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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU and what am I missing here?

199 replies

AccidentallyOnPurpose · 06/04/2021 11:50

Two days ago DD had a nose bleed in the morning. Nothing massive, stopped after a minute of pressure all well and good.

Later she went on a walk with her friend and the friend's mum. Half an hour later mum rings and tells me DD has had a nose bleed. I told her she had one in the morning and she has wipes and tissues in her back pack and I can come and get her if she wants me to. Her entire tone changed and was very angry I didn't tell her and that it wasn't fair I let her deal with this and "if I had known..".Weird ,but fair enough.

Went to get DD, turn out the "nose bleed" was a couple of sneezes where DD's snot got mixed up with old blood so there were traces but not a full blown one. Friend's mum barely talked to me and when she did was to reiterate that I should've told her. I'm just explaining this because there was no mess for her to clean up, she didn't touch any blood or anything like that. DD sneezed(albeit in her arm not in a tissue) , saw and cleaned herself up.

Later on I sent her a message apologising , saying I didn't really think it was a big deal and asking if there's anything else going going on between the girls or with me that made her react that way.

This morning I got another ranty message about how I don't get it(it's true I really don't ) ,nothing else is going on and she can't believe I'm not taking this seriously. I broke her trust and I should've told her and that's that. At this point I just left it, I still don't get it and I'm not apologising again.

So AIBU? What am I missing?

OP posts:
DoubleTweenQueen · 06/04/2021 12:37

I don't see how your DD having a small/limited nose bleed in the morning affects her afternoon plans adversely. You provided her with supplies to deal with another, if it came along. I don't see what the other parent has to be upset about, or the importance of her being informed, either.

Original poster
AccidentallyOnPurpose · 06/04/2021 12:40

@TokyoSushi

I suppose you probably should have told her, if there were tissues and wipes in her bag, that suggests that you thought it might happen again.

But her reaction is very weird and completely overdramatic!

I didn't, I'm just a control freak over packer .Grin She always has stuff like that and other things in her back pack .. just in case.

But now that you mention it, maybe she thought the same which maybe would explain why she was upset.

I'm just going to keep quiet and not feed into it, for the sake of girl's friendship. That's the reason I posted really, as I'm worried now it might affect it.

OP posts:
JackieTheFart · 06/04/2021 12:40

Absolutely baffling response.

And for those saying you should have told her - why? OP doesn’t say her daughter is prone to nosebleeds, just that she had one a few hours before. If she’d been sick or similar then sure, probably good to pass that information on, but a nose bleed?! If the child had never had one before, how would you deal with it?

Bluetrews25 · 06/04/2021 12:40

I also do not get the upset from friend.
The DD was able to deal with it, for one, and did not need any assistance. And for another thing, DD is probably able to speak herself?!

pictish · 06/04/2021 12:40

“You’re right, I don’t get it. It didn’t occur to me to mention it because it’s minor. I must be missing something. Can you explain why you’re angry about it?”

LaceyBetty · 06/04/2021 12:45

I would never in a million years think to tell someone my child had had a nosebleed in this situation. I used to get them all the time when I was 10. Not a big deal and any parent should be able to handle something as minor as this. Very weird reaction on this woman's part.

Thepilotlightsgoneout · 06/04/2021 12:46

Very odd behaviour from this person.

lobsteroll · 06/04/2021 12:48

She sounds unhinged. There must be more to it (blood phobia etc) that she isn't mentioning.

She doesn't sound like a very capable person to leave in charge of your child if she can't cope with a bit of bloody snot. I wouldn't leave my daughter in her care again. Her reaction must have made your daughter feel awful.

Potpourriandpennysweets · 06/04/2021 12:48

Severe asthma? Diabetes? Epilepsy? Yeah i would want to know. Noro virus, chicken pox, covid 19 or anything else contagious or infectious please keep them home. Otherwise nosebleeds? Just part of life surely. Nosebleeds can happen to anyone at any time, yes some people are more prone to them but if your old enough to carry your own tissues and clear up the mess than what's the problem? 10 is more than old enough to do that. Unless she has a phobia of blood or OCD this seems OTT

DispensingShitAdviceSince2002 · 06/04/2021 12:49

The woman sounds mad.

If a child has something wrong that's worth mentioning, then they are on the whole better kept at home. I would be very fed up if someone's child vomited while with me, and it turned out they had vomited earlier at home, for instance.

But a nosebleed is a complete non-event.

