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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask about women in high heels?

237 replies

aibusux2u · 05/04/2021 02:41

Watching a programme tonight. DH says, without any comment from me, how he feels sorry for the women feeling they have to wear high heels and how uncomfortable they look.
I then ask if he finds women in high heels more attractive (despite their discomfort) than women in low heeled shoes.
He says yes.
He can't help it.
Men are born that way.
I am angry. We have 3 daughters.
AIBU?

OP posts:
DamsonTrousers · 05/04/2021 19:08

I find men smartly dressed in suits attractive. Should I stop?

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 05/04/2021 19:09

I hope you don't let your manipulative conversation style be developed by your daughters, OP, that was really off.

Don't be surprised if your husband notes your penchant for trapping and side-steps this in future. I'd give you a piece of my mind.

NoLactose · 05/04/2021 19:13

Ok was being obtuse & using extreme examples 😆
But it's arguably along the same spectrum.
It's not just men who supported any of these things.
You are shocked by them because they are not the cultural norm for you.
Point being ask yourself why you think something which is harmful to women is ok? Men are not asked to do these things are they?

NoLactose · 05/04/2021 19:14

@DamsonTrousers are suits detrimental to men's health?

thebillyotea · 05/04/2021 19:14

@NoLactose

I'm with you OP!

To those of you saying it's fine to see something as uncomfortable & bad for women as sexy & that you also find them sexy .... do you understand societal conditioning?

Have you heard of foot binding in China back in the day?
[[https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Foot_binding]]

Literally breaking women's feet to make them look sexy. They also stank of fetid flesh. Oh that was fine though because people (especially men) found it "sexy"

IMO it's good to question WHY our society wants women to look a certain way & ask ourselves if we are ok with that & if it needs to change.

Female genital mutilation. Another example of a societal norm which is considered perfectly reasonable by some.... why on earth shouldn't we question these things ?!

I love it when a poster get so offended they have to become ridiculously over-the-top. We are just one post away from being told to fuck off Grin

MN at its best!

The only thing NoLactose is that you are extremely offensive towards the victims of female mutilation. Show a bit of respect will you.

Fembot123 · 05/04/2021 19:16

@NoLactose

Ok was being obtuse & using extreme examples 😆 But it's arguably along the same spectrum. It's not just men who supported any of these things. You are shocked by them because they are not the cultural norm for you. Point being ask yourself why you think something which is harmful to women is ok? Men are not asked to do these things are they?
Noooooo, choosing to wear heels and having your clitoris chopped off are not even in the same stratosphere let alone spectrum. I like to feel tall so I wear them, what I want when I want.
NoLactose · 05/04/2021 19:17

Hmmm illusions of "choice" it could be argued.

Fembot123 · 05/04/2021 19:21

@NoLactose

Hmmm illusions of "choice" it could be argued.
🤦🏼‍♀️😂 Only by you.
thebillyotea · 05/04/2021 19:21

@NoLactose

Hmmm illusions of "choice" it could be argued.
it's funny you have a lot to say about my choice to wear high heels, but nothing against my choice to wear DcMartens....
ginghamstarfish · 05/04/2021 19:21

Does anyone remember the film Beowulf, with Angelina Jolie playing the mother of Grendel (the monster)? She was naked, gold all over, and she had HIGH HEELED FEET! No shoes though. I thought at the time - if a gorgeous naked woman covered in gold is still thought to need heels to be sexy, then I fucking give up.

FindingMeno · 05/04/2021 19:23

I find it surprising that men find women wearing high heels sexy since so many women can't walk in them properly.
I look like I've shit myself when I try.
Thats not to say some women can walk in them though, obviously.
Does it matter to men how women look walking in them I wonder? Are only the ones gliding along sexy, and not the hobbling ones?

folloyourarro · 05/04/2021 19:24

I hate heels and very rarely wear them but I agree they do look attractive! The fact he acknowledges they look uncomfortable and feels sorry for them shows empathy, he didn't say he expected anyone to wear them.

