up.

Later on I sent her a message apologising , saying I didn't really think it was a big deal and asking if there's anything else going going on between the girls or with me that made her react that way.

This morning I got another ranty message about how I don't get it(it's true I really don't ) ,nothing else is going on and she can't believe I'm not taking this seriously. I broke her trust and I should've told her and that's that. At this point I just left it, I still don't get it and I'm not apologising again.

So AIBU? What am I missing?

OP posts:
Butwasitherdriveway · 06/04/2021 16:12

@GreyhoundG1rl yes I can see that point too

steppemum · 06/04/2021 16:14

@Walkaround

It is a very weird reaction from the other mum. However, people don’t just get a random nosebleed one day for no reason - they may have abnormally weak blood vessels in their nose, have had a blow to the nose, allergies aggravating the lining of their nose, a drug habit, an aggressive nose picking habit and extremely sharp fingernails, a viral infection, etc, etc, but they will not have a completely normal, healthy nose that just happened for no reason whatsoever to bleed out of the blue. So I would probably have mentioned the nosebleed to the other mother, tbh, but would not have been particularly upset if someone failed to mention to me something they didn’t expect to repeat itself while I was looking after their child.
ds used to get nosebleeds. Sometimes he would gte them every day for a week, and then not again for 6 months. Sometimes he woudl just get one and then not again for 6 months.

Dh was same as a kid.
dd has had a few, usually one and then not again for 3 years!

It really isn't a big deal, and isn't due to an underlying issue.

But i suppose as I am used to them, I really don't think twice about them, where as someone not used to them may be more stressed.

billy1966 · 06/04/2021 16:16

Batshit and very aggressive.

Soundsike a drama queen to me.

I'd be backing away from this quietly.

The teen years will be hell for someone so rude and hysterical.

Bluntness100 · 06/04/2021 16:20

I don’t understand this either, I’d possibly just text back and say “gosh I’m sorry, she’s totally fine and there was nothing to worry about, hence I didn’t mention it, hope all is ok”

And then don’t interact further.

I think though you’ve seen a couple of posters have said they’d react the same, one even said they’d “shit themselves” so possibly she’s like these posters. The overwhelming majority of parents would react like you though,

MotherOfDragons27 · 06/04/2021 16:41

Jesus, dread to think her reaction if your DD had started her period while with her! What a nut job.

itsgettingwierd · 06/04/2021 16:47

@Itsokthanks

Maybe she should've warned you she's unable to cope with minor things such as nose breeds and then you could've known to warn her. She's making a big deal out of nothing.
Is have been so tempted (but would t as like you I wouldn't want to ruin my child's friendship) to reply

"Of course if I had realised you'd have such a huge reaction to a bit of blood in snot I would have told you. I don't really react to minor things like nosebleeds and appreciate it was wrong of me to assume everyone was the same".

Totally passive aggressive and likely unnecessary flaming the fire but it would have felt good for the few seconds it took to type and send BlushGrin

GreyhoundG1rl · 06/04/2021 16:49

@MotherOfDragons27

Jesus, dread to think her reaction if your DD had started her period while with her! What a nut job.
Different orifice 😂. Respiratory illnesses tend not to breed in your nethers, unless your body is malfunctioning badly.
nicknamehelp · 06/04/2021 16:59

I wouldn't of thought to mention it or made a fuss if it happened to me by the time dc this age as a parent you've dealt with most things with your own dc and so no issue dealing with them with others.
Think the other parent has over reacted.

MintLampShade · 06/04/2021 17:04

It's not you OP, I really don't get it either. The bleeding had stopped but he time she went on the walk so I really don't see how it's relevant. Unless it's related to a medical condition (which I don't think you said it did) there's absolutely no need for her to know. Could happen to anyone and she was massively overreacting. Especially as it didn't even happen on her watch. Beyond me.

Suzi888 · 06/04/2021 17:07

@Magnificentmug12

This depends on the age of your daughter, if she is young, 8 or under I would be angry with you too because if that happened to me whilst your daughter was in my care I would have shit myself! So would be pissed you didn’t tell me beforehand.

If your daughter is 14 or so then the mum is overreacting, but that could also be due to a phobia, but if you don’t know about the phobia then she should have told you too.

What if the child has an accident, or picks their nose and starts a bleed or starts their period. Strewth if you can’t cope with these things maybe you shouldn’t look after children at all in case something random happens! Confused
justforthis7 · 06/04/2021 17:19

Is it less about the nosebleed and more about the sneezing? Perhaps she’s worried it could be covid and thinks you should have told her your daughter was having symptoms - I realise she wasn’t having symptoms and the nosebleed was just that but perhaps she thinks the earlier one was also a sneeze and you should have told her? You might be talking at cross purposes. She still sounds a bit mad though.

Smartiepants79 · 06/04/2021 17:31

A very odd over reaction.
I’m also surprised at the number of people (most of them presumably parents and mostly above the age of 20) who wouldn’t know what to do with a minor nosebleed. They’re a very common occurrence.

abeanbaked · 06/04/2021 17:43

@Smartiepants79 I thought the same. Wouldn't want to collapse in the street infront of any of these people Hmm

JaniceBattersby · 06/04/2021 17:48

Sometimes, I have no idea how some people get from one end of the day to the next.

If one of my kids had a minor nosebleed is probably have forgotten all about it twenty minutes later. I absolutely would not consider informing another parent who was due to spend some time with my kid later that day. Wouldn’t even cross my mind.

m0therofdragons · 06/04/2021 18:09

Dd1 has them all the time and deals with them - usually when having a growth spurt. It wouldn’t occur to me to mention it. They’re not contagious.

Original poster
AccidentallyOnPurpose · 06/04/2021 19:14

@justforthis7

Is it less about the nosebleed and more about the sneezing? Perhaps she’s worried it could be covid and thinks you should have told her your daughter was having symptoms - I realise she wasn’t having symptoms and the nosebleed was just that but perhaps she thinks the earlier one was also a sneeze and you should have told her? You might be talking at cross purposes. She still sounds a bit mad though.
Is sneezing a symptom of Covid now?

I mean, I'd find it even more bonkers if I had to inform someone,anyone of every time DD sneezed,regardless of nose bleeds.

OP posts:
NoLactose · 06/04/2021 19:24

She's nuts.

nicknamehelp · 06/04/2021 19:37

I wouldn't of thought to mention it or made a fuss if it happened to me by the time dc this age as a parent you've dealt with most things with your own dc and so no issue dealing with them with others.
Think the other parent has over reacted.

Gumandbass · 06/04/2021 19:48

@Josette77

She probably got nervous and scared and if she'd known would have been fine.
A grown woman, was nervous & scared because a kid sneezed & her snot had a trace of blood in it!?. Give over. You didn't do anything wrong, her reaction is odd. Is she known for being a bit of a drama lama?
tortoiselover100 · 06/04/2021 19:50

I can't believe that there are adults who have never ever had a nosebleed!!!

Rillington · 06/04/2021 19:54

@tortoiselover100 really? I don't know anyone who has had one.

LittleBearPad · 06/04/2021 19:55
Confused

She sounds difficult. Would love to know why she’s so upset but understand not pushing it!

Ivy455 · 06/04/2021 20:10

She's fucking nuts.

stackemhigh · 06/04/2021 20:16

Never had a nosebleed either, but wouldn’t be so disturbed by someone having one.

Talkwhilstyouwalk · 06/04/2021 20:19

She sounds crazy, completely over the top, and very confrontational. I would have probably forgotten to mention it as well.

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