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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not to let anyone see our newborn

166 replies

Grumpylate20s · 04/04/2021 19:00

I am wondering whether or not it would be selfish to not let anyone see or have a cuddle with our newborn, my wife is adamant that no one is to see him for at least a couple of months... It's my grans bday soon so I would love for her to see him but she is saying no way.. covid sucks and the immediate family has pretty much been vaccinated but my wife won't be able to get it as she's breastfeeding, so she's worried for her and the baby which I totally understand but to not allow anyone seeing him kinda seems unfair, I dunno what do you think?

OP posts:
gallbladderpain · 04/04/2021 22:13

To be fair no one should be cuddling the newborn right now anyways unless in a support bubble (which with a baby you are able to have) all other meetings should be socially distant.

PaquitaVariation · 04/04/2021 22:13

@RubbishGardener

A newborn baby has no immune system. Why on earth would you put it at risk just to please the older women in your family.

There is no way I would let anyone near a newborn right now. There are pregnant women and babies who have died, albeit a low %.

Newborns definitely do have a working immune system, they just don’t have much immunity to anything because they haven’t been exposed to anything.
Alsohuman · 04/04/2021 22:17

@Alwaysandforeverhere

I’ve not enjoyed it one bit but watching th figured climb where 3,000 was scary to now seeing 3,000 as good is shocking still. That’s still a high number of people who knowingly have covid. Doesn’t take a lot for it to spike back up such as meeting up and not following social distancing.
Yup. Definitely enjoying it. Nearly half the adult population is vaccinated, cases are falling by 30% a week and are now the lowest they’ve been since August, hospitalisation is as rare as rocking horse shit and still some people want us locked away for ever. The human race really depresses me.
ColdCottage · 04/04/2021 22:31

This might be useful. Shows breastfeeding mothers can have the vaccine. Via the government website and posted on my breastfeeding support group. Lots of bfing mothers have said they have had it.

"Additional updates relating to use of the Pfizer/BioNTech vaccine
The CHM has also reviewed further data for the Pfizer/BioNTech vaccinee_ as it has become available and has recommended the following changes:
• Pregnancy and women who are breastfeeding - the vaccine should only be considered for use in pregnancy when the potential benefits outweigh any potential risks for the mother and baby. Women should discuss the benefits and risks of having the vaccine with their healthcare professional and reach a joint decision based on individual circumstances. Women who are breastfeeding can also be given the vaccine. This advice is in line with pregnancy and breastfeeding advice for the Oxford University/AstraZeneca vaccine"

Link: www.gov.uk/government/news/oxford-universityastrazeneca-covid-19-vaccine-approved?fbclid=IwAR34Ij5eksC28TGWkeTC_JFP8MnO0E4H93q4ClthC6EsFPfiWuXAS3CFohA

ElderMillennial · 04/04/2021 22:51

I think your wife putting the baby first is it perfectly reasonable. Who is it unfair to? Some adults who could wait to see him. Surely health comes first. The risk may be small but it doesn't mean there is no risk and some of us are more cautious than others.

sylbunny · 04/04/2021 22:55

@Grumpylate20s

Yes it has ... it's on the NHS website.

Nothing in science is ever 100% proven. That's literally the crux of the scientific method.

Speak with an actual medical professional please instead of worrying about what you read on social media.

sylbunny · 04/04/2021 22:57

@Grumpylate20s

To say it's not been published is just ridiculous at this point. It's literally the first thing that comes up on google when searching for covid vaccine and breastfeeding

www.nhs.uk/conditions/coronavirus-covid-19/coronavirus-vaccination/coronavirus-vaccine/

GreenSlide · 04/04/2021 23:02

Babies health > adults feelings.

Iremembertheelderlykoreanlady · 04/04/2021 23:06

So it's not a case of Your wife won't "let anyone see" your newborn, it's that she doesn't want people cuddling the newborn.

You either phrased the OP for maximum click bait or you want your wife to look bad.

