To ask about women in high heels?

[aibusux2u]

Watching a programme tonight. DH says, without any comment from me, how he feels sorry for the women feeling they have to wear high heels and how uncomfortable they look.
I then ask if he finds women in high heels more attractive (despite their discomfort) than women in low heeled shoes.
He says yes.
He can't help it.
Men are born that way.
I am angry. We have 3 daughters.
AIBU?

Honestly I think you're being extremely unfair to your DH. He was clear that he doesnt think it's fair that some women feel (or are) obligated to wear high heels (regardless of him personally finding them attractive.

Frankly if he thought that part of the problem with women wearing heels was that he finds heels unattractive, that would be far more of an issue.

You can find something attractive without thinking that its morally okay for the opposite sex to feel obligated to pander to that preference.

At 5ft nothing I'd love to wear heels, but alas I'm also top heavy so tend to keel over.
The ones I do possess are so ridiculously high that I only wear them whilst lying down.

I do wish Nicola Sturgeon wouldn't wear such spindly high heels for her daily briefings. I think on the whole she's a great role model for all girls and young women - down to earth, comfortable in her own skin, a respected leader - but it's as she's saying 'in order to be at the top of the tree, you have to wear these ridiculous shoes which restrict your mobility, hurt your feet and leave you unable to walk properly'! No you don't Nicola - you'd be very bit as effective in flats, honestly.

@Roadtohades

I do wish Nicola Sturgeon wouldn't wear such spindly high heels for her daily briefings. I think on the whole she's a great role model for all girls and young women - down to earth, comfortable in her own skin, a respected leader - but it's as she's saying 'in order to be at the top of the tree, you have to wear these ridiculous shoes which restrict your mobility, hurt your feet and leave you unable to walk properly'! No you don't Nicola - you'd be very bit as effective in flats, honestly.

Absolutely. What makes it worse is she’s so tiny and the heels throw all her proportions out. Her look’s a bit 1980s altogether. Give me Kamela any time.

[quote NoLactose]@thebillyotea it's more of a general point I'm making than about you personally.

And DMs don't give you arthritis of the spine as far as I'm aware. [/quote]
because I am the only female in the world to wear DM

give over with your fake concern about our health, you are not fooling anyone

I think you're blowing it out of proportion. Your daughters will have as much right to wear heels as they will flats - will you be disappointed in the one who likes heels?

He can't help it.
Men are born that way

This would be the issue I have.

What else can’t he help because men are born like that?

Heard it so many times over the years.

Who needs to worry about what a man thinks whilst women are so quick to judge each other.

I wore heels for years, I didn’t waddle or stick my bum out. Nor did they hurt my feet to wear.
I can’t wear heels now as I have too much damage to my ankle after a bad break which was made worse as I was wearing flip flops at the time.

@aibusux2u

I asked as a natural progression in the discussion and I am sensitive as my 3 daughters will be affected by attitudes like this. He is otherwise a good man but he can't see the contradiction in feeling women in heels are attractive and also knowing that they are on discomfort.

Where’s the contradiction? I wear heels, sometimes they hurt, sometimes they don’t - they always look sexy, that’s the whole point.

And no, I wear them for me, not for men.

I wore heels for years, I didn’t waddle or stick my bum out

How were you standing then? Normal posture in heels brings your lower back forward, making your bum more prominent.

images.app.goo.gl/49Vni3htZE1MCJXB7

It's not pretty, is it? Arse out duck waddle, never a good look. The models are even worse with the invisible tightrope. Don't know who thought that one up!

@Roadtohades

I do wish Nicola Sturgeon wouldn't wear such spindly high heels for her daily briefings. I think on the whole she's a great role model for all girls and young women - down to earth, comfortable in her own skin, a respected leader - but it's as she's saying 'in order to be at the top of the tree, you have to wear these ridiculous shoes which restrict your mobility, hurt your feet and leave you unable to walk properly'! No you don't Nicola - you'd be very bit as effective in flats, honestly.

She looks ridiculous; has no one told her that four inch heels when your are the shorter side does not convey gravitas? Angela Merkel seems to cope okay without.

[quote ContentsMayBeHot]I wore heels for years, I didn’t waddle or stick my bum out

How were you standing then? Normal posture in heels brings your lower back forward, making your bum more prominent.

images.app.goo.gl/49Vni3htZE1MCJXB7[/quote]
I don’t have a body shape at all like that example. For a start I don’t have hips and my bum is flat and if wearing heels I still don’t have hips and my bum is still flat.

Proudboomer well, you know your own body, but for the vast majority of people, wearing heels will make your bum appear more prominent. It's difficult to picture a body shape where that wouldn't be the case.

