Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you let teen ds go to centre parcs in this situation

298 replies

Troublewaters2021 · 03/04/2021 22:11

Hi

Son is 14 if he can go Centre parcs in august with his boyfriend and boyfriends older brother and friends.

Older brother of boyfriend is 21.

I am not sure I feel comfortable with it, he thinks I’m being v unreasonable.

Back story - his sister has been v sick and there is no chance of having a break this year.
So would be nice for him to get away but are 21 year olds really responsible for 2 14 year old boys.

OP posts:
justforthisnow · 04/04/2021 00:12

@GuildfordGal

Perfect. Then let him go. Thought you mentioned they were in a relationship, but perhaps it's a platonic one

A platonic relationship at 14 is quite normal.

The word boyfriend was mentioned by the OP so I presumed, mistakenly it would appear, they were in a romantic relationship.
Anon778833 · 04/04/2021 00:14

I think I would let him go. It’s CP, not Amsterdam.

GuildfordGal · 04/04/2021 00:15

For a long time Centre Parks was a euphemism for bum sex on Mumsnet

I've been on MN for almost 14 years and didn't know this! I'm torn between asking why, and really, really not wanting to know Grin

justforthisnow · 04/04/2021 00:16

@GuildfordGal

For a long time Centre Parks was a euphemism for bum sex on Mumsnet

I've been on MN for almost 14 years and didn't know this! I'm torn between asking why, and really, really not wanting to know Grin

Ah now, really? 😂
daisypond · 04/04/2021 00:18

The word boyfriend was mentioned by the OP so I presumed, mistakenly it would appear, they were in a romantic relationship.

A romantic relationship can be platonic as well.

SeaShoreGalore · 04/04/2021 00:19

I think it was started by someone who's husband mistakenly thought she'd said that Mumsnet said that going to centre parks meant bum sex, or some such. Then it took on a life of its own. Though the fact that I am the first to mention it here is making me doubt myself!

GuildfordGal · 04/04/2021 00:19

The word boyfriend was mentioned by the OP so I presumed, mistakenly it would appear, they were in a romantic relationship

They're not mutually exclusive. Relationships at 14 can be both platonic and romantic. Boy/girlfriend at 14 doesn't - and shouldn't - automatically mean sex.

GuildfordGal · 04/04/2021 00:20

x-post with Daisypond

GuildfordGal · 04/04/2021 00:21

Seashore Grin Well it means it now.

justforthisnow · 04/04/2021 00:24

@GuildfordGal

The word boyfriend was mentioned by the OP so I presumed, mistakenly it would appear, they were in a romantic relationship

They're not mutually exclusive. Relationships at 14 can be both platonic and romantic. Boy/girlfriend at 14 doesn't - and shouldn't - automatically mean sex.

I agree completely. Based on experience though, without parental supervision, the chances of sex increase. Especially if the responsible adults are 21. It's not fair to ask 14 yr olds to be completely in charge of their sex lives? Or is it?
GuildfordGal · 04/04/2021 00:27

justforthisnow Agreed. I've already said that I don't think the OP should let the children go on the holiday.

justforthisnow · 04/04/2021 00:30

@GuildfordGal

justforthisnow Agreed. I've already said that I don't think the OP should let the children go on the holiday.
We are on the same page it seems.
CJsGoldfish · 04/04/2021 00:52

OP, I'm not sure why you are getting such grief. I think you've made a good decision and it sounds like you have good boundaries in place.

The world of MN is not where I'd get my 'teen' advice. Where teen drinking is 'normal' and staying out all hours is something they are just 'going to do' Where placing boundaries and an expected level of respect is 'smothering' and 'damaging'. Usually said by parents whose out of control teens behaviour 'came out of nowhere' because that's "what teens do"

Sounds like you are doing fine and have a handle on things. Trust yourself.

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 04/04/2021 00:54

Not burying my head in the sand at all. I know my 14 year old has kissed her boyfriend. I also trust her completely as she talks to me about literally everything. I also know SOME 14 year olds are having sex and drinking alcohol. The way the poster I replied to said what they said was disgusting assuming all 14 year olds were up for it.

There's quite a leap from just hanging out, kissing and hugging to having sex and getting pissed. There is a middle ground!

Italiangreyhound · 04/04/2021 00:59

No chance.

Gwenhwyfar · 04/04/2021 01:06

@EverythingsComingUpRoses

Boyfriend as in romantic interest or boyfriend as in friend that is a boy?
When is boyfriend ever used for friend that is a boy? I've had girlfriend used like that, but never boyfriend.
Gwenhwyfar · 04/04/2021 01:11

"Relationships at 14 can be both platonic and romantic."

Romantic and chaste maybe, but romantic and platonic seems to be a contradiction to me - a platonic relationship for me would be one where there is no physical attraction, not one that is not consummated. Sorry to derail the thread to one about word pedantry, but I need to know if I've misunderstood it all my life!

Saracen · 04/04/2021 01:13

I think the option of you going along is a good one.

If you knew the 21yo well then it could be okay to leave your son in his care - my 21yo would do a great job of looking after my 14yo and a friend in a situation like this - but it sounds like you don't know him. Keeping an eye on teenagers is quite a tricky skill, harder than looking after younger children IMO. He might or might not be up to the job.

Italiangreyhound · 04/04/2021 01:15

Platonic means non-sexual. Most people would consider romantic as sexual, so romantic and platonic don't seem to go together to me.

Gwenhwyfar · 04/04/2021 01:16

"I think the option of you going along is a good one."

Wouldn't the 21 year olds cancel then?

Gwenhwyfar · 04/04/2021 01:17

@Italiangreyhound

Platonic means non-sexual. Most people would consider romantic as sexual, so romantic and platonic don't seem to go together to me.
Thank you Italian. We share the same understanding. I know that some in the ace community claim to have be romantic, but not sexual, but for most people there is a connection. When I talk about my platonic friends, they're not people I'm snogging, they're people I don't fancy at all!
GuildfordGal · 04/04/2021 01:19

Platonic means non-sexual. Most people would consider romantic as sexual, so romantic and platonic don't seem to go together to me

Romantic and chaste maybe, but romantic and platonic seems to be a contradiction to me - a platonic relationship for me would be one where there is no physical attraction, not one that is not consummated

Yes, fair points. I'd picked up the word platonic from a pp, but romantic and chaste is more accurate.

Gwenhwyfar · 04/04/2021 01:20

Thanks Guildford. My meaning pedantry is satisfied for the night.

Original poster
Troublewaters2021 · 04/04/2021 01:26

@Saracen yeh we know them very well.

The boys have grown up with each other since starting nursery and then finding their love for rugby.
Both families have then became friends over that time.

OP posts:
Original poster
Troublewaters2021 · 04/04/2021 01:28

The whole why would 21 year olds want 14 year olds around I think the whole situation was more that the parents were doing away ( leaving the boys at home ) so then brother suggested taking him to Centre parcs instead of staying at home for activities and then younger brother asked if my ds could go along to.

OP posts: