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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Kids away with grandparents... help??

577 replies

AH71 · 05/04/2021 16:48

I have a 13 month old and a 2 month old, and my parents are wanting to take them away this summer. They have asked if taking them away for a few days is ok, and all we asked was that they went over a weekend.
This is so that if either of the kids are not ok, poorly or otherwise, we can travel instantly to get there and be with them, whereas during the week due to work we will not be able to do this.
They are saying they can only go away during the week for 4 nights, meaning we couldn’t get to the kids if needed.
My parents think I’m being unfair and that I don’t trust them. I have tried to help them find another accommodation option so that they can still take the kids but work with our choices too but they are refusing and are willing to go without the kids rather than consider another option, then telling us the kids are missing out because of us.
I have explained that when they are older and can actually talk and tell us if anything is wrong, or they are not feeling well, they can take them further away for longer periods, it’s just peace of mind for us while neither can talk and communicate problems properly.
Am I right for having a say on when they can go? Especially with the kids being the ages they are and it being their first time away from us without being down the road?
Do I have a valid reason to want to be able to get there if we are needed?
Or are we being unreasonable?

OP posts:
skeggycaggy · 05/04/2021 16:51

How old will the kids be in the summer? Personally it would be way, way, WAY beyond my comfort zone with small kids.

rubyslippers · 05/04/2021 16:52

Think your parents are being unreasonable
Why are they so desperate for this to happen
Do your kids sleep though?!
Why can’t they do a night or two and build up
Do want to be away from your babies for so long?
Because it’s fine if you don’t want to - think your parents sound a bit fixed on what they want rather than what’s best all round

DinosaurDiana · 05/04/2021 16:52

I wouldn’t be letting them go.

PenguinBarnotBird · 05/04/2021 16:52

YANBU - Your kids your decision.

Although if I were in your boat I think I’d happily wave them off for the 4 nights. And enjoy the respite!

What age are your parents, do you think they will be able to cope?

Warrickdaviesasplates · 05/04/2021 16:53

Yes I definitely think your little ones are too young to be away for days at a time. I can't blame you for not wanting them to go.

Just tell your parents that the kids are too young to be far away at the moment and won't know they're missing out. Maybe next year when they can appreciate it properly.

HughGrantsHair · 05/04/2021 16:53

If the kids were ill at home during the week, you'd have to take time off work wouldn't you?

ASimpleLobsterHat · 05/04/2021 16:53

At those ages I’d say yanbu. It seems quite young for grandparents to have them on their own if there isn’t a necessity. My kids spend lots of the holidays at my parents, but they are much older and so much easier for them to deal with. DS1 first stayed with them on his own at about 18 months but that was because of an emergency and it wasn’t ideal.

rubyslippers · 05/04/2021 16:53

The kids wouldn’t be missing out
They won’t even remember at their ages
Sounds all about your parents wanting to do this

Justmuddlingalong · 05/04/2021 16:53

You'd prefer it to be over the weekend. If your DP's can't agree to that, it wouldn't be happening.

ThePlantsitter · 05/04/2021 16:54

You are not being unreasonable and the kids are far too young to be missing out!! Do your parents always ride roughshod over your opinions? Have they ever had two kids under two??

ThePawtriarchy · 05/04/2021 16:54

They’re so little. At that age they’re not missing out on anything. And if it’s not to help you by giving you a rest - which it isn’t if they’re pressuring you into the timing - then it’s for the grandparents only, in which case just say no.

Crocky · 05/04/2021 16:55

They are babies. They would not be missing out by not going.

ForensicFlossy · 05/04/2021 16:55

They are really young, my parents have taken my kids away on a few occasions but they were much older than yours. I wouldn't be comfortable with that.

B33Fr33 · 05/04/2021 16:56

That's crazy, your youngest will still be getting into a routine of eating! That's definitely not a great time to be away like that. Neither child will really get a lot from a break away at that age either, the grandparents house and garden would be enough of a change to be an adventure! so it's silly!

QueenArseClangers · 05/04/2021 16:56

Jesus, i’m sure i’m not in the minority saying that I wouldn’t like my 4 month old? baby going away from me for days.
Plus it sounds like they’re already riding roughshod over your boundaries so I wouldn’t trust them.
If they wanted to help then why not offer to babysit whilst you all go away for a break?
Is there a backstory to their attitude?

Noshowlomo · 05/04/2021 16:56

My boy has just gone two and I would be happy for ILs to take him away for two nights max. He’s super comfortable with them as they are our childcare but if I wanted him home for any reason they’d bring him home and they wouldn’t hold us over a barrel if we said no for any reason.
Your ILs are weird

Original poster
AH71 · 05/04/2021 16:56

@rubyslippers We always agreed they could go away with them in summer, they originally said much further away but we said no, and all we have asked is to do it over the weekend so we can get there if we are needed.
The kids sleep really well at the minute, and they do stay down there for a night or 2 already as childcare due to work etc, so they know them well enough.
@skeggycaggy The kids will be 1.5 years and 6 months at the time. It’s only for this year, from next year it wouldn’t be an issue.

OP posts:
Chocolateismakingmefat · 05/04/2021 16:56

Dc will miss you more than they would miss a holiday. Still babies! Your babies!

HedgeOwl · 05/04/2021 16:57

Fuck no would my parents be taking away essentially 2 babies.
Even an overnight at this stage I would say no too. Some friends did overnights at parents from day one but not for me! 2 months, jeez.

DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult · 05/04/2021 16:57

Your reasoning is a bit weird.

Whether its a weekday or a weekend they won't be able to tell you if they are unwell anyway. Surely if they were unwell someone would have to take the kids home from nursery or wherever anyway as well so time off would be the same.

If you don't want it to happen, thats fine, just tell your parents the dc are too young but don't make up silly excuses, they are your kids, you have the final say.

AmyandPhilipfan · 05/04/2021 16:57

Surely if your kids are ill you’d go and get them instantly no matter what day it is? If they fell ill at nursery you’d have to take time off work so I don’t think it would make any difference if they were away with your parents or at nursery.

That said, I personally wouldn’t want my kids away from me for a few days as babies anyway. They won’t understand that it’s just a holiday and could be very upset and not understand it’s only temporary and not their new life.

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 05/04/2021 16:57

I wouldn't be comfortable with this. Mine were really unsettled sleeping somewhere else til they were about 2.5 and that was with us and with the same routine. I think at under 2, 4 nights is too long unless they regularly stay for a night or so with your parents.
But what I wouldnt be happy with is their reaction, they are not attempting to see if from your point of view and are doing nothing to reassure you or reach a compromise and basically trying to bully and guilt you in to it and that would make me less likely to want to leave them

Original poster
AH71 · 05/04/2021 16:58

@HughGrantsHair I mean to be able to travel to get to them, of course if they are ill I would be off but I mean the speed of being able to leave to be with them

OP posts:
coconutpie · 05/04/2021 16:58

There is no way I would allow this. Both DC are way way too young for this.

PanamaPattie · 05/04/2021 16:59

They are babies and far too young for a holiday. I'm sure it wouldn't be much fun for the grandparents either. Nappies, vomit and no sleep. Why volunteer? It's a no from me.