Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not to let anyone see our newborn

166 replies

Grumpylate20s · 04/04/2021 19:00

I am wondering whether or not it would be selfish to not let anyone see or have a cuddle with our newborn, my wife is adamant that no one is to see him for at least a couple of months... It's my grans bday soon so I would love for her to see him but she is saying no way.. covid sucks and the immediate family has pretty much been vaccinated but my wife won't be able to get it as she's breastfeeding, so she's worried for her and the baby which I totally understand but to not allow anyone seeing him kinda seems unfair, I dunno what do you think?

OP posts:
choppet · 05/04/2021 13:15

Completely OTT, life is so short, covid or not..who knows when we last get a chance to see someone.

My schoolfriend husband dropped dead last week. Heart attack, fit and healthy aged 39.

Covid is covid, numbers massively down, if she was really adamant u could ask your nan politely to wear a mask if indoors.

I'm sure you want to show off your baby ❤

Coffeeciffee · 05/04/2021 13:39

@choppet what a load of shit, have you been in the same situation and been pregnant in a pandemic? If not, don't judge. It's so different from normal circumstances and this mother just wants to keep her new baby safe, not 'show the baby off' comments like yours are so ridiculous. Pregnant women have had a lot of shit to deal with without entitled people like you thinking just because there's a new baby in the family you are allowed to see or cuddle or touch it.

Mummywantsaweewee · 05/04/2021 13:44

@choppet it’s not OTT. You’re not being helpful.

Alsohuman · 05/04/2021 13:44

@Namechangeforspring2021

I had both my babies in ‘normal’ times and hated the whole passing the newborn around stage, when the baby comes back to you smelling like someone else’s perfume 🤮
That’s why anyone with an atom of sense doesn’t wear scent when meeting a new baby. Holding a new baby with that wonderful unique smell is one of life’s greatest pleasures.
Moomin12345 · 05/04/2021 13:46

All newborns look the same way anyway. YABU.

Sockmate123 · 05/04/2021 13:49

No need for aggression. That is my opinion. Life is very short.. I have extensive experience of Covid sadly nut all the more reason to cherish this time with new baby. He mentioned its his Grans bday coming up which would be lovely for her to hold the baby briefly with a mask on. Would bring great joy and minimal risk to baby outdoors. Please don't resort to swearing. It's unnecessary. He asked for opinions and they will differ as you can see. Its up to them to decide what's right for their family.

LadyLaSnack · 05/04/2021 13:56

*I feel absolutely incensed reading the many many comments here suggesting your wife must be at serious risk of PND, she has excessive anxiety, she’s OTT, she’s controlling, she’s being selfish, she’s obviously mentally unwell...

How dare a new mother make her own decisions. How dare she protect her baby and herself before everyone else!
She must be mentally ill if she doesn’t go along with what everyone else wants*

Actually I think this is a really good point. This is a new mum making decisions for the safety of her baby - and we are in a pandemic with a life threatening illness doing the rounds. In many ways this is a sensible logic driven choice (on top of it being an instinctive one).

Original poster
Grumpylate20s · 05/04/2021 14:00

@choppet

Completely OTT, life is so short, covid or not..who knows when we last get a chance to see someone.

My schoolfriend husband dropped dead last week. Heart attack, fit and healthy aged 39.

Covid is covid, numbers massively down, if she was really adamant u could ask your nan politely to wear a mask if indoors.

I'm sure you want to show off your baby ❤

Sorry to.hear that and thank you for.sharing, same thing happened to my mum aged 43, one min here, the next gone forever. I was 16 and my lil sis 13. It was awful and I still fear that it could happen to me as I had heart issues in the past, gotta play it safe though
OP posts:
Original poster
Grumpylate20s · 05/04/2021 14:04

@Moomin12345

All newborns look the same way anyway. YABU.
I've never seen a newborn so.i.wouldnt know
OP posts:
Drawingablank · 05/04/2021 14:20

Our baby was born in November and we’ve faced all the same nerves about trying to evaluate the risk. The most important thing you can do is be on the same side and try to work it out together

Brightbouquet · 05/04/2021 14:33

Adding support for your wife here. I have recently given birth and in a similar position. Even when I had my first dc I said immediate family only for paternity leave to give us time to settle and adjust as a family. This time I was grateful for lockdown to give us that time again. I understand her concerns and external pressure from others will be counterproductive, ot will only make her feel like she needs to fight for the space to be with the baby. What she needs is for those around her to say we look forward to seeing you when you're ready. Without the pressure and with some time to recover from a huge physical and emotional life change I'm sure she will reach a point when she is keen to show off her little bundle.

Your messages about her are lovely and you sound like a great partner. Time and space and support is all she needs for now 😊 Congratulations by the way!

Bishbashbosh101 · 05/04/2021 14:41

You will be a really lovely dad. Keep doing what you're doing.

Tawnytowel · 05/04/2021 15:01

I've never seen a newborn so.i.wouldnt know

In which case this should give you reassurance that no one really expects to see yours either Grin

choppet · 05/04/2021 16:52

I'm so sorry to hear this.

Ultimately its up to you and your wife, best of luck, such special times ahead x

SionnachGlic · 05/04/2021 23:26

'I've never seen a newborn so.i.wouldnt know'

OP,

You are in for such a treat when your little baby arrives, you'll love the little snuggles & the new baby smell is just bliss. Wishing you & your wife all the best...enjoy. And put your own rules in place...whatever works for you both.

2021youpromisedyoudbebetter · 06/04/2021 00:07

We had our baby last summer, I was extremely anxious about covid on the run up and just generally became more insular around that time wanting to announce when I was ready etc and not feel rushed. Our child met both sets of grandparents in the first 2 weeks and then their immediate aunts and uncles in the time after as lockdowns and tiers started to be announced we switched to outdoor meetings as per the rules. She is now 7 months and has yet to meet many family, tbh in hindsight I wish I had felt braver to show her off immediately when life felt relatively normal as since the autumn I've not had the opportunity. It's a bit of a double edged sword I lament the time other people didnt get to bond and enjoy her as a little baby but equally know that I was doing at the time what I deemed the responsible thing. You sound like a brilliant couple and you'll do well as you're listening and supporting her

New posts on this thread. Refresh page