To be mad I’m being paid back really slowly?

[crazykoo124]

One of my close friends borrowed £1000 from me last year promising to return it. She’s been my friend since early childhood so I had no problem in doing so.

She’s now paying me back £50/month for 20 months? I said that this is annoying as I’d like the lump sum back but she just laughed and said that she’s already worked out the finances for it.

I know I should’ve been bolder and said actually no but I genuinely didn’t have the guts to do so. I’ve told my husband and he’s raging and I’m quite angry too now. He does have a littleeee bit of a short fuse so I’m just wondering.... are we being unreasonable? And would you be ok to be paid back this slowly when you gave her the lump sum within 24 hours.

@TrialOfStyle

It’s incredibly controlling to suggest that someone isn’t allowed any luxuries when they’ve agreed and ARE paying you back. I stand by that. OP’s mistake was not making a payment plan, which she’s agreed to. If she’s happy to accept that she can’t go round dictating what people do with any other spare money (I know you won’t, OP). I’m just shocked anyone else thinks it’s okay. Could you imagine if banks applied this same thought and demanded full payment when they found out whilst you are paying the agreed terms you’ve bought a luxury item?

I haven't seen any posts suggesting this, I could have missed them. I would never dictate what a person who borrowed from me did with any spare money. I think it does show where their priorities lie if they have told a friend they can afford £x and they can clearly afford to pay the money back much quicker but choose not to. I could never treat a friend like a bank! I have been in this position with a family member who treated me like that and I never sought to 'control' them at all, I just remembered and chose not to lend to that person again.

Sorry,but it was cleared by a solicitor who was very impressed as it would work

Mmhmm. The same solicitor who presumably gives you the name and address of 'the judge' that you send it directly to? Come on now.

@RaiseTheBeastie

Sorry,but it was cleared by a solicitor who was very impressed as it would work

Mmhmm. The same solicitor who presumably gives you the name and address of 'the judge' that you send it directly to? Come on now.

3people I went to school with are now solicitors,they come in handy sometimes. You don't send the judge anything, the letter is opened in a court.

@TrialOfStyle

It’s incredibly controlling to suggest that someone isn’t allowed any luxuries when they’ve agreed and ARE paying you back. I stand by that. OP’s mistake was not making a payment plan, which she’s agreed to. If she’s happy to accept that she can’t go round dictating what people do with any other spare money (I know you won’t, OP). I’m just shocked anyone else thinks it’s okay. Could you imagine if banks applied this same thought and demanded full payment when they found out whilst you are paying the agreed terms you’ve bought a luxury item?

I'm shocked that a so called "friend" would be asking me to hand over my cash when she already has money for luxuries!

Actually- banks DO ask you what you need the money for when applying for a loan or an increase in mortgage and they also ask you to write down your budget and what your monthly outgoings are so they definitely look at this. If you were spending £500 a month on having your hair done for example then I doubt they'd lend it to you!

Have always made a contract 2 copies both signed ,1 given to the borrower,the other sealed in envelope and sent to my own address,when it gets delivered back to me it's put away,should the borrower default,the unopened letter is removed from safe place,still unopened,and taken to court,where the judge & only him opens it,absolute proof that the other person has a document,because it's signed by borrower. At the bottom of the document I've always inserted the following clause If you do not agree with the terms as set out above DO NOT SIGN , it's worked every time

What on earth is the point in all the faff around posting it to yourself and not opening the envelope? You'd be stuffed if the letter went astray. And most courts require you to reveal evidence of the agreement before you even start the claim under the pre-action protocol, they won't let you produce an unopened envelope the contents of which no-one has ever seen before.

Sorry,but it was cleared by a solicitor who was very impressed as it would work

That really cannot be a solicitor who actually deals with litigation.

From the Debt Recovery Pre-Action Protocol:

The creditor should send a Letter of Claim to the debtor before proceedings are started. The Letter of Claim should –

(a) contain the following information –
...
(iv) where the debt arises from a written agreement, the date of the agreement, the parties to it and the fact that a copy of the written agreement can be requested from the creditor.

How would you comply with that requirement if you aren't going to open the envelope containing your only copy of the agreement before hearing date?

@RaiseTheBeastie

Sorry,but it was cleared by a solicitor who was very impressed as it would work

Mmhmm. The same solicitor who presumably gives you the name and address of 'the judge' that you send it directly to? Come on now.

It's called the Small Claims Court and is an established procedure that allows members of the public to recover monies owed simply and cheaply. Look it up if you don't believe me.

On the matter of agreements, yes to get it in writing where there is an expectation of repayment, so there can be no 'confusion' of the 'I thought I could just pay you back when I was able' or 'I thought it was a gift' variety. Written evidence, even texts, Whatsapp or emails are accepted by courts as proof that the money was a loan and how quickly it should be paid back.

And yes, I do think the borrower should rein their lifestyle in while they owe their friend money. The OP has expressed annoyance about the friend paying back over nearly two years. Her mistake was not agreeing a payment plan before she lent the money. If the friend has money for car upgrades, holidays, going out etc, then she could at least speed up repayment to something mutually agreeable, eg £100 a month for 10 months.

It's called the Small Claims Court and is an established procedure that allows members of the public to recover monies owed simply and cheaply. Look it up if you don't believe me

But there is simply no need to go through all that bizarre procedure that @mytwocats proposes with posting a copy to yourself in an envelope which you never open. In fact it makes much more sense to keep a copy of the signed agreement on file and send a copy when you send the final pre-action letter - that way you actually increase your chances of getting paid without having to go to court, which is the whole point of the pre-action protocol.

[quote crazykoo124]@jessstan2 out of sheer curiosity - does anyone here use paperwork/agreements when lending friends money??[/quote]
The only time I lent a substantial sum was to my sister and yes we wrote things down.

