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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Kids away with grandparents... help??

577 replies

AH71 · 05/04/2021 16:48

I have a 13 month old and a 2 month old, and my parents are wanting to take them away this summer. They have asked if taking them away for a few days is ok, and all we asked was that they went over a weekend.
This is so that if either of the kids are not ok, poorly or otherwise, we can travel instantly to get there and be with them, whereas during the week due to work we will not be able to do this.
They are saying they can only go away during the week for 4 nights, meaning we couldn’t get to the kids if needed.
My parents think I’m being unfair and that I don’t trust them. I have tried to help them find another accommodation option so that they can still take the kids but work with our choices too but they are refusing and are willing to go without the kids rather than consider another option, then telling us the kids are missing out because of us.
I have explained that when they are older and can actually talk and tell us if anything is wrong, or they are not feeling well, they can take them further away for longer periods, it’s just peace of mind for us while neither can talk and communicate problems properly.
Am I right for having a say on when they can go? Especially with the kids being the ages they are and it being their first time away from us without being down the road?
Do I have a valid reason to want to be able to get there if we are needed?
Or are we being unreasonable?

OP posts:

Original poster

AH71 · 05/04/2021 16:59

They do stay with them for childcare once a week at least but it’s the idea of not being able to quickly leave and get to them if anything was wrong, sorry I made that unclear.

OP posts:

Raindancer411 · 05/04/2021 16:59

At 6 months I would be wanting to keep the baby close rather than away with your parents for 4 nights. It's too young in my eyes but horses for courses I guess...

Mistressinthetulips · 05/04/2021 16:59

It would still be an issue for me next year, so not sure how useful it is to say I would say no. I would also want to be able to check accommodation with a mobile child for safety, will the place they use be suitable for you think?

MrsTumbletap · 05/04/2021 16:59

Your children your choice.

I had the same situation and was really honest and said "I would worry too much if they were too far away and I couldn't get to them quickly." Best to just be really honest and say you would worry, as that what the issue it.

My in laws compromised and did a caravan holiday for a couple of days 35 minutes away. So I could get there in an emergency.

caringcarer · 05/04/2021 17:01

A 2 month old away from you? Unless there is a real need because you were in hospital or some other such emergency I think it sounds s rediculous idea. I assume you are bottle feeding? I would not let my young children go to even my parents overnight alone until 3 or 4. Once my son was 7 he went to inlaws for s week every year, but they live by seaside and he knew them very well. They spend whole week doing all the things and eating all foods he liked. He probably felt like a king. I can vividly remember him coming back telling me Nanny cooks me Yorkshire puddings every day if I want them.

Chocolateismakingmefat · 05/04/2021 17:01

My ils requested this when dc were 1 +2. We agreed to go with them. 2 chalets next door to each other.. We had a dc in a cot per chalet.. Maybe a compromise?

BrumBoo · 05/04/2021 17:02

I know people do different things, but I just couldn't let my children at either of those ages spend half a week away from me/their dad. Especially the 6 month old, unless it's an emergency type situation. It's not about trust, it's just unnecessary for babies.

PandaFluff · 05/04/2021 17:04

Up to you but there is no way I'd be apart from my child at 6 months unless it was with her dad.

They need to build up to these things not start with 4 days!

PandaFluff · 05/04/2021 17:05

Oops I meant to say there's no way I'd be apart for that long.

Invisimamma · 05/04/2021 17:06

6 months and 18 months seems pretty young to be doing such a long stretch away from you. They are still babies really, a couple of night would be the max I would be comfortable with. The won't get much out of a holiday at that age that you couldn't do at home.

I'd jump at the opportunity for my 10 and 6yr old but even then they would still miss us.

SummerHouse · 05/04/2021 17:06

I would not go for this under any circumstances. I don't even get why GPs would want to do this. I mean it's nice that they are so involved. But it's too involved when they are questioning your requirements to feel comfortable with it.

Wellpark · 05/04/2021 17:06

The kids are too young in my opinion. What are your parents thinking of??

PandaFluff · 05/04/2021 17:07

If you've said you are only happy with a weekend then stick with it otherwise they will know they can push you until you change your mind

Original poster

AH71 · 05/04/2021 17:07

@MrsTumbletap

Your children your choice.

My in laws compromised and did a caravan holiday for a couple of days 35 minutes away. So I could get there in an emergency.

I have been honest and explained this and they were originally going further away but they've gone closer, and they're still not happy with my decision to go over a weekend. But I can't get there quickly if I'm working but they are not willing to go over a weekend

OP posts:

Tistheseason17 · 05/04/2021 17:08

@PandaFluff

Up to you but there is no way I'd be apart from my child at 6 months unless it was with her dad.

They need to build up to these things not start with 4 days!

^^ absolutely this. Some people are ok with leaving their babies and others are not. Personal choice. I could not have left mine.

Original poster

AH71 · 05/04/2021 17:08

@PandaFluff

If you've said you are only happy with a weekend then stick with it otherwise they will know they can push you until you change your mind

I have done and it's just blown into a huge argument 🤷🏼‍♀️

OP posts:

Original poster

AH71 · 05/04/2021 17:09

@SummerHouse

We are a very close family but to argue over our choices when we are thinking about what we are comfortable with is beyond crazy

OP posts:

candycane222 · 05/04/2021 17:09

Nope that's mad. Way too young. And ghey are being unreasonable in blackmailing you with nonsense about 'missing out' . The fact that they think this is a reasonable argument to use to get their way ironically shows its much more about them and their wants, than it is about the children's welfare. Missing out indeed

Fnib · 05/04/2021 17:10

I also think they are too young - particularly the baby. They don't need to be going on holiday at their age anyway. The grandparents are considering their own wants over the children's needs.
You shouldn't need to be appeasing your parents over this.

Pemberleys · 05/04/2021 17:11

Way too young and why do they need to take them on holiday? Can't they just enjoy having the grandchildren at theirs regularly for a few hours a week? Or you all go on holiday together?

Do they sleep in the same room as the 2 month old? I personally would be very uncomfortable for leaving DC that young for even a night, would they not be exhausted?

candycane222 · 05/04/2021 17:11

Just seen your updates. They are arguing with you because you won't comply with THEIR wishes about YOUR children. That's frankly insane! How dare they???

Original poster

AH71 · 05/04/2021 17:11

@PenguinBarnotBird

YANBU - Your kids your decision.

Although if I were in your boat I think I’d happily wave them off for the 4 nights. And enjoy the respite!

What age are your parents, do you think they will be able to cope?

They aren't old, they would cope, but the ease of having us up the road isn't available if needed, and if anything was wrong we'd be over an hour away, and more if we was at work in the week, hence why I asked weekend

OP posts:

PandaFluff · 05/04/2021 17:12

@AH71 I think I'd say I have set out my boundaries and what I'm comfortable with and if they can't respect that then you're going to feel less comfortable rather than more comfortable in future.

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 05/04/2021 17:12

I have a 2 month old at the moment and not a chance she would be going anywhere overnight without me in the summer. I'm really close to my mum but I know she wouldn't even consider asking me to allow that.

Chanel05 · 05/04/2021 17:12

YANBU - your children, your choice and if they don't like it then they're more than welcome to go in the week without them.

4 days is a huge responsibility for such tiny children. Don't be bullied into it either.

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