To have told DD she has stretchmarks?

[Shitmotherright]

DD14 has developed very quickly over the past year. She is a very withdrawn child. Still holds my hand when we go out, won't go anywhere alone, doesn't speak to many people.
She has, basically, gone from child to woman over lockdown. Periods started, 30DD chest, hips, etc.
She has developed severe stretchmarks on her chest and legs so I bought her some Bio oil and keep reminding her to apply it.
DP thinks I'm giving her issues but I have never made a big deal of it. Just said 'have you put your cream on?'
She has been wearing shorts this weekend and hasn't started shaving yet, although I've offered to show her, so I don't think she's self-conscious. I'm just thinking about when she gets older and becomes conscious of her body.
AIBU?

My Nan used to point out my acne and stretch marks and buy me creams like she thought I hadn't noticed them. She made me so so self conscious it has had a lasting impact on me. You need to leave her be

You know what I’m gonna go against the grain here and say part of what OP has done is ok. As a teenager in high school I didn’t look after myself, my mum took the easy approach and didn’t talk to me about shaving, sorting my acne or even stretch marks which Again I got as most teenagers do. Guess what I got so badly bullied for it that I’ll never forget it. I came home in tears one day because some little shits took the piss out of my hairy legs and stretch marks. Had a conversation with my mum and we went out and bought everything. Stretchmarks do not go but with body lotion and bio oil they can fade. I suspect OP is mentioning things to be kind but saying the wrong thing. Maybe Have a conversation with her and offer to go shopping for a few bits. don’t nag at her everyday but leave the stuff in her room and eventually when she’s ready she’ll use it. It’s very hard being a teenager.

I’m no fan of my mum (nc) but one of the things she got right was skincare.
The way she couched it when I was a greasy, olive, spotty teen was that you could minimise the outbreaks and, by maintaining a decent regime, make sure that the skin you had (whether scarred/dark/pale/) stayed healthy and lasted you a lifetime.

Kids are DS (14) and DD (almost 12) and they enjoy skincare, including gentle masks and scrubs, as well as SPF moisturisers and so on. It’s almost a hobby, IYSWIM. I’ve never worn makeup, but I do enjoy my unguents and mix advice to the kids with fun.
They’ve both inherited my greasy skin, which I’ve always bigged up to them while saying that it might cause a few spots short-term.

Thankfully, neither needs reminding to cleanse and moisturise etc as, like my mum, I’ve presented it all as making the most of what you have and protecting it, rather than looking to alter or improve it.
It’s also been important to me that DS is involved and engaged so that it’s not just a girl thing and I’ve overheard them talking about how important it is to rinse off a clay mask thoroughly before moisturising.
Bit wordy, but my main gist is to make it all about being good enough as you are, but taking care of that “good enough”.

Totally unreasonable because bio oil will do fuck all other than give your daughter a complex. It’s not like you’re trying to help her out with spots is it? I could understand that as you can treat spots with certain washes/creams etc.

You can’t make stretch marks go away. I have plenty from pregnancy, very large ones. Faded to silver now but thankfully they never really bothered me. My mum had them and also wasn’t too bothered so perhaps I just had a better role model.

My DD is nearly 14, not overweight and has very noticeable stretch marks on her hips, breasts and thighs. She's very conscious of them but I haven't made an issue of it. I told her they will fade eventually and it's part of growing up.

I certainly wouldn't be nagging her to put bio oil on, it's just drawing attention to them and she's probably more than aware of them.

How/why is everyone looking at their teens' bodies? Mine won't let anyone in when they're changing/showering.

Yeah I don't see my kids either
They bathe and change alone since about 11.

My mum made derogatory comments about my body a lot. Fortunately it was water off a ducks back but only because I had more serious things to worry about.

I can't imagine looking at my kids and pointing out flaws. How can that possibly help them?

If I could go back and relive my teen years, I'd spend a lot less time thinking about what I bloody look like and more time enjoying my youth. A bit more focus at school wouldn't go amiss either. 😀

Stretch marks? I've got plenty. Life's too short to give a shit.

How/why is everyone looking at their teens' bodies? Mine won't let anyone in when they're changing/showering

Mine wander around in their pants a lot. Not every house is full of people who won't let anyone see an ankle!

Oh gosh 21 pages o
In.. Op yes you may be a little heavy handed but all those mums who don't point something out. How is the dc supposed to know or how to treat it?
I have then too and no one noticed but I would have been great full if actually my mum had noticed and said.. Those lines are stretch marks.. Everyone has them and some people use this oil to help the skin, many don't..

Leave it at that.
My dd had awful acne and didn't mention it and was piking her spots.. We got topcial cream and they are pretty much gone but with slight scaring.. I didn't make a big deal of it..

But at the same time how can a 13year old possibly understand that whilst she's not self conscious about looks now.. She maybe at 15 and have tons of scarring on her face..

It's like not telling someone they have spinach in their tooth, surely tell them but in a light way and point out the wider perspective?

Op my dd also has very hairy legs which I've not mentioned yet.. She's in blissful ignorance about shaving etc so I won't say anything yet... But when I do it will be a something causal about some women like to remove body hair.. And they do it blah....

I don’t think the oil is going to help with her stretchmarks tbh. They’ll fade naturally over time. Best thing you can do is NOT draw attention to them and not imply that it matters if she has them.

Criticism, even implied, cuts much deeper when it’s from a mother. I’d back off and focus on confidence building.

@CharlotteRose90

You know what I’m gonna go against the grain here and say part of what OP has done is ok. As a teenager in high school I didn’t look after myself, my mum took the easy approach and didn’t talk to me about shaving, sorting my acne or even stretch marks which Again I got as most teenagers do. Guess what I got so badly bullied for it that I’ll never forget it. I came home in tears one day because some little shits took the piss out of my hairy legs and stretch marks. Had a conversation with my mum and we went out and bought everything. Stretchmarks do not go but with body lotion and bio oil they can fade. I suspect OP is mentioning things to be kind but saying the wrong thing. Maybe Have a conversation with her and offer to go shopping for a few bits. don’t nag at her everyday but leave the stuff in her room and eventually when she’s ready she’ll use it. It’s very hard being a teenager.

I agree with all of this. It's tricky being the parent of a teenager. I think the op has the best intentions but I'd probably recommend backing off about mentioning the bio oil again. I've done the same with my DS and his spots. He has the cream and if he cba to use it without me reminding me, then so be it.

Wow. You have given her plenty of body/self image issues to grow up with. What a horrible thing to do to your daughter.