Page 3 | Not to let anyone see our newborn

Grumpylate20s · 2021-04-04T18:00:14+00:00

I am wondering whether or not it would be selfish to not let anyone see or have a cuddle with our newborn, my wife is adamant that no one is to see him for at least a couple of months... It's my grans bday soon so I would love for her to see him but she is saying no way.. covid sucks and the immediate family has pretty much been vaccinated but my wife won't be able to get it as she's breastfeeding, so she's worried for her and the baby which I totally understand but to not allow anyone seeing him kinda seems unfair, I dunno what do you think?

clary · 04/04/2021 19:50

Breastfeeding is not a reason not to have the COVID vaccination by the way. Scroll down on this link and it says so www.nhs.uk/conditions/coronavirus-covid-19/coronavirus-vaccination/coronavirus-vaccine/

Snailandthewhale · 04/04/2021 19:51

I gave birth in May, during the first lockdown and felt the same as your wife tbh.
I'd spent 9 months making sure my babies were safe, why would I put them at risk as soon as they arrived.
Nobody met our twins for weeks and the first meeting with grandparents we didn't let them hold.
It was about 2 months before we did.
She may feel differently when they're here, but if she doesn't, I think you should respect that and give her time.
Even if the chances of your wife contracting/being really ill with COVID are slim, she could still be floored for a few days, who wants that with a newborn. Same with potential cold or other symptoms with your baby, it's hard enough without illness.

MsTSwift · 04/04/2021 19:53

Won’t she be bored stiff sitting at home for 2 months with a newborn? I suppose if your family are dreadful that’s one thing but usually people keen to meet up and for them to meet the baby.

Lullaby88 · 04/04/2021 19:53

Its perfectly normal for your wife to feel this way. I am pregnant and due soon and feel anxious about everything post birth. Right now iv decided to see what it is like when that time comes. I wouldnt let anyone inside, if anyone was to hold the baby thryd have to masked and hands would have to be sanitised. Id rather no one holds the baby if im being honest until baby is older as newborns are vulnerable. And people will just have to accept it. But it really depends on the situation and guidance from midwifes at that point. If your wife is bfing she might worry if she gets covid it will be passed onto the baby via breast milk altho research shows this hasnt happened yet its all very new and its still a risk i guess. Please support ur wife. I know its hard but shes gone through the whole pregnancy and childbirth and she will feel more protective maternally. Mayb u could visit ur gran in an outdoor space and distance and tell ur gran to wear a mask and she can see the baby at a social distsnce Ask ur wife if she would feel ok with that?

catatecheese · 04/04/2021 19:55

She can have the vaccines when breastfeeding. She needs to get the correct information.
Covid has not actually been a risk for babies.
2 months with no contact is rather a long time and possibly not a good idea. She can form a childcare bubble even in lockdown.
What is her mental health like?

LadyDanburysCane · 04/04/2021 19:55

[quote Grumpylate20s]@Haha fair play, tests aren't easy to get hold of.. not that I know of anyway. Haha could you imagine. Everyone you have to do a test when get to ours or no cigar[/quote]
Whereabouts are you? I can walk into any test centre around here and ask for an allocation of lateral flow tests. I picked up two boxes of seven tests for DS the first time and last week they gave me four boxes. (I get given my tests by work).

Lullaby88 · 04/04/2021 19:56

Id also like to add. People who havent been pregnant through covid might not fully understand what it feels like. The anxiety is quite high. So please be careful who u take advice from.

Quartz2208 · 04/04/2021 19:56

Being vaccinated once doesnt mean that you are allowed to hug yet

www.standard.co.uk/news/uk/lockdown-rules-likely-ignored-vaccine-rollout-b900242.html

I think you need to see if she is willing to meet outside and get them to see them and then agree that if at the Step 3 May 17th (when hugging is going to be looked at) she will agree that if it is lifted then its fine

I cant see why she is seen as being so anxious when at the moment that is the rules?

Alwaysandforeverhere · 04/04/2021 20:00

So basically the issue isn’t letting people see the baby it’s holding the baby.