ChilliMum · 06/04/2021 12:49

Totally bizarre, both my kids get nosebleeds and i have never thought to mention it to other mums as they are both perfectly capable of dealing with it. Surely anyway it's just one of those childhood things like bumps, wobbly teeth and toilet accidents - all things that have happened with visitors at my house at one time or another. If you have a child in your care who needs your help you deal with it!!

swiftt · 06/04/2021 12:53

Bizarre. I don’t get it. Does she think it’s a COVID symptom or something?

Llamadramasheepface · 06/04/2021 12:53

She sounds absolutely bat shit. My DS has nosebleeds all the time. Sometimes 2 or 3 a day (gp is fully aware). He would never be allowed lout if everyone's parents were like this woman.

jessstan2 · 06/04/2021 12:54

@elenacampana

I might have mentioned it to her in passing but don’t think it’s a very big deal at all that you didn’t mention it. Think she’s being dramatic.
She is. I used to have nose bleeds quite a lot as a child. In those days people used to say they would stop when I started having periods; I don't know how true that is but they certainly did stop. I do not remember having one after the age of 12.

You can't predict when a child is going to have a nose bleed, she could have one in the morning and not another for a couple of months at least. It's only a problem if it doesn't stop and in the case of adults, they often have to have nasal blood vessels cauterised but there is usually nothing sinister about it.

Original poster
AccidentallyOnPurpose · 06/04/2021 12:55

@lobsteroll

She sounds unhinged. There must be more to it (blood phobia etc) that she isn't mentioning.

She doesn't sound like a very capable person to leave in charge of your child if she can't cope with a bit of bloody snot. I wouldn't leave my daughter in her care again. Her reaction must have made your daughter feel awful.

DD was mostly ok but very baffled. "I wasn't even bleeding mum!" . I just told her friend's mum might've got very scared thinking she got hurt and adults do that sometimes. I'm keeping it very low key and no big deal with her.
OP posts:
CustardySergeant · 06/04/2021 12:56

Magnificentmug12 "This depends on the age of your daughter, if she is young, 8 or under I would be angry with you too because if that happened to me whilst your daughter was in my care I would have shit myself! So would be pissed you didn’t tell me beforehand."

Why on earth would you have "shit yourself" over a child having a nosebleed? It's so trivial that it's not worth mentioning that a child had a nosebleed earlier in the day. I would expect anyone told that would think "So what?". Confused

DontDrinkDontSmokeWhatDoIDo · 06/04/2021 12:57

Wow - any child could have a nosebleed - to me this is a massive overreaction.

Maybe she had a blood phobia that she hasn't told you about?

jessstan2 · 06/04/2021 13:00

@DontDrinkDontSmokeWhatDoIDo

Wow - any child could have a nosebleed - to me this is a massive overreaction.

Maybe she had a blood phobia that she hasn't told you about?

That is the most likely explanation.

I hope she is on Mumsnet and reads this. It might help her to get some perspective.

Rukaya · 06/04/2021 13:00

I would be angry with you too because if that happened to me whilst your daughter was in my care I would have shit myself! So would be pissed you didn’t tell me beforehand

You would shit yourself if a child had a small nosebleed? Are you generally completely incompetent or do you have some kind of bizarre phobia? Either way its your own issue and not one you should be blaming other people for!

JosephineBaker · 06/04/2021 13:02

She's bonkers. A nosebleed isn't something you need to "warn " people about.

bloodyhell19 · 06/04/2021 13:03

Her reaction is very odd and overdramatic. Bloody snot is not necessarily something I'd phone immediately about unless it was a nose bleed in full flow & considering DD is 10, I'd be more likely to ask her if she's had a nose bleed before etc...

She's either unhinged, incredibly overdramatic or she has a blood phobia, which in that case it would be far easier to say "argh can you please just let me know in future because I have a phobia and need to be prepared" rather than going on several rants...

flooredreally · 06/04/2021 13:04

I would be angry with you too because if that happened to me whilst your daughter was in my care I would have shit myself! So would be pissed you didn’t tell me beforehand

Shit yourself?!

Mumtothelittlefella · 06/04/2021 13:05

Crazy behaviour from her. My DS gets very regularly nose bleeds - several times a day, especially in hay fever season. We’ve been to Dr about it but they aren’t concerned at all - some people are just more prone than others. At 9 he’s perfectly capable of dealing with it himself. There really isn’t an issue and she’s massively over reacting.

therocinante · 06/04/2021 13:06

Children get nosebleeds all the time, she's being batshit.

OctupusObsidian · 06/04/2021 13:09

Fear of blood?

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