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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not to let anyone see our newborn

166 replies

Grumpylate20s · 04/04/2021 19:00

I am wondering whether or not it would be selfish to not let anyone see or have a cuddle with our newborn, my wife is adamant that no one is to see him for at least a couple of months... It's my grans bday soon so I would love for her to see him but she is saying no way.. covid sucks and the immediate family has pretty much been vaccinated but my wife won't be able to get it as she's breastfeeding, so she's worried for her and the baby which I totally understand but to not allow anyone seeing him kinda seems unfair, I dunno what do you think?

OP posts:
Alwaysandforeverhere · 04/04/2021 20:31

I agree that people suddenly think they are safe once vaccinated. I had that very conversation today. Doesn’t mean you won’t catch it or pass it on just that you won’t die if you get basically or extremely unlikely to die if you catch it once fully vaccinated.

Is anyone actually fully vaccinated yet anyway including the 3? Weeks after the second dose.

Waitwhat23 · 04/04/2021 20:32

Having been pregnant and given birth during the pandemic, I understand completely. I don't think people who haven't quite understand how much it has affected expecting and new mothers worry and anxiety - this is a completely unprecedented time and normal rules don't apply. Due to the restrictions when I gave birth ( April 2020), my parents weren't able to hold my baby until she was two months old and even then, I found it hard not to worry. I think meeting up outside would be totally fine in your situation but I can see why she is hesitant to let family hold the baby.

Flappityflippers1 · 04/04/2021 20:32

Just to echo others that you can have the vaccine while bfing.

We’ve got a 2 week old, immediate family have only met him this weekend for the first time. We isolated for 10 days as had midwives and health visitors in and out the house, then we all did lateral flow tests prior to visits on the day.

We sat inside as baby is tiny and can’t maintain his temp too well. It was lovely to see immediate family and for them to meet baby. I’m also extremely glad we had those 10 days just the 4 of us (have an older dc)

I haven’t let any other family over the doorstep though and have been wearing masks and keeping distance when they’ve come to the door. Some have clearly expected to be let in but we’ve just told them no.

Original poster
Grumpylate20s · 04/04/2021 20:51

@Flappityflippers1

Just to echo others that you can have the vaccine while bfing.

We’ve got a 2 week old, immediate family have only met him this weekend for the first time. We isolated for 10 days as had midwives and health visitors in and out the house, then we all did lateral flow tests prior to visits on the day.

We sat inside as baby is tiny and can’t maintain his temp too well. It was lovely to see immediate family and for them to meet baby. I’m also extremely glad we had those 10 days just the 4 of us (have an older dc)

I haven’t let any other family over the doorstep though and have been wearing masks and keeping distance when they’ve come to the door. Some have clearly expected to be let in but we’ve just told them no.

That's a great comment, thank you. We have indeed been very stringent with people whilst she's been pregnant but DW and I are getting worried about people just expecting to come in and have a cuddle
OP posts:
Original poster
Grumpylate20s · 04/04/2021 20:54

@Waitwhat23

Having been pregnant and given birth during the pandemic, I understand completely. I don't think people who haven't quite understand how much it has affected expecting and new mothers worry and anxiety - this is a completely unprecedented time and normal rules don't apply. Due to the restrictions when I gave birth ( April 2020), my parents weren't able to hold my baby until she was two months old and even then, I found it hard not to worry. I think meeting up outside would be totally fine in your situation but I can see why she is hesitant to let family hold the baby.
Wowza that must have been an incredibly difficult time being right in the thick of it, thank you for sharing your experience and wishing you all the best for when things move on and days get better and brighter
OP posts:
BluebellsGreenbells · 04/04/2021 20:55

She can have the vaccine while breastfeeding

Shown to give the babies anti bodies

Alsohuman · 04/04/2021 20:56

Is anyone actually fully vaccinated yet anyway including the 3? Weeks after the second dose

Yes, more than half a million people. There were just over 3,000 new cases in the whole of the UK yesterday and ten people died.

