To have told DD she has stretchmarks?

[Shitmotherright]

DD14 has developed very quickly over the past year. She is a very withdrawn child. Still holds my hand when we go out, won't go anywhere alone, doesn't speak to many people.
She has, basically, gone from child to woman over lockdown. Periods started, 30DD chest, hips, etc.
She has developed severe stretchmarks on her chest and legs so I bought her some Bio oil and keep reminding her to apply it.
DP thinks I'm giving her issues but I have never made a big deal of it. Just said 'have you put your cream on?'
She has been wearing shorts this weekend and hasn't started shaving yet, although I've offered to show her, so I don't think she's self-conscious. I'm just thinking about when she gets older and becomes conscious of her body.
AIBU?

The stretch marks will fade, but the damage done by pointing them out and acting like they're something to be ashamed of likely won't.

I think you should Stfu about her changing body unless she asks for help or advice, and if they come up in conversation you should apologise for making a big deal out of something that is natural, normal and shouldn't matter at all, and explain that it's your own hang ups that made you act like an idiot.

I put on 3 stone. My boob size stayed the same!

I never showed my mum my boobs when I was fourteen so if I had had stretch marks, she wouldn't have known (she wouldn't have cared anyway).

@NiceGerbil

A poster assumed ops DD was overweight because she has 30DD breasts.

That's a silly assumption.

I'm also interested to understand if shaving legs is a matter of basic hygiene, why men are leaving themselves so unhygienic.

It mainly shows that poster doesn't know how bras work.

If she was a 38DD, they might have a point. A 30DD is someone with a small band size and large breasts, so someone who is thin to average in weight, but top-heavy.

Cup sizes have nothing to do with weight. It's the band size you need to look at.

I'm also interested to understand if shaving legs is a matter of basic hygiene, why men are leaving themselves so unhygienic.

We live in a gendered world. In general, men are expected to be hairy-legged and it is also acceptable if they show hair on their faces. For women, presenting yourself in a hairy-legged state is considered unusual and an indication of being something of an outlaw, for want of a better word. Someone who disregards standards of hygiene and presentation.

Wrt 'shaving is a part of basic hygiene' -

Really? Where?
Is this something that depends on how hairy you are?
How hairy would you have to be in order for it to become a hygiene issue?
Please elaborate.

Either you are being completely disingenuous or you are posing as shocked just for effect.

Women and girls routinely shave their legs in the modern western world, and sometimes even their arms. In the case of arms, it's often women with thicker and darker arm hair who shave. In the case of legs, women with all sorts of hair colours shave. Women are particularly likely to shave leg and/or arm hair in the warmer months but many do it all year round. They do it to look groomed, which is a way of presenting as 'feminine'.

What did you think all the women's razors and depilatory products you see in supermarkets and chemists were being used for? Moustaches?

@mathanxiety

I'm also interested to understand if shaving legs is a matter of basic hygiene, why men are leaving themselves so unhygienic.

We live in a gendered world. In general, men are expected to be hairy-legged and it is also acceptable if they show hair on their faces. For women, presenting yourself in a hairy-legged state is considered unusual and an indication of being something of an outlaw, for want of a better word. Someone who disregards standards of hygiene and presentation.

It's a strange one.

Whether or not you choose to remove pubic hair, you can understand that for some women, feelings of hygiene can come into play. Pubic hair gets all kinds of bodily fluids running through it given where it's positioned.

But leg hair? Unless you go regularly fell running and your legs get regularly coated in mud, what is getting trapped in leg hair? Female leg hair typically isn't capable of being that long or thick, so nothing really clings to it. The hygiene argument doesn't really hold up.

When we all stayed at home, did we shave our legs? When we started going out again, did we shave our legs?

If we didn't feel compelled to shave our legs when on our own for such long periods of time, clearly our hairy legs don't feel dirty to us.

I don't like leaving the house with my legs exposed unless they're shaved. I cannot explain it. If the answer is that I've been conditioned by society, it's a bit disturbing that I can't even see that. I can't think of any other logical explanation though.

Pubic hair is a necessary part of the adult human body. It conducts fluids away from the body which might otherwise cause problems. Leg hair otoh has no really important function.

There is nothing wrong with sweat but we wash our armpits and apply anti-perspirant and deodorant (waiting for someone to rock up all wide-eyed at this news, or to deny this...) We've been conditioned to find the smell of sweat repugnant, and sweat showing through clothes is considered a sign of something wrong with you.

Hygiene is a very broad term which encompasses a lot of practices that have nothing to do with health (like leaving pubic hair alone, or brushing teeth) or physical necessity (like trimming nails), but they are part of the routines we engage in in order to present ourselves as functioning members of society.

Last bit should read -

Hygiene is a very broad term which encompasses a lot of practices that have nothing to do with health (like applying anti-perspirant), or have a lot to do with health (like leaving pubic hair alone, or brushing teeth) or are a physical necessity (like trimming nails)

Future women don't stand a chance of destroying the standards that we have been set by society of their parents are still perceiving things like stretch marks and body hair as 'flaws'.

They are not flaws. They are a normal part of being female (or male as a matter of fact) and they should be treated as such not taught as something a young girl needs to 'fix'.