@NoLactose

Ok was being obtuse & using extreme examples 😆 But it's arguably along the same spectrum. It's not just men who supported any of these things. You are shocked by them because they are not the cultural norm for you. Point being ask yourself why you think something which is harmful to women is ok? Men are not asked to do these things are they?

@NoLactose - goodness, I don't think I've ever seen anybody use a laughing emoji so inappropriately. Nice to see you find 'extreme examples' such as FGM and foot binding so light-hearted and in the same category as women choosing to wear high heels. We are lucky enough to live in a society that allows women to have choices but sure, use those less fortunate than you for lolz. You are utterly disgraceful.

I'd say good on your husband for admitting how he feels, but the 'born that way' part is nonsense. High heels have not been around for long enough for men to have evolved to like them. It's socialization. I get the same sinking feeling about my daughters when their dad extols clichedly feminine things. But you can't blame him for how he feels, only for how he reasons about it.

@ContentsMayBeHot

Proudboomer well, you know your own body, but for the vast majority of people, wearing heels will make your bum appear more prominent. It's difficult to picture a body shape where that wouldn't be the case.

The effect isn't really that noticeable, especially if the outfit is not very form fitting.

There's a more obvious difference in the chest area though.

I'm so baffled. Why is this even an issue? You cannot police what your husband finds attractive. He might think /brown/black/ blonde/red/purple hair is attractive, god forbid your daughters have any of those hair colours?

He's allowed to like what he likes. As long as it isn't minors, or women pretending to act like babies (Bella Thorne I'm looking at you) I honestly don't see how this is offensive

@BritWifeinUSA

Men finding women attractive is what has kept the species going all these years. Do don’t be angry at him for finding certain things a turn on, even if you don’t like them.

So women finding men attractive - including them not having unattractive views/ ideas - has no bearing on the survival of the species? It's all good as long as men find the women attractive because who cares whether the women want them too? 😂😂

What are people considering heels? What about wedges or a two or three inch block heel? Are they also heels?

I feel it is stilettos that you don’t really see anymore.

Nobody dresses purely for comfort. Or we’d be in ratty old jammies and slippers wherever we went. There’s always an element of individual style or choice to what we pick. Just as we are allowed to like what other people wear too. YABU. Different if your husband expected you to wear heels for him, but seeing as you had no idea he liked heels until you were married with three kids I’m guessing he’s not pestered you about it ever! We are all individuals. We like what we like. Most people have physical types. Eg blondes or brunettes or tall, dark men or bald men etc. I wouldn’t force my DP out of his grey jogging suit but I still get turned on by him being in his uniform. And I’m not sorry about it.

@Theyrenotdrawsmate

Nobody dresses purely for comfort. Or we’d be in ratty old jammies and slippers wherever we went. There’s always an element of individual style or choice to what we pick. Just as we are allowed to like what other people wear too. YABU. Different if your husband expected you to wear heels for him, but seeing as you had no idea he liked heels until you were married with three kids I’m guessing he’s not pestered you about it ever! We are all individuals. We like what we like. Most people have physical types. Eg blondes or brunettes or tall, dark men or bald men etc. I wouldn’t force my DP out of his grey jogging suit but I still get turned on by him being in his uniform. And I’m not sorry about it.

Yeah, but jogging bottoms don't damage your legs like heels do to feet.

I used to love wearing heels and it absolutely was just for me not for men because I am tall and I think many men would have found my height with heels off-putting. It was just because I loved them.

I do however think many women feel they must wear them to look "dressed up" and that is wrong. It's not like a tuxedo or tie, those things don't hurt after wearing them for a few hours.

@Roadtohades

I do wish Nicola Sturgeon wouldn't wear such spindly high heels for her daily briefings. I think on the whole she's a great role model for all girls and young women - down to earth, comfortable in her own skin, a respected leader - but it's as she's saying 'in order to be at the top of the tree, you have to wear these ridiculous shoes which restrict your mobility, hurt your feet and leave you unable to walk properly'! No you don't Nicola - you'd be very bit as effective in flats, honestly.

Couldn’t she just be wearing them! How odd to be reading all that in to it. If she’s a great leader to you then concentrate on that and let her west what she wants.

@Roadtohades

I do wish Nicola Sturgeon wouldn't wear such spindly high heels for her daily briefings. I think on the whole she's a great role model for all girls and young women - down to earth, comfortable in her own skin, a respected leader - but it's as she's saying 'in order to be at the top of the tree, you have to wear these ridiculous shoes which restrict your mobility, hurt your feet and leave you unable to walk properly'! No you don't Nicola - you'd be very bit as effective in flats, honestly.

Should she not have the choice all women have?