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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not to let anyone see our newborn

166 replies

Grumpylate20s · 04/04/2021 19:00

I am wondering whether or not it would be selfish to not let anyone see or have a cuddle with our newborn, my wife is adamant that no one is to see him for at least a couple of months... It's my grans bday soon so I would love for her to see him but she is saying no way.. covid sucks and the immediate family has pretty much been vaccinated but my wife won't be able to get it as she's breastfeeding, so she's worried for her and the baby which I totally understand but to not allow anyone seeing him kinda seems unfair, I dunno what do you think?

OP posts:
Spied · 04/04/2021 19:07

Two months does seem like a long time.
Is she in contact with her family -or it it your family she's trying to keep at arm's length?
I'd worry her anxiety is getting out of hand.
Is she happy to see the midwife?(who will be visiting lots of different families and homes).

CareBear50 · 04/04/2021 19:08

Cases of covid are down massively and back to SEP2020 rates. I think she's being a bit over protective, but there is still a risk......I'd be asking my health visitor or GP for advice

Hyppogriff · 04/04/2021 19:09

Yeh I think it’s a bit much. Also she can have the vaccine breastfeeding. I have for example.

EileenGC · 04/04/2021 19:10

Is your wife clinically vulnerable? Or has she any conditions that would put her more at risk? If not, I’d say she’s on the overprotective side as chances are neither her or the baby will catch it, and neither would become unwell from Covid should they catch it.

On the other side, this has been a hard year and especially with her having been pregnant during Covid, she might feel more anxious than usual. Does she want to wait a couple of months so the baby has the 8 week jabs? Or is this an indefinite amount of time when no one will be able to see the baby?

WetWeekends · 04/04/2021 19:11

To see the baby in a social distanced meet outdoors is very different to letting people cuddle them. I wouldn’t be letting people cuddle a newborn at the moment personally.

ChocOrange1 · 04/04/2021 19:11

Covid risk is tiny for babies. Would your wife have prevented relatives from cuddling him due to risk of flu/chicken pox/norovirus/herpes/colds/whatever else? All of those are probably more dangerous to babies.

I think she could have an argument for not letting people cuddle the baby, as we are supposed to stick to social distancing. However it is very unfair not to allow people to see the baby. What harm is it going to do, sitting in the garden with the baby on your lap 2 metres away? Or going for a walk with baby in the pram. I think that is very very unreasonable.

As someone who had a baby on day 1 of the first lockdown, I would have loved for my family to see my newborn but it wasn't an option for us.

Cherrysoup · 04/04/2021 19:11

Way OTT. Of course she should have the vaccine. My pregnant cousin asked her gp and he organised it for her immediately. Two months is a bit over-protective, it’s your baby too.

LifesNotEnidBlyton · 04/04/2021 19:12

I agree with you. .... and I think that if this was a mum posting that her DH had "said no way" you have more votes for YANBU.

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 04/04/2021 19:12

Seeing people SD outdoor would be fine, I’d not be letting people cuddle the baby though as can’t do that and SD and babies can catch it.

Tinydinosaur · 04/04/2021 19:13

Just see how it goes. At the moment I wouldn't, ours is due in a few weeks, we don't expect to have visitors right away and will probably have those visitors wear masks. But you don't know what it'll be like in a couple of weeks. Don't press the point though, she's concerned about her health and her baby's, there's really no argument you can give that doesn't sound like "I care more about my family being happy than your health."

OverTheRainbow88 · 04/04/2021 19:13

Is your wife displaying any other signs of anxiety? Could she have post natal anxiety or depression?

It seems quite extreme not allowing any outdoor visits/

skeggycaggy · 04/04/2021 19:13

She can have the vaccine while breastfeeding.

Christmasfairy2020 · 04/04/2021 19:13

Wait til she is lonely, tired and fed up. She will beg you to take the baby out for a few hours whilst she sleeps. Take whatever she says now with a pinch of salt

AdriannaP · 04/04/2021 19:13

Breastfeeding mothers can have the vaccine. I had mine currently being 4m pregnant. Two months seems OTT especially if your relatives are vaccinated.