@Nith

Have always made a contract 2 copies both signed ,1 given to the borrower,the other sealed in envelope and sent to my own address,when it gets delivered back to me it's put away,should the borrower default,the unopened letter is removed from safe place,still unopened,and taken to court,where the judge & only him opens it,absolute proof that the other person has a document,because it's signed by borrower. At the bottom of the document I've always inserted the following clause If you do not agree with the terms as set out above DO NOT SIGN , it's worked every time

What on earth is the point in all the faff around posting it to yourself and not opening the envelope? You'd be stuffed if the letter went astray. And most courts require you to reveal evidence of the agreement before you even start the claim under the pre-action protocol, they won't let you produce an unopened envelope the contents of which no-one has ever seen before.

It does all sound very dramatic and unnecessary

@crazykoo124

Just to add - I told her that she can save the £50 a month for 20 months and in 20 months she can transfer the £1000 to me directly. As I know that I won’t ever see the £50 it’ll just be spent - receiving £1000 means I will put it away or spend it on something bigger like a getaway

I think you're being a bit silly on this. If you can't manage your money well enough to set up a DD Black to your savings account that isn't her fault.

Can she afford to give it back now in a lump? Can you ask her to pay more because you need it etc?

But saying you save it together then pay me in two years cos I can't save is ridiculous

Genuine question OP, where did you think she was going to get the grand to pay you back quickly in a lump sum, given that she had to borrow a grand from you in the first place?
I'd have said it was self evident that someone who needs to borrow a grand from a friend is someone who doesn't have cash on hand and is not likely to have it anytime soon, unless there is a particular short term pinch i.e. their annual tax is due and a big payment from a client has been unavoidably delayed.

I think that anytime you hand a sum of cash over to a friend or relative, you should kiss that money goodbye in your head and assume that odds are you will never see a penny of it again. You can still ask for repayment, and hopefully you'll get it (and for sums in the multiple hundreds I would certainly draw up a written agreement) but if you operate from the assumption that the money is completely gone, anything you get back is a bonus.

@ScarfaceCwaw I didn’t expect the £1000 straight away, I know that the fact she had to borrow it means that it’s not easy for her to have that amount at any point.
What I’m annoyed about is that she refused to save up the £50 a month in her own savings account rather than making me open a new account just for this. I was happy to take the amount in 20 months time. I know it’s my own stupidity.... but I didn’t expect her to be so inflexible when it came to me

Your plan to ask her to save the money and give it to you in 20 months time is very likely to bite you in the ass in the form of her having more 'unexpected' expenses within that timeframe that will prevent her from paying you back.

You'd be mad to insist she does this because you can't be arsed taking 5 minutes to set up a savings account and standing order with your own bank, even if you don't bother to find one that pays a bit of interest.

Just see it as a lesson learned. Many people would say don’t lend money if you have any concerns about how or when you might get it back or if you never get it back.
My suggestion would be to set up a different account for the repayments to go directly into and save it up that way.
Just be glad you will hopefully be getting the money back eventually as you didn’t agree anything in writing or even verbally at the time.

Just make sure she does pay you back!

Could there be a reason that she’s unable to save it herself? Is she on benefits or something where having money in a savings account (unsure how much you need to have) reduces the amount of benefit she gets paid? Or could it be that if the money is sat there, she will spend it? I know I really struggle not to use my savings before it’s time for it, there’s no way I could have a couple hundred quid in a savings account and not dip into it if I was running short on finances (though I don’t borrow money so the only person this affects is me, I suppose if I had money there I knew wasn’t mine I wouldn’t spend it without asking first)

It’s most likely that if you borrow money from someone you pay it back over time, hopefully as quickly as possible. You don’t save it up and then pay it all back in one go 20 months after you borrowed it. The OP’s approach is the odd one!

What I’m annoyed about is that she refused to save up the £50 a month in her own savings account rather than making me open a new account just for this

But she didn't "make" you open a new account - that's your choice. It'll be beneficial to you to open a savings account anyway, you could start saving other money into it.

@NoSquirrels

So - just to be clear - you’re mad that your friend wants to pay you back on a regular repayment schedule a lump sum she borrowed?

And you’d rather have no repayment at all for 20 months? Because you might spend it, otherwise?

You’d rather she saved up than you save up?

Perfectly logical, YADNBU

This.

Somehow you’ve turned into the unreasonable one. It’s not her fault you have no self control.
She’s paying you back.

Note to self
'Neither a borrower or lender be'
Great way to fall out with friends/family is to lend or borrow money

@mrsbyers

Take the £50’anf save it yourself , I wouldn’t trust her to build up the pot and you could find yourself back to square one in 20 months or the friendship could end in the mean time

Do this exactly. That way you can keep on top of it and also keep her updated on how much has been returned to date. Should stop her asking for more too knowing full well she hasn’t repaid the last loan.

Can you not find out why she’s budgeted it at £50? Can she not afford more so that it’s paid back faster. You could tell her you prefer it back sooner and state your amount and timeline but sound understanding if she really has legitimate reasons. You kind of have to be understanding now if you want to see it again.

Can’t believe anyone can stoop so low really, let alone a friend. Never lend again without a proper agreement in writing.

This happened to me. Getting it back in small amounts slowly meant it just got frittered away rather than having the lump sum still. If I'd got it back all in one go it would have gone straight back into the savings.

I'd do it again though, because it was the difference between a friend having a roof over her family's head and not.

You should be glad she's paying you back at all.

Mixing money and friendships is never a good idea.

You lent it with no strings and now you are moaning.

Accept the £50 a month and feel lucky your getting something as legally she doesn’t owe you anything. You had no agreement drawn up that she signed, so no proof it was a loan. Live and learn and accept what is offered as otherwise you will end up with zero.