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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have told DD she has stretchmarks?

513 replies

Shitmotherright · 06/04/2021 01:09

DD14 has developed very quickly over the past year. She is a very withdrawn child. Still holds my hand when we go out, won't go anywhere alone, doesn't speak to many people.
She has, basically, gone from child to woman over lockdown. Periods started, 30DD chest, hips, etc.
She has developed severe stretchmarks on her chest and legs so I bought her some Bio oil and keep reminding her to apply it.
DP thinks I'm giving her issues but I have never made a big deal of it. Just said 'have you put your cream on?'
She has been wearing shorts this weekend and hasn't started shaving yet, although I've offered to show her, so I don't think she's self-conscious. I'm just thinking about when she gets older and becomes conscious of her body.
AIBU?

OP posts:
MustStayStrong01 · 07/04/2021 16:13

It's huge for the age isn't it? With a healthy BMI at that age you wouldn't have a bust that size?

GoToSleepBabyPlease · 07/04/2021 16:18

@MustStayStrong01

It's huge for the age isn't it? With a healthy BMI at that age you wouldn't have a bust that size?
Whyever not? I went to school with an absolutely teeny girl- very slight, well under 5 foot tall, but absolutely massive boobs. She looked like Betty Boop, poor thing. Genetics have the biggest influence on bust size I think.
U2HasTheEdge · 07/04/2021 16:19

@Ionlyhave2hands

Not read how far this has got but all I can see is nasty remarks about the OP so far.

As her daughter, I'd be glad she was getting a little support about things and is able to speak to her mum.

When I started getting hideous stretch marks all over my breasts when I was 13/14, I didn't tell anyone and thought I had cancer. I was terrified. If I'd have told my mum at the time, I'm sure she would have helped - just like here - and given me some oil to soothe the skin and prevent more damage. I'd have been glad.

I see it as no different to me reminding my 6 yr old son to put some Aveeno behind his knees and elbows before bed to help his eczema.

It's completely different.

Eczema is a medical condition that is uncomfortable and can get worse if not treated. Bio oil does fuck all.

A 6 year old needs reminding to treat/ sooth a medical condition, a teen does not need reminding to 'treat' something cosmetic. If it was that important to her she would remember the bio oil herself- and being reminded to use it gives her the impression that her stretch marks are something she should care about, because after all, her mum clearly does.

I got loads of stretch marks as a teen and my teen son has lots too. He pointed them out to me, I told them they are normal and will fade. That was the end of the conversation.

GreenlandTheMovie · 07/04/2021 16:23

@MustStayStrong01

It's huge for the age isn't it? With a healthy BMI at that age you wouldn't have a bust that size?
Are you the mother again?
ScarfaceCwaw · 07/04/2021 16:25

It's huge for the age isn't it? With a healthy BMI at that age you wouldn't have a bust that size?

Er, what? No. DD isn't that big on a small band size and a 30 back is a small frame. (In fact it's quite possible she's actually a 28 back or smaller - many people don't know a 28 back exists.) It's relatively prominent breasts for a 14yo but not in any way huge and not even in the slightest suggesting someone overweight.

I wear a 28F and am a size 6-8. I don't have noticeably large boobs.

PerspicaciousGreen · 07/04/2021 16:30

[quote MustStayStrong01]@Shitmotherright I would be more focused on her size... 30DD at 14? Healthy eating rather than rubbing oils in is the way forward here.[/quote]
Do you understand how bra sizes work? DD is big, but her chest/rib/underbust size is totally normal. If you were ever a teenage girl, I'm sure with a little effort you can remember that you don't get to pick your breast size - bigger or smaller! And if you glance up and down any busy street, you can see that it's not the case that all the overweight women have massive knockers and the skinny minnies just have mosquito bites.

Heartofglass12345 · 07/04/2021 16:44

Of course you are unreasonable!
You can't get rid of stretch marks and you're just going to make her paranoid about them. Bloody hell.

Wnikat · 07/04/2021 16:50

I had stretch marks at that age. They disappeared at some point. Without applying oil! Please never mention them to her again.

NiceGerbil · 07/04/2021 17:57

The cup size is related to the back size (confusingly).

So a 30DD has a smaller cup than a 36 DD.

I'm a 28F and my boobs are big for my frame but not as massive as the F makes it sound.

