To ask about women in high heels?

[aibusux2u]

Watching a programme tonight. DH says, without any comment from me, how he feels sorry for the women feeling they have to wear high heels and how uncomfortable they look.
I then ask if he finds women in high heels more attractive (despite their discomfort) than women in low heeled shoes.
He says yes.
He can't help it.
Men are born that way.
I am angry. We have 3 daughters.
AIBU?

Well, I'm a straight woman, but I think women look better in heels.

I sadly am one of those women who didn't come with the high heel gene, and I walk like a man in heels. Stomp, stomp, wobble, wobble.

There are some women who glide gracefully in well-fitted heels - actually, plenty of men too - and I wish I had their skill. They actually used to run courses on how to walk in heels and I remember being sorely tempted to shell out money to learn the secrets.

I look better in heels, but only if I'm standing for less than 2 minutes. I look terrible if I wear them for longer, as my feet hurt and I fidget awkwardly because of the pain. I look terrible if I'm walking in them, because I can't walk straight in them.

But other women do look good in heels.

Most men look better in a well-fitted three-piece suit and tie. Those aren't comfortable to wear either, but they sure look good in them.

Fashion wasn't invented for comfort in either sex.

You sound hard work. He has my sympathy.

I can think high heels look amazing even while my feet are killing me so I think it’s too big an ask to expect a man to be able to stop thinking they looks good because he knows they can be uncomfortable!
I was stopped in the street earlier this year by someone who loved my shoes. She was a woman of course.

I have never even owned a pair of true high heels. I find them impractical for my lifestyle, and fortunately l don't care enough about fashion to feel pressured to wear them. I still managed to find a man who likes me in comfortable shoes.

I'd be hurt and irritated if my husband told me he preferred women in heels, but then again, I wouldn't ask. If he did, I'd likely tell him he married the wrong woman, and I'll start wearing heels when he starts wearing a suit.

I find men in suits more attractive than men in Jeans, is that a problem op?

I don’t think people need to look sexy at work. I’m pretty sure men don’t get dressed in the morning wondering which tie is sexier. People should feel comfortable at work. Smart, yes; sexy, no!

If people want to dress up in high heels to go out or on a date, then that is their prerogative.

Men aren't born that way, a lot of men prefer different 'looks' on women. High heels is quite a basic preference.

Well he's entitled to find what look he finds attractive in woman isn't he. Unless what he finds attractive is the discomfort.

Though he isn't "born that way", just like everyone to an extent what he finds attractive is down to social conditioning.

You are really overreacting.

High heels are sexy. They thrust the butt out and elongate the legs. Men used to wear them too back in the 1700s

I’d focus on raising your dds to be confident young women in their own right who don’t feel a need for male validation.

When I look around I see a lot of women wearing sound footwear - flats, boots, trainers - some low heels and a minority in stilts. I think that’s great progress compared to my dm’s generation who could run for a bus in heels.

My dh finds heels attractive and I wear them on rare occasions. There are all sorts of things I find sexy on men that aren’t to his personal taste. I have no expectation that he would dress to please anyone but himself, and I expect the same courtesy from him.

@Ineedcoffee2021

*despite their discomfort*

To you
All my heels are comfy, ones that aren't I get rid of

They ruin your spine, give you bunions etc so the long term discomfort they cause is a factor.

It’s not his fault he finds it attractive. It is your fault if you think pleasing a man is a good reason to hobble yourself in shoes that make you uncomfortable and restrict your ability to walk.

They are quite ridiculous looking in the cold light of day. I look at the few pairs I still have from about 20 years ago and go, “What was I thinking? Was I really that desperate for male attention?”

This sounds like an involuntary response that bubbles up from a more primitive part of his brain into conscious awareness - so I don't think you can blame him. There is something in heel-wearing that exaggerates a pre-existing sexual signal in a similar way to corset-wearing.

I'd say cut him some slack.

@aibusux2u

I asked as a natural progression in the discussion and I am sensitive as my 3 daughters will be affected by attitudes like this. He is otherwise a good man but he can't see the contradiction in feeling women in heels are attractive and also knowing that they are on discomfort.

It's not an attitude it's sexual desire, which he doesn't decide.

If he were saying "women should wear heels because it attracts me" then that's an attitude.

But the thing that comes first here is the desire. Many men (and women) are turned on by women in heels. That's why many women think it's worth the effort to wear them (myself included). I feel sexy and I prefer how I look in them. On days comfort is more important to me, I wear flats.

But being angry with a guy for finding women in heels attractive is stupid. Also, women are not always uncomfortable in Heels! A woman can perfectly comfortably put on heels to be attractive without automatically suffering! It's when we wear them too long it gets sore. He isn't turned on by the discomfort!

You're not protecting your daughters by pretending to them what looks good doesn't. You protect them by dealing with reality and helping them know it's their choice.

Maybe actually what you are upset about is if you don't often wear heels, you feel he's just said you are less attractive to him.... ?

Don't ask questions you don't want the answer to. This is why people start being less honest in relationships.

I work in an exclusively female environment and I wear heels 90% of the time. I’m certainly not doing it so that men find me attractive, as I don’t see any men. I choose heels if I feel they look better/smarter with the outfit I have on.

It sounds like you are just looking to be offended

Amazing that you only find out now that men find high heels attractive!

I love wearing heels, he’s said nothing wrong that I can see 🤷‍♀️ If it was ‘You should wear heels to be attractive to me despite any discomfort’ then you’d have a point.

They like short skirts too, usually.
You could ask him about that too and be annoyed at his answer.

I used to wear heels at work snd was often complimented by women and men. Not offended.

Heels are designed to emphasise parts of the human body and change gait in ways that the typical man will find alluring.

So YABU to expect your DH to be immune to that effect.

But decent men don't suddenly pester every woman just because of what she's wearing, and more than I would when clocking a fit, well-dressed man.

The idea that you can quietly appreciate what you find attractive without being toxic about it, is perhaps one to encourage in society.

I find the history of it interesting - why did men abandon the wearing of heels after the Regency period? Men's dress changed enormously (death of Prince Albert taking out colour and flamboyant styles)

And that is rather weird amongst the fauna of the world, where it is usually the male with the bright and beautiful plumage and colourings and luxuriant fur, who is struggling to secure the female.

What is it about how human society developed that turned it round in the first place? And why is it becoming ever more reinforced?

They are known as fuck me shoes aren’t they?

Personally, bar the odd occasion, I haven’t worn them since I stopped working. My feet and knees are certainly thanking me.

I love high heels. As a feminist I wish I didn't but I like the way they make my legs look. I do wonder if I will go back to them though. After a year working from home in comfy slippers they feel like an anachronism.

They ruin your spine, give you bunions etc so the long term discomfort they cause is a factor
Putting your back out ruins the spine, which I've done,to the point I was bedridden
Heels for me correct that long term damage and I feel much less pain in heels actually
Bunions can happen in any shoes if they fit wrong

I don't get they are, don't like them, dont wear them.
I love shoes, different styles, heights. They are for me and what I like. Dp hates my heels as I end up taller than him

Honestly I think YABU. He said he found them attractive whilst also saying he realises they’re uncomfortable. I don’t see what he did wrong here, or what it has to do with him having daughters? Surely he’s as well placed as any dad to teach them “don’t wear stuff you don’t want to just for men.”

I really fancy my husband in a tailored suit, or dinner jacket, but he wears joggers and a tee shirt all the time whilst working from home. Entirely his perogative and he’s entitled to wear what’s comfy. It’s really no different.