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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask about women in high heels?

237 replies

aibusux2u · 05/04/2021 02:41

Watching a programme tonight. DH says, without any comment from me, how he feels sorry for the women feeling they have to wear high heels and how uncomfortable they look.
I then ask if he finds women in high heels more attractive (despite their discomfort) than women in low heeled shoes.
He says yes.
He can't help it.
Men are born that way.
I am angry. We have 3 daughters.
AIBU?

OP posts:
littlepattilou · 05/04/2021 16:45

I should probably have said, SOME of them are uncomfortable. And are mostly bad for your feet if they're 3" heel or higher.

littlepattilou · 05/04/2021 16:46

And quite bad for your posture/back etc...

Aaran · 05/04/2021 16:46

"Men are born that way."

No, they're not born finding high heels sexy.
We don't live in a vaccum, beauty standards and what is considered sexy or feminine/masculine changes constantly through time and across cultures.
High heels for example were originally created for soldiers to wear and were symbols of social stature, military power and fashionable taste for men. They were considered masculine for centuries. But now they're considered sexy and femenine.

thebillyotea · 05/04/2021 16:47

I think women look more attractive in heels (including myself.)

Doesn't alter the fact that they're uncomfortable, and bad for your feet.

for you maybe, but you do realise that not everyone finds them uncomfortable?

Plus everything is bad for you anyway, running, the gym, skiing, swimming...

Crazycrazylady · 05/04/2021 16:54

Honestly were you looking for something to be offended about.
Man acknowledges that high heels look uncomfortable but thinks they look sexy. Both of which I agree with by the way.

thebillyotea · 05/04/2021 16:56

If you never wear heels but pester your husband about how sexy he finds heels, it's never going to end well, is it.

ufucoffee · 05/04/2021 17:06

OP I find men wearing certain clothes attractive and sexy and totally get why your husband likes heels. He's allowed. Don't ask him a question then get angry because you don't like the answer.

hannayeah · 05/04/2021 17:42

@littlepattilou

And quite bad for your posture/back etc...
How do you know this? I’m not convinced about it based on personal experience. They actually require you to stand up straighter and taller than flat heeled shoes.
coogee · 05/04/2021 18:03

They actually require you to stand up straighter and taller than flat heeled shoes.

I agree but, apparently, some people stick their bums out when they walk in them. I've not noticed it myself.

lazylinguist · 05/04/2021 18:06

Confused I haven't worn high heels for about 25 years. I find them excruciatingly uncomfortable and think it's great that there is decreasing expectation for women to wear them. But I honestly don't see why on earth it makes you angry that your husband finds high heels attractive on women. Finding something attractive isn't the same as expecting people to wear it!

Jangle33 · 05/04/2021 18:08

I love wearing heels and I love the effect they have on men. I like feeling attractive and they make me feel that way.

PumpkinPie2016 · 05/04/2021 18:15

I don't think he's wrong to say he likes them - lots of people doEaster Hmm He wasn't saying women should always wear them or that anything else isn't attractive.

I like how heels look on other people. I like how they look on me when I am stood still. Unfortunately, when I attempt walking in them, I either look like I've had one to many or have all the grace of a baby elephant, so I don't bother Easter Grin

Troyhelena · 05/04/2021 18:24

You’re being massively unreasonable
There’s absolutely nothing wrong with saying that he finds heels sexy while also acknowledging they can be uncomfortable.
I have no idea why you think it’s relevant that you have 3 daughters?

Ineedcoffee2021 · 05/04/2021 18:34

also, wearing heels "for yourself" WTF? do you wear them at home when by yourself? we all wear them to look more attractive, attractive in the eyes of others according to societal rules, let's be honest about it!

Are you trying to insinuate that women don't or can't make their own choice?
We only ever dress for a male gaze?
Women can decide they like heels and not cos of some societal rules, to me they are fun, look good, are comfy, the same applies to my sneaker collection but I guess the sneakers ok cos they flat?
What's so hard to believe about women when we say we like them. I wear them cos I like them, like how I like purple hair which I have and did, no care in the world if any male liked, Inc dp.