PurpleH · 04/04/2021 19:14

It’s getting warmer - why not see them outside? I understand her not wanting to let people cuddle the baby - you have this unbelievable protective instinct over your baby and Covid has exacerbated that hugely for many women. But maybe worth meeting family under the rule of six so they can see your little one but not hold? The risks outside in the warm are low and you can wrap baby up if it’s not super weather

Hankunamatata · 04/04/2021 19:15

Breastfeeding women can have the vaccine. I think your wife is being very OTT

JumperooSue · 04/04/2021 19:15

I had the vaccine whilst breastfeeding, it’s completely safe and there research to suggest babies actually receive some acquired immunity through the breastmilk. It’s up to you both really but that’s going to be a lonely couple of months without any visitors, I couldn’t imagine shutting immediate family out of such a precious time you’ll never get again, even if it’s just letting them take the baby for a walk in the pram with you or sitting in the garden.

Heyha · 04/04/2021 19:15

What does she think is going to be different in two months' time? Presumably she will still be breastfeeding if poss so she won't be vaccinated even though she can be.

I agree I probably wouldn't be having prolonged cuddles with a newborn at the moment but an outdoors meetup for them to have a look, if you can pick a day with decent weather (I'm all for outdoors but even I'm cautious with a very small baby) doesn't seem unreasonable at all.

Screwcorona · 04/04/2021 19:16

Is baby premature? If they're prem I probably would do the same. I did keep ours at home 2weeks just with me n hubby (full term, prior to covid times)
Then welcomed family one by one.

No kissing and hands washed.

Newborns are of course precious, but even though I'm obviously very protective i think your wife is being OTT

Tinydinosaur · 04/04/2021 19:16

Meeting socially distanced is a good idea but will your family respect that and stay 2 meters away or will they pressure for cuddles and will you back her up and make people maintain 2 meters?

CloudFormations · 04/04/2021 19:16

She can get the vaccination while breastfeeding, it’s safe.

Two months is a very long time to not even let anyone see him. How does she seem in herself - is she doing ok? Extreme paranoia and health anxiety can be symptoms of PND.

Ohpulltheotherone · 04/04/2021 19:17

I guess it depends on how close you are to your family.

If a parent or grandparent were to pass away in that time would you resent her? I know that sounds extreme but this is the reality. I lost a parent when I was heavily pregnant and I’d have given anything for them to have met my baby just once.

The risk is extremely low for both your wife and child, even lower if you meet outside.

If her anxiety is driving this rather than rational thinking then I’d leave it for now because there’s no point upsetting a pregnant woman but I’d definitely be saying “ok let’s just see what the guidance is at the time”

If the baby is yours then you have 50% consideration don’t you. Your wife shouldn’t just lay the law down with no discussion.

picklemewalnuts · 04/04/2021 19:17

It's hard. I'm sure she's over anxious, however she is anxious and that doesn't stop for being told it's irrational.

Also, will it do your baby any harm at all to wait a month to see relatives? Is your baby a perk for other people's enjoyment, or the most precious thing in your life?

It's early days for the baby's mum, her hormones will be all over the place. She's protective and anxious. Her life has been hugely impacted- lockdown, her body changes, birth, a baby, and also as a feeding machine. Her Liberty is hugely impacted, and she may not feel as sympathetic to your family members as if she hadn't also been restricted.

rainbowfairydust · 04/04/2021 19:21

I would support her decision, and then hope once baby is here, she will feel less anxious and let people see you all outside, up to her if she doesn't feel comfortable with people holding the baby. We had our baby in October and it's only now we've let people hold her now that they've been vaccinated and she is bigger. And they all hold her hands, breztge over her, kiss her.. So it is a risk... But I tell myself that this is as good as it will get... Lower cases and vaccinations so we have to relax a bit, but don't pressure her as it will drive her anxiety higher, let her come round to the decision herself

HandforthParishCouncilClerk · 04/04/2021 19:25

The vaccine is perfectly safe for breastfeeding mothers, and the risk to newborns from COVID is negligible. Is your wife generally an anxious person?

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