Not to let anyone see the newborn - unreasonable

Not to let anyone cuddle the newborn - OTT in my opinion but understandable

Merename · 04/04/2021 23:11

I can see why some think she’s OTT but I think her views are her views. Being ‘fair’ to relatives is just not as important as a new mum feeling secure and comfortable, and a newborn baby being well. I’m surprised by the amount of people saying ‘you can have the vaccine breastfeeding’ - yes you can but there’s literally no research into the long term impact, it’s just assumed to be ok. I think she just needs to do what she feels right, and have your support. Your feelings are valid and should be discussed, sounds like they are, but she’s the one that’s just done/ is doing the hardest shift and should get the final say imo.

Original poster
Grumpylate20s · 04/04/2021 23:18

[quote sylbunny]@Grumpylate20s

Yes it has ... it's on the NHS website.

Nothing in science is ever 100% proven. That's literally the crux of the scientific method.

Speak with an actual medical professional please instead of worrying about what you read on social media.[/quote]
I don't use social media, so no worries there I do have a lot of interest in the media though so I do like to hear experts opinons but unfortunately haven't heard a lot about it.

OP posts:
Pebbledashery · 04/04/2021 23:27

I think your wife needs to actually also remember this is your baby as well and she doesn't get to dictate everything. There are compromises, rather than a full on pass the baby session, just have a socially distanced meet in a park or garden. My best friend had a baby in September last year and I was round in her garden in October.. I still haven't held her baby yet but i respect her choices to protect her child whilst also allowing me to see her.. Your wife is being a tad precious.

Mummywantsaweewee · 04/04/2021 23:36

@Pebbledashery and if this is his wife’s first baby then it’s completely understandable if she’s being precious. It’s a whole new world for her and during a pandemic too. As I said in my post, she may feel totally different once baby is here.

SleepingStandingUp · 05/04/2021 00:34

@MNWorldisCrazy
It’s your baby too! Take him to see your Gran, you have every right!

Are you seriously proposing he takes a breastfeeding newborn out without Mom, and against the wishes of the anxious Mom because he should be allowed to break Covid rules for his kid of he wants to?

RewriteHistory · 05/04/2021 02:12

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RewriteHistory · 05/04/2021 02:14

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Original poster
Grumpylate20s · 05/04/2021 07:34

@RewriteHistory

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.
Hmmm wonder what that was about..
OP posts:
Original poster
Grumpylate20s · 05/04/2021 07:54

Thank you for all your advice and shared experiences, lots to think about. We had a discussion last night and she said she feels immense pressure as it's her first child to let people come over as soon as he arrives, our neighbors are the worst for this and are expecting to "pop round as soon as he is born".
I can clarify this will NOT be happening.

I was being unreasonable in asking this and should've phrased it differently but
as for our relatives they will just have to fall in line with our wishes and let us have time to bond as a family unit.. as the weather deceiving it won't be ideal having a door step meet and would rather wait until all restrictions have eased, everyone has been fully vaccinated and we can enter each others homes where there will be protection against the elements. But for now we will be able to meet them in gardens etc but only when we feel comfortable

In terms of BFing and the vaccine thats for another day, there needs to be more research done and it needs to be talked about more, that's not saying she won't get it full stop its just right now she hasn't been offered.

OP posts:
Flittingaboutagain · 05/04/2021 08:00

I've been offered the vaccine when I give birth even if breastfeeding. Until then no-one is cuddling our baby because I am not prepared to get Covid or expose baby to it just to keep relatives happy!

Tawnytowel · 05/04/2021 08:04

Depends what the people you want to see are doing. If they’re partying every day / night they can, breaking rules, taking public transport into work or generally licking door handles then I’d agree with her.

If they’re not, for example in the case of your gram perhaps, then to refuse even an outdoor meet up is massively disproportionate and a total overreaction.

And I’m someone who has been cautious about Covid all the way through.

bishbashbosh99 · 05/04/2021 08:06

I had the vaccine and I'm breastfeeding FYI. Yeah it's harsh, why doesn't she ask them to get a test, a lateral flow which you're allowed to get with no symptoms. Then if clear they can see them, there are ways around this, she just doesn't want to see them

GoWalkabout · 05/04/2021 08:09

I would say your dw is vulnerable to post natal depression and anxiety - you should help her make small steps to increase her confidence and social network.

Scrunchies · 05/04/2021 08:09

Just wanted to say please tell your wife she can have the vaccine whilst breastfeeding, if she wishes. I’m a doctor who is breastfeeding and I have had it

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