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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be mad I’m being paid back really slowly?

246 replies

crazykoo124 · 04/04/2021 23:39

One of my close friends borrowed £1000 from me last year promising to return it. She’s been my friend since early childhood so I had no problem in doing so.

She’s now paying me back £50/month for 20 months? I said that this is annoying as I’d like the lump sum back but she just laughed and said that she’s already worked out the finances for it.

I know I should’ve been bolder and said actually no but I genuinely didn’t have the guts to do so. I’ve told my husband and he’s raging and I’m quite angry too now. He does have a littleeee bit of a short fuse so I’m just wondering.... are we being unreasonable? And would you be ok to be paid back this slowly when you gave her the lump sum within 24 hours.

OP posts:
raincamepouringdown · 05/04/2021 11:12

It sounds like you're not great with money either, OP, if being paid back £50 a month would mean you'd struggle to save up for something.

Have her set up a direct debit that's automatic until it's paid off. otherwise you really may not see it again between the two of you

Ellie56 · 05/04/2021 11:15

From what I've read previously about friends borrowing money, they don't usually end well.

I would grab the £50 per month she is offering with both hands. Far better than no payment at all, which is the likely alternative.

Meowchickameowmeow · 05/04/2021 11:32

[quote crazykoo124]@caringcarer we didn’t agree anything. As she’s so close to me I didn’t ask any questions I just said yes and sent the funds over. I’m just upset that she doesn’t respect my wishes even though she knows I’m not the type of person to argue over it[/quote]
Not agreeing to anything was your first mistake.

Osirus · 05/04/2021 11:35

@caringcarer

Depends what you agreed before giving it to her. You should have agreed repayment plan then. At least she is paying you back.
This.

This is the reason I voted YABU. You agree terms before handing it over.

It’s a slow repayment but you do have to take some responsibility because you didn’t set out terms beforehand.

Original poster
crazykoo124 · 05/04/2021 11:38

I think some of you are right - I should be glad she intends to pay me back and I’m sure she will eventually.
I will be opening another savings account and hopefully will save it up myself. Bit worried that some of you would restrict your friends spending on holiday/car/going out!! Sounds so controlling as a loan doesn’t mean that you have to resume normal living. But yes I will be more careful next time and will definitely agree repayment prior to lending

OP posts:
Original poster
crazykoo124 · 05/04/2021 11:39

Stop normal living * I meant

OP posts:
CheeseCakeSunflowers · 05/04/2021 11:47

You should have agreed on how it was to be repaid before you lent it but all you need to do now is set up a standing order from the account she's paying into to the account the money was in to start with.

HappyGoPlucky · 05/04/2021 11:50

At least she's paying you back! DH lent £1000 to a friend before we met and his friend never paid it back! It was years ago too so was a huge sum of money then.
Who doesn't pay back that much?! DH has just written it off.
They were childhood friends too so, although my DH is laidback and has never asked for it back, things have never been the same between them and they don't really see each other now. I think his friend is embarrassed and too much time has passed so if he paid it back now it wouldn't be worth as much.
So never lend money to friends!

HappyGoPlucky · 05/04/2021 11:57

Just to add - make her set up a standing order, for whatever amount, and just keep it going. No payment holidays at Christmas or anything like that. Set an amount she can afford, stick to it and tell her it's non-negotiable.
In my experience, you run the risk of getting nothing back if you're not careful.
Many's the friendship or family relationship that's been poisoned by people not repaying informal loans. My parents have spent over 20 years getting a large loan back from my sister and it's really rankled over the years. My DH, as I mentioned, never got a loan back from his mate.
Unfortunately, close friends and relations can often take the piss over money in ways a stranger never would.

jessstan2 · 05/04/2021 11:58

@crazykoo124

I think some of you are right - I should be glad she intends to pay me back and I’m sure she will eventually. I will be opening another savings account and hopefully will save it up myself. Bit worried that some of you would restrict your friends spending on holiday/car/going out!! Sounds so controlling as a loan doesn’t mean that you have to resume normal living. But yes I will be more careful next time and will definitely agree repayment prior to lending
Sensible. I'm glad you have sorted it out in your mind.

The point here is, paying back £1000 over twenty months is not a long time, it is very reasonable.

SunPr00f · 05/04/2021 12:01

You didn't agree how much per month

You didn't agree any interest

I hope that she buys you a small gift at the end to thank you

thatonehasalittlecar · 05/04/2021 12:05

It makes no sense to be annoyed at your friend for wanting to give you your money back as soon as she can, even if it’s in small increments.

It makes even less sense when you know you can easily forget the £50 and will spend it on frippery.

You can do whatever you want with the repayments, why expect her to protect you from yourself? Especially if she is in this position because of overspending herself (rather than an emergency).

