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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DP didn't come home AIBU to be Pissed off?

551 replies

ShutUpaYourFace · 04/04/2021 07:51

So yesterday DP went off at 3pm to a socially distanced wake/bbq. His friends DP passed away, the funeral is soon but limited. This is a group of men that haven't got together since the pandemic. I understand they have a lot to catch up on so on, but he said it was just an afternoon thing outside. We have 2 children so about midnight I went to bed. It's now nearly 8am and he still hasn't returned. No text, no call. I'm pissed off. It has happened before and always leads to an argument. I just can't forgive the lack of respect towards myself and the kids.
AIBU? would you be pissed off too?

OP posts:
THATbasicSNOWFLAKE · 04/04/2021 07:52

Yanbu what a twat

Mylovelyhorsee · 04/04/2021 07:52

That’s so selfish. Sorry op. How long does it take to send a text that says I’m staying out. I would be beside myself with worry.

VictoriaBun · 04/04/2021 07:54

I'd join you in feeling very pissed off and not communicating with you to tell you whats happening.

Gruntwork · 04/04/2021 07:55

Fucking hell. That's really poor.

MaLarkinn · 04/04/2021 07:58

Under the circumstances I wouldn't be pissed off no.

starbrightstarlight8888 · 04/04/2021 07:59

Of course I'd be annoyed. Anything could have happened.

woofwoof1880 · 04/04/2021 08:00

This would piss me off. What does he claim to be doing when he is out all night? Don’t be taken for a fool by him.

cricketmum84 · 04/04/2021 08:01

No I would be absolutely raging if my DH pulled this stunt.

It's piss poor and completely thoughtless!

mnahmnah · 04/04/2021 08:01

I would be swaying between pissed off at the complete lack of communication and concerned in case hey walked off a cliff

scaredsadandstuck · 04/04/2021 08:02

YADNBU

I'd be cross and I'd probably be a bit worried. I'd probably send a message along the lines of "Presuming you're just hungover and not dead?" to check he was ok. Then I'd start planning my speech for when he finally had the decency to come home! Grin

notacooldad · 04/04/2021 08:02

AIBU? would you be pissed off too?
No I wouldn't but I'm not in your shoes.
I do t have young kids and Dh has only done this maybe once in 30 odd years.
If it was aone off I wouldn't be concerned due to the reason he's out ( his friends death and with old pals) but if it became a common occurance then yes I would be annoyed, especially if it ruins plans and support for the following day.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 04/04/2021 08:03

I think it’s safe to say the party moved inside and he drank too much- I wouldn’t be impressed he hadn’t messaged, pass over all childcare when he eventually comes home.

DinosaurDiana · 04/04/2021 08:04

Yes, lack of respect to you and your kids.

ScottishStottie · 04/04/2021 08:06

I think in the circumstances of supporting someone who is grieving (am i reading correctly that his friends partner has died) then i wouldnt be annoyed, no.

Its not like he does it all the time, sounds like a total one off in unique circumstances.

Yes he should have messaged but maybe they were all having deep heart to heart convos fuelled by alcohol.and there was no good time to break away to call, until.it was too late

Boom45 · 04/04/2021 08:06

If it was the next morning and I'd not even had a text I'd be really really worried. If it turned out that he was fine I'd be properly pissed off.

PragmaticWench · 04/04/2021 08:07

It's not the staying out after an emotional gathering that would bother me, it's the lack of courtesy to call/message. Completely unacceptable.

DragonPoop · 04/04/2021 08:07

Yanbu, it does show a lack of respect to you and your children in my opinion. It takes seconds to send a text just to keep you in the loop so you’re not worried about him

Overdueanamechange · 04/04/2021 08:07

My first thought would be of worry of this is out of character. Have you got a tracker app on his phone?

BendingSpoons · 04/04/2021 08:08

YANBU. I wouldn't be happy right now with DH staying overnight but I'd get over that if I was given a text update.

ButIcantsitonleather · 04/04/2021 08:10

My H can be a total twerp when out drinking and getting carried away, but there’s no way he wouldn’t let me know what he was doing.

hardboiledeggs · 04/04/2021 08:10

I would be furious tbh. He should at least be in contact with you. Even when he’s home he’ll be in too much of a state to help with the kids not to mention having you worried out of your box!

Sexnotgender · 04/04/2021 08:10

YANBU, not to even give you the courtesy of communicating is terrible.

WildWaterSwimmer · 04/04/2021 08:10

I'd be furious with him. A quick text explaining the situation would have taken him 30 seconds to send you. Leaving you in limbo not sure when he is coming home is very disrespectful

Cuntryhouse · 04/04/2021 08:11

If you reverse this situation, he'd have the police out and everything. Dh did this a few times and I said never again. It's not the staying out, it's the lack of text to say so. These days I'm older and wiser and I'd probably expect him to go overboard if I heard the word wake and just not expect him home. I think I'm making a bit of an excuse, but everyone is going to be looking at letting off steam. Make sure you get to too.

JorisBonson · 04/04/2021 08:13

I'd be pissed off about the lack of a text.