She’s right. They can’t hold the baby and social distance from the baby at the same time. In two months currently I believe the rules are due to change to scrap social distancing.

I’d question why someone would want to risk giving a newborn baby covid just so they can get a cuddle and break the law.

pigglepot · 04/04/2021 20:02

In my personal opinion I think she is being a bit over the top. If it was me I would allow close family to cuddle my newborn. There is very little risk to newborns even if they got it and the chance of your vaccinated family having it anyway when covid numbers are so low is very low too.

Having said that i think you will have to try to negotiate with her and tread very carefully as you need to be very careful to respect her wishes and show you are sensitive to her feelings. And ultimately she's the babies mother and you're her partner so your loyalty is to her rather than to family even if you think her choice is not right.

She is probably feeling very anxious and emotional right now being heavily pregnant. She might feel a bit more measured when the baby is here and her hormones have calmed down.

GabsAlot · 04/04/2021 20:02

i havent heard theyre scrapping social distancing i think thats going to be around for a long time

SplendidSuns1000 · 04/04/2021 20:03

I'd rather be selfish than run the risk. Whatever feels right for all 3 of you is what you should choose. 2 months isn't long and gives you time as a family to bond and you'll have something to look forward to when you feel safe to meet with others.

Nesski · 04/04/2021 20:04

Due in June and mine will be seeing all family members as soon as possible, vaccine won't be available for babies for a very very long time. I mean I might end up not being able to breastfeed so immunity through those channels isn't always going to be an option. Saying that, I am extremely relaxed about most stuff, maybe even blaisé, and would rather have a socialised baby than lock him away for God knows how long - it takes a community to raise a child.

Happymum12345 · 04/04/2021 20:07

I would do whatever your wife says. Having a newborn is stressful at the best of times let alone now. Be patient.

Alwaysandforeverhere · 04/04/2021 20:07

@GabsAlot

i havent heard theyre scrapping social distancing i think thats going to be around for a long time

BBC news on the roadmap is the possible.

Stage four no earlier than the 21st June

“All legal limits on social contact will be removed”

Could be why she’s waiting for. Since we are the start of April her date of around 2 months wouldn’t be far of a maybe long hoped for change.

Kayjay2018 · 04/04/2021 20:11

@Grumpylate20s I had my daughter last May and due to restrictions no one got to meet her for 2 months. It was tough but the first time people did meet her it had to be socially distanced in the garden so no holding or cuddles. It wasn't till a good while later and with my mum wearing a mask that she held her. Both my parents were still doing the food shop, there had been no vaccine so I was doing what I felt right at the time. Having a new baby is stressful, add in a pandemic and it's another worry. Both sets of grandparents have had to deal with the fact that this is not normal times and that we will be abiding by current guidance. We only just got to see my parents last week due to lockdown having not seen them in the flesh since the start of December. I think everyone is having to compromise in order to hopefully get the world back to a more normal state as quickly as possible. Maybe come up with a plan which might be seeing and not touching at first, then as lockdown eases further she may feel more comfort moving away from her current stance

Loopylobes · 04/04/2021 20:14

I'm with your wife on this one.

A baby won't benefit from being passed round visitors up to two months of age and, in that time, more of the population will be vaccinated and the risk of contracting Covid will be reduced.

Tiny babies don't need to socialise with a variety of people. Just their parents is perfectly adequate for their development needs.

I get why it will be hard for grandparents not to be allowed a cuddle but I wouldn't increase the risk for my baby when they wouldn't benefit in any way.

If she's happy to meet and SD, support her in that and step in if anyone tries to push the boundaries.