TrialOfStyle · 05/04/2021 12:06

It’s incredibly controlling to suggest that someone isn’t allowed any luxuries when they’ve agreed and ARE paying you back. I stand by that. OP’s mistake was not making a payment plan, which she’s agreed to. If she’s happy to accept that she can’t go round dictating what people do with any other spare money (I know you won’t, OP). I’m just shocked anyone else thinks it’s okay. Could you imagine if banks applied this same thought and demanded full payment when they found out whilst you are paying the agreed terms you’ve bought a luxury item?

JemimaJoy · 05/04/2021 12:22

You're being insane to think that someone who was financially stuck enough that she needed to borrow money from a friend will be able to repay a full grand in 24 hours. The period is long and that's annoying but what can you do? You didn't discuss beforehand

FunnyWonder · 05/04/2021 12:53

I don't think anyone is suggesting that a person who has borrowed money should stop enjoying life, but it stings if they are living it up while NOT making repayments. If they are paying back the money regularly, or a set deadline hasn't already passed, then no problem.

mytwocats · 05/04/2021 14:15

@Brefugee

out of sheer curiosity - does anyone here use paperwork/agreements when lending friends money??

i wouldn't lend more than about a hundred quid - but if i did, to be sure there would be a written and signed agreement about when it was to be repaid before it was handed over.

TBH i wouldn't lend more than a few quid to a friend, it is a sure-fire way to break a relationship

Have always made a contract 2 copies both signed ,1 given to the borrower,the other sealed in envelope and sent to my own address,when it gets delivered back to me it's put away,should the borrower default,the unopened letter is removed from safe place,still unopened,and taken to court,where the judge & only him opens it,absolute proof that the other person has a document,because it's signed by borrower. At the bottom of the document I've always inserted the following clause If you do not agree with the terms as set out above DO NOT SIGN , it's worked every time
RaiseTheBeastie · 05/04/2021 14:21

Yabu.

You shouldn't have lent it without discussing when repayment/s would be made. And you were naiive to think someone needing to borrow £1k would be able to pay it back quickly!

Nancylovesthecock · 05/04/2021 14:25

[quote crazykoo124]@jessstan2 out of sheer curiosity - does anyone here use paperwork/agreements when lending friends money??[/quote]
I don't lend friends money and I don't ask for it either. Saves all this hassle.

RaiseTheBeastie · 05/04/2021 14:26

I am chuckling at the posters talking about drawing up agreements and court and the 'judge' opening up a letter 🙈 What do you sound like.

Anyone with the slightest knowledge of the claims process in such disputes knows you're talking baloney and must have a vivid imagination, just stop whilst you're ahead 😂

mytwocats · 05/04/2021 14:34

@RaiseTheBeastie

I am chuckling at the posters talking about drawing up agreements and court and the 'judge' opening up a letter 🙈 What do you sound like.

Anyone with the slightest knowledge of the claims process in such disputes knows you're talking baloney and must have a vivid imagination, just stop whilst you're ahead 😂

Sorry,but it was cleared by a solicitor who was very impressed as it would work
Kinneddar · 05/04/2021 14:49

I think you're being unrealistic expediting it back in a lump sum. Presumably if she had to borrow it from you she has some kind of financial problem so I don't know how you would expect her to get the money to pay it back in a oner.

Where you've gone wrong is not discussing repayment before you gave her it. She's set aside £50 a month for repayments which at least means you're getting it back in regular payments.

As pp said, get her to pay it to a specific account & let it mount up

Clarich007 · 05/04/2021 14:53

Has she actually paid any money back to you yet ?

BlackCatShadow · 05/04/2021 15:02

@Clarich007

Has she actually paid any money back to you yet ?
I'm going to guess no!
shiningstar2 · 05/04/2021 15:12

I know where you are coming from crazycoo, the £50 in your bank account will just drift away with all your other outgoings whereas £1000 at once means you have what you had in the first place.

However, in your position I would just take the £50 a month providing she pays by direct debit as you don't want to have to chase it up every month. There are so many threads on here where people never get the money back at all, so rather than risking that I would take the £50. I would then make sure I put that straight into a savings account each month. A pain I know, but at least that way you will definitely end up with your original £1000 again. If she can't/won't pay back more than £50 a month when that was not originally agreed, she doesn't sound very good with money and definitely careless of other people's money so I would certainly not be lending her any money again.

Sorka · 05/04/2021 15:17

YANBU wanting your money back now. You’re a friend not a bank. I wouldn’t be able to look at my friend the same way after this.

You should take the £50 a month from your ‘friend’. I doubt she’ll pay you back in full so it’s a case of recovering what you can.

Never lend to her again. As soon as I got my money back in full or she’d (surprisingly) actually paid back the loan I’d be done with her.

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