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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you let teen ds go to centre parcs in this situation

298 replies

Troublewaters2021 · 03/04/2021 22:11

Hi

Son is 14 if he can go Centre parcs in august with his boyfriend and boyfriends older brother and friends.

Older brother of boyfriend is 21.

I am not sure I feel comfortable with it, he thinks I’m being v unreasonable.

Back story - his sister has been v sick and there is no chance of having a break this year.
So would be nice for him to get away but are 21 year olds really responsible for 2 14 year old boys.

OP posts:
IsItADHD · 04/04/2021 01:32

No. Why would you?

TheTeenageYears · 04/04/2021 03:02

If he's complaining that he's only 8 years younger than his adult brother then he really isn't mature enough to go away without proper parental supervision.

At the end of the day everything will be fine until it's not, once it's not your 21 year old is a lot less likely to have the skills to deal with a less than ideal situation than you would.

FakeFruitShoot · 04/04/2021 03:47

I wouldn't personally allow it because I wouldn't want my child (and your son sounds lovely) put in a position where sex was expected and I think this could easily turn into one of those situations.

I also think Centre Parcs is a very expensive way to do more of the same activities he is doing most weekends anyway!

Frazzled2207 · 04/04/2021 08:41

@Troublewaters2021

The whole why would 21 year olds want 14 year olds around I think the whole situation was more that the parents were doing away ( leaving the boys at home ) so then brother suggested taking him to Centre parcs instead of staying at home for activities and then younger brother asked if my ds could go along to.
Sounds like they haven’t yet considered how much it costs in august! That will put them off
WitchyBolloxNStuff · 04/04/2021 08:51

It's not just on MN that teens drink and have sex etc. Probably more common at 15/16 than 14 but it really isn't unusual in RL, IMO if people think that they have lived a sheltered life or are in complete demial. I must say I was quite shocked at how immature teens are these days compared to 30 years ago.

That said, it doesn't mean you should have boundaries though, the fact that teens will want to do all that means you need to be good at compromise and boundaries surely.

I actually find MN quite the opposite, I find in general on here that posters talk like anyone under 25 is a child that needs full parental supervision like taking phones off 18 yos at 9pm, uni students are still children or not allowing a 17 yo to babysit indoors for a younger sibling.

serin · 04/04/2021 08:52

It's the rugby connection that would worry me. They behave like complete idiots after a few drinks.
DS went to stay over at his rugby mates when he was 16 for a birthday party and played drunken rugby. Then sustained life changing injuries, that has meant he has had to change his career path and limits what he can do. He was at national level in another sport and that dream was over in an instant.

Soontobe60 · 04/04/2021 08:55

@Troublewaters2021

Centre parcs would allow it. As long as each accommodation has someone 21 and over in it.

Maybe I could suggest I go and stay in a lodge with the “ kids “ and they can joint the outdoor activities with the others during the day.

In order to preserve our family environment, we do not permit “stag/hen” parties nor adult fancy dress on village

From their terms and conditions section C4 linked below.

www.centerparcs.co.uk/content/dam/centerparcs/terms-and-conditions/our-agreement-with-you.PDF

daisypond · 04/04/2021 08:57

@TheTeenageYears

If he's complaining that he's only 8 years younger than his adult brother then he really isn't mature enough to go away without proper parental supervision.

At the end of the day everything will be fine until it's not, once it's not your 21 year old is a lot less likely to have the skills to deal with a less than ideal situation than you would.

He isn’t complaining of that, and he’s not 8 years younger than the brother.
Urbacodon · 04/04/2021 09:00

Definitely not, I’d be choosy about letting DS go away with another family (parents) at that age, never mind a group of lads

Hathertonhariden · 04/04/2021 09:03

Safeguarding red flags all over the place with this idea

Branleuse · 04/04/2021 09:15

You totally did the right thing to say no.
Imagine if something did happen, youd be negligent

SofiaMichelle · 04/04/2021 09:22

Im quite surprised at some of the replies.

If OP had said "my 14yo DD wants to go to Centre Parcs for the weekend with her boyfriend, the boyfriends brother will be with them..." I'd have expected a whole raft of "no way!" in response.

Maybe I'm out of touch, though.

JamesMiddletonsMarshmallows · 04/04/2021 09:24

@SofiaMichelle

Im quite surprised at some of the replies.

If OP had said "my 14yo DD wants to go to Centre Parcs for the weekend with her boyfriend, the boyfriends brother will be with them..." I'd have expected a whole raft of "no way!" in response.

Maybe I'm out of touch, though.

I'm shocked too.