Coffeeciffee · 04/04/2021 20:15

I'm 5 days over due and honestly wondering the same thing. I have been very anxious this pregnancy because of previous miscarriages and covid, so I don't blame her. I spoke to my midwife as I do want my mum and mil to see the baby. She said if they pop over with food :) and have been tested that day and it's obviously negative she doesn't see a problem. It will be a lot different from when we had our first child but I don't want loads of people near our new baby! I think ours will be a couple of people gradually until I feel comfortable. She may change her mind

Tinydinosaur · 04/04/2021 20:16

Sorry if it came across rude, our baby is very close to being born and I feel her anxiety. I won't be getting vaccinated while I breastfeed. My husband has been super supportive of all my decisions though. At the end of the day, this baby is my life, I've been caring for it for 9 months, I've worried about the movements, or lack of, I've worried about cramps, discharge, I've felt the feet in my ribcage, the use of my bladder as a squeeze toy. I've not drank caffeine, alcohol, I've avoided smokers, I've done everything I can for the past 9 months to protect this baby. When this baby is born, it'll be harder to protect them, I'll have to trust other people with them, it's scary. I would feel even more anxious if I felt like people were trying to pressure me to do things I wasn't comfortable with. I really think you should just support her, her anxiety will be less if she feels like she has control and like you'll back her up.

Also, can you imagine if you convince her to allow it. And she catches covid, and is ill, while having just given birth and having a new baby to look after? You'd feel so guilty, and she'd feel resentful.

It might not be 2 months, she might decide she's comfortable with it in 2 weeks. But she will always resent being pressured. Just focus on her and your baby right now, looking after them, helping her, they're your priority.

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 04/04/2021 20:19

I get why it will be hard for grandparents not to be allowed a cuddle but I wouldn't increase the risk for my baby when they wouldn't benefit in any way

Me neither if in that circumstance. I’d also not be very impressed of family members thought it ok to break guidance and put others at possible risk. Especially a newborn.

EasterIsComing · 04/04/2021 20:21

She is completely right to not want everyone cuddling her baby at the moment when we are supposed to be social distancing. I felt that way about mine without a pandemic. I would encourage visiting outdoors but first make clear to all that social distancing will be followed.

TakeYourFinalPosition · 04/04/2021 20:22

@Alwaysandforeverhere Mask wearing and social distancing are exempt from the “all restrictions on social contact lifted”, they’re getting their own review in April or May.

Not that it’s massively important, but just so that people know!

Original poster

Grumpylate20s · 04/04/2021 20:23

@Tinydinosaur

Sorry if it came across rude, our baby is very close to being born and I feel her anxiety. I won't be getting vaccinated while I breastfeed. My husband has been super supportive of all my decisions though. At the end of the day, this baby is my life, I've been caring for it for 9 months, I've worried about the movements, or lack of, I've worried about cramps, discharge, I've felt the feet in my ribcage, the use of my bladder as a squeeze toy. I've not drank caffeine, alcohol, I've avoided smokers, I've done everything I can for the past 9 months to protect this baby. When this baby is born, it'll be harder to protect them, I'll have to trust other people with them, it's scary. I would feel even more anxious if I felt like people were trying to pressure me to do things I wasn't comfortable with. I really think you should just support her, her anxiety will be less if she feels like she has control and like you'll back her up.

Also, can you imagine if you convince her to allow it. And she catches covid, and is ill, while having just given birth and having a new baby to look after? You'd feel so guilty, and she'd feel resentful.

It might not be 2 months, she might decide she's comfortable with it in 2 weeks. But she will always resent being pressured. Just focus on her and your baby right now, looking after them, helping her, they're your priority.

Amazing and congratulations what an exciting but scary time! Thank you for that. Incredibly reassuring! I'm not annoyed at all at her decision and I 100% get it. I was just curious if anyone else is in her position.. If I'd been carrying a human life for the best part of 9 months then I too would be incredibly protective and even more so throughout this time.

OP posts:

sylbunny · 04/04/2021 20:28

@Tinydinosaur

Why won't you be getting the vaccine whilst breastfeeding? You'll be potentially missing out on passing immunity to your baby? Seems a bit silly?

Quartz2208 · 04/04/2021 20:28

Yes its by May 17th

As soon as possible and by no later than Step 3, we will also update the advice on social distancing between friends and family, including hugging. But until this point, people should continue to keep their distance from anyone not in their household or support bubble

I do think people misunderstand or overestimate what being vaccinated actually means