Original poster
Grumpylate20s · 04/04/2021 20:57

[quote sylbunny]@Tinydinosaur

Why won't you be getting the vaccine whilst breastfeeding? You'll be potentially missing out on passing immunity to your baby? Seems a bit silly? [/quote]
It's just not been 100% proven, it's not on the news and it hasn't been publicised about BF women having the vaccine. No underlying health concerns for DW except high blood pressure, when the time comes I'm sure she will get it. Hopefully by then, there should be more research into it

OP posts:
Sitchervice · 04/04/2021 21:11

@Grumpylate20s it litterly says on the NHS website you can have the vaccine when breastfeeding...

www.nhs.uk/conditions/coronavirus-covid-19/coronavirus-vaccination/coronavirus-vaccine/

DesperateDishwasher · 04/04/2021 21:12

@WetWeekends

To see the baby in a social distanced meet outdoors is very different to letting people cuddle them. I wouldn’t be letting people cuddle a newborn at the moment personally.
This to me, sounds imminently sensible
Tinydinosaur · 04/04/2021 21:13

[quote sylbunny]@Tinydinosaur

Why won't you be getting the vaccine whilst breastfeeding? You'll be potentially missing out on passing immunity to your baby? Seems a bit silly? [/quote]
@sylbunny
I don't feel enough is really known about it, it's so new, people only started having vaccines a few months ago. I might change my mind when there's more information. But for the time being, I don't feel comfortable putting something so new into my body while feeding my baby.

RubbishGardener · 04/04/2021 21:13

A newborn baby has no immune system. Why on earth would you put it at risk just to please the older women in your family.

There is no way I would let anyone near a newborn right now. There are pregnant women and babies who have died, albeit a low %.

Ohnomoreno · 04/04/2021 21:27

This is just so sad. I hope she can manage her anxiety better. Understand to some extent, but the risks are tiny particularly if everyone else is vaccinated.

Alwaysandforeverhere · 04/04/2021 21:30

@Alsohuman

Is anyone actually fully vaccinated yet anyway including the 3? Weeks after the second dose

Yes, more than half a million people. There were just over 3,000 new cases in the whole of the UK yesterday and ten people died.

Half a million or between half a million and a million isn’t actually that many people to be fully covered though is it. I love the fact that today 3,000 new cases is yay but before OMFG!
GabriellaMontez · 04/04/2021 21:39

@Grumpylate20s

It's not so much seeing family, it's more letting them hold and cuddle, my grandparents have had their vaccines, our parents have had theirs and I've had mine.. I guess for her it's the fact that shes been pretty much inside all of her pregnancy apart from the walks and the grocery shop that she feels very protective. I think the warmer weather will help in the summer but it's deceiving and we wouldn't want a door step meet for a newborn.

Maybe had covid never been a thing we'd get his jabs done and feel better, I wouldn't mind it for people to see him after my paternity leave and then to actually cuddle him when we can go inside relatives homes.

I mentioned wearing masks, sanitize etc etc. But no such luck

What's 'deceiving'?
MNWorldisCrazy · 04/04/2021 21:41

It’s your baby too! Take him to see your Gran, you have every right!

ekidmxcl · 04/04/2021 21:48

It’s a long time since I had a newborn, but tbh I think I’d be very anxious having one during these times. Hormones are ordering her to fiercely protect the baby. And if she is unvaccinated herself, perhaps she also fears leaving the baby without a mum if she gets covid and is seriously ill. I’d be very uncomfortable going against the wishes of a new mum and think relatives should abide by what she wants.

The immune system is not fully built up until the child is about 6yo as far as I remember. Newborns shouldn’t really be exposed to anything in the first 4 weeks especially. Sometimes this is unavoidable but I’d really prioritise the new mum and baby here.

Yummymummy2020 · 04/04/2021 21:55

I’m due soon and won’t be letting people hold the baby for a bit . This is actually my second pandemic baby (our first was around the first lock down )and I feel like a bit of a veteran at this point😂 what we will be doing is outdoor meet ups and distancing as things stand but are open to change with the times if things improve ect. Your wife is finding this worry hard at the moment, she may well relax more when the time comes. I will say, she is in my opinion right to be cautious as although many people are fine with Covid and kids can be ok including babies, you also can’t generally give a newborn medication for say a fever ect at home it will likely be a hospital trip. You can after those first two months though basically around the first vaccinations. She may be thinking along those lines too. Honestly I think it is perfectly reasonable for her to be reluctant to let people hold the baby at this point, and i don’t think it’s necessarily overly protective either. That said though I’m sure some people think I’m over protective too. Everyone has their own level of risk they are comfortable with and to be honest if she is happy to meet people outside I think that’s fair enough given the situation.