Stretch marks fade. All the teens I grew up with had them at some point. I think it's very destructive to make her hyper aware of them re the oil. I'm more worried re your lack of concern with how withdrawn she is. I was similar at 15 & I've struggled with depression for years. I now realise that's when it started. Also, I had a rigid, bitter, hyper critical, emotionally abusive mother who never showed me an ounce of affection : so guess where my depression was rooted?

@Unexpectedbaby

Future women don't stand a chance of destroying the standards that we have been set by society of their parents are still perceiving things like stretch marks and body hair as 'flaws'.

They are not flaws. They are a normal part of being female (or male as a matter of fact) and they should be treated as such not taught as something a young girl needs to 'fix'.

Exactly this.

@mathanxiety

Last bit should read -

Hygiene is a very broad term which encompasses a lot of practices that have nothing to do with health (like applying anti-perspirant), or have a lot to do with health (like leaving pubic hair alone, or brushing teeth) or are a physical necessity (like trimming nails)

Hygiene means 'conditions or practices conducive to maintaining health and preventing disease, especially through cleanliness'.

Removing leg hair is more likely to harm you physically than leaving it there (cuts and nicks, ingrown hairs etc), so cannot be considered a matter of hygiene. Using anti-perspirant is could be considered a hygiene issue- the accumulation of sweat on skin kept underneath clothes in moist, warm conditions could result in a fungal infection. So you keep the area dry and clean as far as possible, either through twice or thrice-a-day washing or daily washing with application of an anti-perspirant.

Cleanliness is also a condition of acceptance in our society, regardless of whether it is strictly necessary for the purposes of hygiene, so keeping clothing smelling fresh is important- hence the popularity of anti-perspirant, though changing shirt would work too.

Leg hair removal is not necessary for either hygiene or cleanliness.

@Unexpectedbaby

Future women don't stand a chance of destroying the standards that we have been set by society of their parents are still perceiving things like stretch marks and body hair as 'flaws'.

They are not flaws. They are a normal part of being female (or male as a matter of fact) and they should be treated as such not taught as something a young girl needs to 'fix'.

So true. So sad that it still even a discussion. fgs.

@mathanxiety

I'm also interested to understand if shaving legs is a matter of basic hygiene, why men are leaving themselves so unhygienic.

We live in a gendered world. In general, men are expected to be hairy-legged and it is also acceptable if they show hair on their faces. For women, presenting yourself in a hairy-legged state is considered unusual and an indication of being something of an outlaw, for want of a better word. Someone who disregards standards of hygiene and presentation.

Leg hair is nothing. to. do. with. hygiene.

FFS

For women, presenting yourself in a hairy-legged state is considered unusual and an indication of being something of an outlaw, for want of a better word. Someone who disregards standards of hygiene and presentation

Presentation, yes. Hygiene, no.

Just admit you used the wrong word, ffs. Stop digging.

Maybe not 'hygiene' (I used that word earlier and was jumped on), but 'grooming'; shaving was certainly always part of my 'hygiene' routine but I accept you can be clean without doing that. However someone else has started a thread and talked about 'sleep hygiene', so maybe best to not quibble about words.

I'll keep "quibbling" about words for as long as you, mathanxiety, and others keep making women feel like shit for not shaving.

Cannot remember the last time I shaved my legs. I do my pits because I prefer it. My dd doesn't shave her armpits and I would NEVER address it. It is her choice and no bugger elses business

I quite like my stretchmarks. I never had any until birthing my children but they are a reminder and I like the way they look. If someone gave me bio oil I would likely chuck it at them

You should probably just leave her to it, my mother has given me life long issues over my ‘hairiness’ because she pointed it out.. all.. the.. time. Even trying to cut my arm hair.

I shower daily so my leg hair is very clean!

Yes I think you are. You are pointing them out to her as if it's something bad and telling her to put cream on them. I know you're intentions are gd but I agree with ur partner.

Leg hair is nothing. to. do. with. hygiene

It's obvious, but apparently needs saying.

I'll keep "quibbling" about words for as long as you, mathanxiety, and others keep making women feel like shit for not shaving

I'll be right there quibbling with you.

They are not flaws. They are a normal part of being female (or male as a matter of fact) and they should be treated as such not taught as something a young girl needs to 'fix'

This in spades. What a bloody depressing thread.

@jessstan2

Maybe not 'hygiene' (I used that word earlier and was jumped on), but 'grooming'; shaving was certainly always part of my 'hygiene' routine but I accept you can be clean without doing that. However someone else has started a thread and talked about 'sleep hygiene', so maybe best to not quibble about words.

Nothing wrong with sleep hygiene as a term- hygiene means 'conditions or practices conducive to maintaining health and preventing disease', so sleep hygiene would mean things you can do WRT sleep in order to stay healthy.

@TheOneWithTheBigNose

I shower daily so my leg hair is very clean!

I'm sure it is. Do you apply conditioner?

I tried putting rollers in my pubic hair but it made it difficult to walk and they kept falling out, embarrassing if you're walking along the road wearing a skirt. They protruded under trousers. When I did a shampoo and set on my armpits I had to walk around with arms outstretched for a while.

In the end it was easier to shave.