Fembot123 · 05/04/2021 19:25

I can walk in them, have been wearing them for years. I can even break into a slow run in them 😂

Fembot123 · 05/04/2021 19:26

The only thing I struggle with is wedges, give me a stiletto heel anyday but those things just make me topple over.

NoLactose · 05/04/2021 19:28

@thebillyotea it's more of a general point I'm making than about you personally.

And DMs don't give you arthritis of the spine as far as I'm aware.

theyallfelldown · 05/04/2021 19:28

@NoLactose

Ok was being obtuse & using extreme examples 😆 But it's arguably along the same spectrum. It's not just men who supported any of these things. You are shocked by them because they are not the cultural norm for you. Point being ask yourself why you think something which is harmful to women is ok? Men are not asked to do these things are they?
No, no, it's really not.

I've never forgotten reading Waris Dirie's account of being mutilated as a young girl. It sounded absolutely terrifying, excruciatingly painful and humiliating. She didn't consent. She couldn't consent.

It's so disrespectful to women who have had parts of them chopped off to compare them to women who sometimes put on high heels because they like them. If your feet hurt, you can take off the shoes. If your body hurts because bits have been hacked off with a dirty razor, you're bleeding, you're infected and it hurts to urinate, you can't really do anything to get immediate relief.

It's really not okay to make the comparison and laugh it off.

Fembot123 · 05/04/2021 19:32

[quote NoLactose]@thebillyotea it's more of a general point I'm making than about you personally.

And DMs don't give you arthritis of the spine as far as I'm aware. [/quote]
It was an offensive comparison and pretty dumb to boot (high heeled boot)

Odile13 · 05/04/2021 19:34

I think you’re being a bit unfair. You asked him whether he finds women in high heels attractive and he said yes. I don’t think he should have to lie. It doesn’t mean he wants women to wear high heels 24/7 - he was just answering a question honestly. And I say that as someone who never wears high heels!

Being asked what you find attractive is also very different to a loving relationship with a real person. If my DH asked me if I find men in suits or military uniforms etc attractive and then got offended at my answer I would think he was being silly.

imalmostthere · 05/04/2021 19:36

YABU - he's allowed to think it's attractive, and your connection to it "effecting" your daughters is extreme and way OTT.

Poppercot · 05/04/2021 19:36

Not every woman in heels is uncomfortable! I can dance all night in mine and run after a taxi in them. I really don’t think they’re that bad for my health wearing them once in a blue moon when I get a night out these days. Also because I so rarely get a night out due to lack of childcare I’m certainly not going out in flats when I do get a chance!

BeagleEagle · 05/04/2021 19:39

@aibusux2u

Watching a programme tonight. DH says, without any comment from me, how he feels sorry for the women feeling they have to wear high heels and how uncomfortable they look. I then ask if he finds women in high heels more attractive (despite their discomfort) than women in low heeled shoes. He says yes. He can't help it. Men are born that way. I am angry. We have 3 daughters. AIBU?
You trapped him, you can't do that. YABU, give your head a wobble and don't ask an innocent-seeming question if you'll get annoyed at the answer
Excited101 · 05/04/2021 19:41

But heels are sexy! I’m very straight, and don’t fancy women in them but I feel sexy when I wear them, and they look sexy too! Doesn’t make them any more comfortable! Lol, your post is ridiculous.

toconclude · 05/04/2021 19:57

@BritWifeinUSA

Men finding women attractive is what has kept the species going all these years. Do don’t be angry at him for finding certain things a turn on, even if you don’t like them.
Yes, countries where women don't wear heels have notorious problems keeping their population going... Hmm

If a man can't find me attractive wearing what I like and am comfortable in, he can push off.

toconclude · 05/04/2021 19:58

@Excited101

But heels *are* sexy! I’m very straight, and don’t fancy women in them but I feel sexy when I wear them, and they look sexy too! Doesn’t make them any more comfortable! Lol, your post is ridiculous.
Not nearly as ridiculous as yours. You like them do they are objectively good. Suure.
TigerDroveAgain · 05/04/2021 20:06

It’s fascinating to me how defensive people get over this subject

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