SleepingStandingUp · 04/04/2021 21:55

Not letting them cuddle I think is fine ATM, as lockdown eases she might feel it's easier to let them, esp if they will do a lateral flow test. I caught a bus to my friends to see the baby So got completely changed in the loo, washed my hands and put on the mask she gave me in order to cuddle her baby. I'd Def have done a lateral flow test. As it is she's 7 months and I've not held her since, but she really needed it early on.

However is she refusing to SEE anyone in the garden, the park or to take DD out? That would worry me more because I think she's going to find it hard to end that from an anxiety perspective

therestissilence · 04/04/2021 22:00

I remember being irrationally overprotective of my DD when she was born. Wouldn't even put her bouncer next to the window in case someone happened to throw a brick through the it (we lived in a very nice area!) and was a pile of nerves if my mum her out, for fear she wouldn't wait for the green man at traffic lights. Was always nervous next door would have a gas explosion... (On reflection, I think I was a bit nuts, actually).

So while I get really fed up with the disproportionate fear around Covid, especially now, I have sympathy if it's 'irrational, overprotective mum' syndrome.

therestissilence · 04/04/2021 22:02

@MNWorldisCrazy

It’s your baby too! Take him to see your Gran, you have every right!
I'm sure I'll get shouted at for saying so, but the mum has the last word when it's a newborn baby. Woe betide anyone who tries to get in the way of that!
Mummywantsaweewee · 04/04/2021 22:04

Firstly, it’s her choice whether to wait until she’s not exclusively breastfeeding to get vaccinated. I too share her concerns and it’s not for anyone else to stick their oar in and tell me I’m wrong. My body, my baby, my business.
Secondly, as others have said, support her and encourage her to talk about how she’s feeling. Her hormones will be all over the shop and let’s face it, it’s a strange time to be pregnant (I currently am, but with my second so don’t feel as overprotective as I was with my first).
As her husband your first priority should be your wife’s health and well-being over your family; chat to her about what’s going on in her head and ask her about garden visits. Make sure you stick up for her and ensure family respect her (and your) boundaries. You should be more concerned with how your wife feels than whether it’s fair or not to other people. Sorry if that sounds harsh but it’s the truth. After birth she may be exhausted, weepy, bleeding, sore, leaky boobs, scared to poo, feeling unattractive, find it hard to stand from sitting, burning when she wees, dealing with a complete identity overhaul (and that was my experience after a fairly easy and quick birth!!) and maybe she will just want to chill in bed with baby.
On the other hand she may feel TOTALLY different once baby is here. I remember pregnant with my first I was super anxious about everything. When he actually arrived I let everyone hold him Grin and that was despite bleeding, feeling weepy, scared of going to the loo, and everything.

Alsohuman · 04/04/2021 22:07

love the fact that today 3,000 new cases is yay but before OMFG!

It hasn’t been OMFG for many months. Why is it some people are so determined to hang onto this for grim death? 3,000 cases and ten deaths is bloody brilliant and the number is dropping every day. I can only conclude that some people have really enjoyed this and are sorry the end’s in sight.

therestissilence · 04/04/2021 22:10

@Alsohuman

love the fact that today 3,000 new cases is yay but before OMFG!

It hasn’t been OMFG for many months. Why is it some people are so determined to hang onto this for grim death? 3,000 cases and ten deaths is bloody brilliant and the number is dropping every day. I can only conclude that some people have really enjoyed this and are sorry the end’s in sight.

I do think this has provided a lot of mental and emotional stimulation for some people. I think there's not only going to be mental health implications resulting from lockdown but mental health implications resulting from the 'end' of the pandemic.
Alwaysandforeverhere · 04/04/2021 22:12

I’ve not enjoyed it one bit but watching th figured climb where 3,000 was scary to now seeing 3,000 as good is shocking still. That’s still a high number of people who knowingly have covid. Doesn’t take a lot for it to spike back up such as meeting up and not following social distancing.