CokeDrinker · 08/04/2021 06:42

@MustStayStrong01 That size cup is VERY NORMAL for that age. You've never come across anyone with large boobs before and a small frame? You seem sheltered. Breast size has ZERO to do with weight. As someone who had larger boobs at 14 than that, and was tiny and thin, I can assure you that it has zero to do with weight at all. Nothing remotely to do with it. I can't believe that sort of ignorance still exists.

Butwasitherdriveway · 08/04/2021 14:13

@MustStayStrong01

It's huge for the age isn't it? With a healthy BMI at that age you wouldn't have a bust that size?
🙄
Spudbyanyothername · 08/04/2021 14:25

[quote CokeDrinker]**@MustStayStrong01* That size cup is VERY NORMAL for that age. You've never come across anyone with large boobs before and a small frame? You seem sheltered. Breast size has ZERO to do with weight. As someone who had larger boobs at 14 than that, and was tiny and thin, I can assure you that it has zero* to do with weight at all. Nothing remotely to do with it. I can't believe that sort of ignorance still exists.[/quote]
Breast size is linked with weight but as pp have said it isn’t the only factor, genetics, pregnancy etc
OPs daughter could be a healthy weight or she might not be a healthy weight. 30DD will not answer that question.

Gwenhwyfar · 08/04/2021 14:26

" Breast size has ZERO to do with weight. "

Oh come on. There are thin women with big breasts and fat women with small breasts, but it's not true that it has ZERO to do with weight!
For one thing, some slim women with big breasts can make quite a bit of money out of it if they have a pretty face too.
Many women find that their breasts change size somewhat when they lose or gain weight, even if they keep the 'ratio' if you see what I mean.

NiceGerbil · 08/04/2021 14:33

30DD does not automatically mean you are overweight.

GuildfordGal · 08/04/2021 16:07

Like it or not, shaving legs is considered a matter of hygiene these days

Sorry if I've missed the reply upthread, but why is it hygienic to shave legs?

GuildfordGal · 08/04/2021 16:09

Has the OP come back to the thread?

Bul21ia · 08/04/2021 16:16

@Gwenhwyfar

" Breast size has ZERO to do with weight. "

Oh come on. There are thin women with big breasts and fat women with small breasts, but it's not true that it has ZERO to do with weight!
For one thing, some slim women with big breasts can make quite a bit of money out of it if they have a pretty face too.
Many women find that their breasts change size somewhat when they lose or gain weight, even if they keep the 'ratio' if you see what I mean.

It’s true it doesn’t have anything to do with it. I don’t know why people are assuming... OPs DDs bra size. My bust is tiny I’m practically flat yet I’m a good size 10/12!
GuildfordGal · 08/04/2021 16:23

Breast size has ZERO to do with weight

Yes and no.

You can be overweight with small breasts and very slim with large breasts.

However, large breasts mean that your weight overall will be higher.

Gwenhwyfar · 08/04/2021 16:46

@GuildfordGal

Like it or not, shaving legs is considered a matter of hygiene these days

Sorry if I've missed the reply upthread, but why is it hygienic to shave legs?

That's total rubbish. It's a beauty issue (unless it's for cycling I suppose).
VanillaAndOrange · 08/04/2021 17:01

She has developed severe stretchmarks on her chest and legs so I bought her some Bio oil and keep reminding her to apply it.

Why should she put oil on them? Maybe she doesn't mind having them - and it's her body, not yours. I would have told her what you can do to minimise them if you want to, and left her to it.

Rukaya · 08/04/2021 17:03

" Breast size has ZERO to do with weight

Nonsense. Might be the case for some people, but for most women putting weight on includes the boobs, and so does losing it.

Gwenhwyfar · 08/04/2021 17:09

"It’s true it doesn’t have anything to do with it."

Of course some women can be slim with big breasts and others be fat with big breasts, but that doesn't mean that there is no link at all!
As I mentioned, women often change breast size when they gain and lose weight. It's silly to say there is no link at all in women in general.

Mittens030869 · 08/04/2021 17:14

As I mentioned, women often change breast size when they gain and lose weight. It's silly to say there is no link at all in women in general.

That’s certainly true of me, I have bras of several different cup sizes.

NiceGerbil · 08/04/2021 17:32

A poster assumed ops DD was overweight because she has 30DD breasts.

That's a silly assumption.

I'm also interested to understand if shaving legs is a matter of basic hygiene, why men are leaving themselves so unhygienic.

Gwenhwyfar · 08/04/2021 17:35

"A poster assumed ops DD was overweight because she has 30DD breasts.

That's a silly assumption."

Of course, but it's just as silly to say there is zero link between body size and breast size.