As a PP put it, no it's not ok for a 14yo to have a dirty weekend with their boyfriend and a group of men

stuckinarutatwork · 04/04/2021 09:24

@Branleuse

its not vile or disgusting or weird to assume that if you let two 14 year olds go away without supervision then they will have sex, because they probably will. Jeez, dont you remember being a hormonal teen?

I have teenagers btw

Correct, especially given that the info in the text suggests that his mother was doing exactly that (she's said she's 29 and the child is 14..)
SavoyCabbage · 04/04/2021 09:26

[quote Troublewaters2021]@SavoyCabbage what do you mean ? I would pay for his activities if I took him.[/quote]

When I posted it was one minute before you said you would be going too.

I was responding to you saying that they had chosen CP for the leisure activities which seems crazy to me as the leisure activities at CP are notoriously expensive. I can't imagine young people, who don't often have a lot of disposable income, specifically choosing to go there for the activities.

idontlikealdi · 04/04/2021 09:42

Apart from anything else why on earth would a group of young people chose centre parcs, the middle class family place, pay extra for everything place as a holiday in august. Makes no sense at all.

notalwaysalondoner · 04/04/2021 09:48

Unless I was absolutely convinced the older brother and his friend were calm, mature, boring and not the kind to drink lots, encourage the younger boys to drink/do drugs/party too much/lie about their age etc. no way. It really depends a lot on the brother and friend and the kind of people they are but on paper it sounds risky. Although thinking back to when I was 21 (ten years ago) most male friends would see 14 year olds as little kids and wouldn’t be encouraging them to do anything “bad”, if they were 16/17 it would be more likely.

Frazzled2207 · 04/04/2021 11:53

@idontlikealdi

Apart from anything else why on earth would a group of young people chose centre parcs, the middle class family place, pay extra for everything place as a holiday in august. Makes no sense at all.
I suspect they have not actually looked into it properly. Apart from the pool EVERYTHING costs extra. And is normally fully booked before you arrive anyway.
titchy · 04/04/2021 12:14

@Troublewaters2021

I’m so confused how I am unaware of it when I said NO. I said no as soon as he asked at dinner
Bollocks did you say no straight away. You were thinking about it. That's why you posted. People don't post when they've made perfectly sensible decisions they're happy with.
GuildfordGal · 04/04/2021 12:24

Bollocks did you say no straight away

Confused

I am not sure I feel comfortable with it, he thinks I’m being v unreasonable

Sounds exactly like the OP said no and posted because she was canvassing opinions of whether she was being too harsh.

Original poster
Troublewaters2021 · 04/04/2021 12:31

@titchy I did say no straight away.

He asked at dinner I said no without really thinking and didn’t have time to go through my actual thoughts on it and he left to go upstairs in a strop so we didn’t have a proper chance to discuss things:

After he left and me thinking about is the other set of parents were fine with it I came on here to see if I made the right decision and do also get some clearer thoughts on it as I said he is my first born and I try to do right by him but I do not know everything and sometimes I’m actually a bit to strict on him. He is a really good lad ( has an attitude at times ) but overall has never bought trouble to my door so this is why after I initially said no I looked for reassurance.

I spoke to him this morning about the reasons and how it wasn’t that I didn’t trust him ( I do ) but for all reasons discussed.
I said I will talk to boys mum about alternatives.

A few other pointers. I did have my ds young but I have been by his side the entire way, he is the reason I for my career and I am sick and tired of being judged.
I think it’s disgusting that a groups of friend adults who go on about teenagers behaviours can ridicule someone like that especially the whole rugby / water sports situations.

So because I was a young my 14 year old should not be able to play rugby ? Or go to the water sports centre for sail club / polo both of which cost me less than some mumsnet monthly cost in wine.
It’s insulting and there is absolutely no reason why someone of 29 couldn’t afford their child a yearly rugby membership.

OP posts:
Original poster
Troublewaters2021 · 04/04/2021 12:32

Friend - grown

OP posts:
overnightangel · 04/04/2021 12:49

Not a cat in hell’s chance

jessstan2 · 04/04/2021 12:56

You did the right thing to say, "No", op. I can also understand you mulling it over afterwards and wondering if you had, in fact, made the correct decision. It's called being human. However you were right and your son will get over it. He is only fourteen, still needs some looking after.

I hope you are having a happy day.

yeOldeTrout · 04/04/2021 12:59

95 percent sure they are in a relationship !

I can't make myself feel comfortable with it. No one will be enforcing boundaries I'd like to be kept. 16 I'd say yes fine. 14 & truly just friends, possibly yes but probably not. Not 14 & likely to get up to shennagins.

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