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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Why do people assume I am struggling financially?

552 replies

forinborin · 04/04/2021 10:57

A very, very shallow thread.

Over the last couple of years, I had a couple of situations where people, presumably, assumed that I must be in some financial trouble.

Once at a dentist - I registered with a new one for an emergency appointment and everyone (the receptionist, the dental nurse and the dentist) repeated several times that it is not free, not NHS and I will be expected to pay for it (I was puzzled as I already said "yes, I know, I read the form with the fee schedule and I signed it" several times).

Being told in a cafe that the price on the menu is for an "average" size main item (say, a lobster), and the actual one could be more or less expensive depending on the exact weight - would I like them to pick a smaller / cheaper one? The difference was a pound or two at most, probably.

Browsing for a gift for a friend's newborn in one of those boutique baby shops and the attendant saying "you know, we are a bit on the expensive side - you can also try XXX (a high street shop)". Without any prompting from my side, she even did not ask what I was looking for.

Discussing a recent purchase with someone I know distantly (they asked for a recommendation), and they say: "oh, you probably will be paying it off for years now!" It wasn't that expensive, I did not buy it on credit - but for some reason they had an impression that it was the only way I could afford it?

And so it goes, the full list is quite long. Yesterday new neighbours said they bought too many chocolate eggs and whether I/kids would like to share the excess, as no one should go without at Easter - they know how hard it must be. We are not going without... had never said anything like that to them, had never discussed money. Limiting sugar at home, that's true, for newly diagnosed health reasons - the children probably mentioned something at school about not having candy and chocolate, but why the first conclusion is that it is due to the lack of money? I mean, it was very kind of them, but made me feel like a charity case...

Now, I am not rich or wealthy, far from it, there are indeed months where it is paycheck to paycheck. But I have a reasonably comfortable professional income and can usually afford a chocolate egg or a tooth extraction. Something in my appearance/ behaviour must be screaming "she's struggling financially!"

So my extremely shallow question is - what is it that would make you immediately think "oh, she's struggling" pretty much on the first sight? Appearance/ grooming? Weight / visible unhealthiness? Clothes / style? Behaviour?

OP posts:
FlossieTeacakesFurCoat18 · 13/04/2021 18:43

@ThatOtherPoster

I work in a shop that’s frequented by a mix of rich people and normal people. I’ve noticed that rich people:

Wear clothes that are simple and plain, but of a lovely quality: cashmere jumpers, decent jeans, silk shirts, real leather jackets.

Jewellery is minimal but impressive (like a beautiful watch, or a stonking engagement ring and wedding band on an otherwise bare hand).

Decent leather handbag. Good leather shoes.

Have shiny hair. (Women.) I don’t know how money gives you shiny hair but it seems to.

Have a lovely wallet or purse.

Shouldn't this be "people I presume are rich"? Unless they're all paying with platinum cards...
Mamaily · 29/12/2021 13:10

This!!! This is happen to me aswell. I’m truly believe its because i’m brown. I’m from south east asia and i dressed with nice clothing (reiss, lk bennet, etc). My household income is £80k so i consider very comfortable life. But still sometime i feel everyone think i’m poor. Especially with other mums in my children school (state school). One of the teacher call me and said that i can have my 2 year old into nursery because she thought i eligible for 2 years old funding for lower income.

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