Cherrysoup · 05/04/2021 18:38

Drives me nuts. I was watching a film with Gal Gadot as Wonderwoman (don’t get me started on the cleavage apparently essential for all female superheroes) and she was going into a cave and down rustic steps in high white stilettos. Utterly ridiculous.

NoLactose · 05/04/2021 18:41

"Men are born like it" what bollocks!!!
It's a bit like finding smoking "sexy" isn't it? It's just PR. We can change that viewpoint in our society if we really want to 🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️

LucilleTheVampireBat · 05/04/2021 18:41

I'm bisexual and I find women in heels attractive. I find myself sexier in heels. I know it's conditioning or societal pressure or whatever but I do 🤷‍♀️

toffeebutterpopcorn · 05/04/2021 18:46

I used to wear heels at work when I was young- I’m quite tall and enjoyed towering over people and stalking along the corrrodors. If you get the right pair you can be comfortable and run for the bus in them.

Last time I wore some was a couple of Christmases ago - god they were for gorgeous and I was quite drunk, so how I managed to navigate a marble floor and underground escalator without falling over I will never know.

Imnotbent · 05/04/2021 18:49

I like heels and coincidently was trying some on this weekend as I’ve been getting my spring clothes out. I’m going to have to practice, I’ve been wfh for a year and haven’t been out to wear heels. As soon as I put them on I felt good though.

NoLactose · 05/04/2021 18:52

I'm with you OP!

To those of you saying it's fine to see something as uncomfortable & bad for women as sexy & that you also find them sexy .... do you understand societal conditioning?

Have you heard of foot binding in China back in the day?
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Foot_binding

Literally breaking women's feet to make them look sexy. They also stank of fetid flesh. Oh that was fine though because people (especially men) found it "sexy"

IMO it's good to question WHY our society wants women to look a certain way & ask ourselves if we are ok with that & if it needs to change.

Female genital mutilation. Another example of a societal norm which is considered perfectly reasonable by some.... why on earth shouldn't we question these things ?!

NoLactose · 05/04/2021 18:55

Arthritis in the spine? Hey that's SEXY! 👍👏

https://www.hackensackmeridianhealth.org/HealthU/2019/11/08/are-high-heels-bad-for-your-health/

theyallfelldown · 05/04/2021 18:56

@NoLactose

I'm with you OP!

To those of you saying it's fine to see something as uncomfortable & bad for women as sexy & that you also find them sexy .... do you understand societal conditioning?

Have you heard of foot binding in China back in the day?
[[https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Foot_binding]]

Literally breaking women's feet to make them look sexy. They also stank of fetid flesh. Oh that was fine though because people (especially men) found it "sexy"

IMO it's good to question WHY our society wants women to look a certain way & ask ourselves if we are ok with that & if it needs to change.

Female genital mutilation. Another example of a societal norm which is considered perfectly reasonable by some.... why on earth shouldn't we question these things ?!

You can choose to wear heels or to not wear heels.

FGM and foot binding are done to you, without your consent. There's no undo option. They ruin your body.

Are you seriously comparing them to wearing heels?

crosstalk · 05/04/2021 18:57

Definitely each to their own providing it's a choice. However since my most recent job involved muddy fields I haven't worn heels for 10 years or more. And was brought up not wearing any shoes at all. So now when I put on my few remaining heels I find most of them uncomfortable. I console myself I don't have bunions and my back's okay but I'd like to stand tall at an upcoming wedding (I'm very small) and am wondering if I should practise. Downside is heels in marquees and lawns.

coogee · 05/04/2021 19:01

"Societal conditioning"

Other people enjoying things I don't.

Fembot123 · 05/04/2021 19:04

@NoLactose

I'm with you OP!

To those of you saying it's fine to see something as uncomfortable & bad for women as sexy & that you also find them sexy .... do you understand societal conditioning?

Have you heard of foot binding in China back in the day?
[[https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Foot_binding]]

Literally breaking women's feet to make them look sexy. They also stank of fetid flesh. Oh that was fine though because people (especially men) found it "sexy"

IMO it's good to question WHY our society wants women to look a certain way & ask ourselves if we are ok with that & if it needs to change.

Female genital mutilation. Another example of a societal norm which is considered perfectly reasonable by some.... why on earth shouldn't we question these things ?!

What a appalling comparison 😱
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