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Original poster

Would you let teen ds go to centre parcs in this situation

298 replies

Troublewaters2021 · 03/04/2021 22:11

Hi

Son is 14 if he can go Centre parcs in august with his boyfriend and boyfriends older brother and friends.

Older brother of boyfriend is 21.

I am not sure I feel comfortable with it, he thinks I’m being v unreasonable.

Back story - his sister has been v sick and there is no chance of having a break this year.
So would be nice for him to get away but are 21 year olds really responsible for 2 14 year old boys.

OP posts:
WetWeekends · 03/04/2021 23:47

@daisypond

What’s the age of consent got to do with it? Why endorse/encourage two children in a romantic relationship to be in a position where their relationship has ample opportunity if not expectation to become sexual?

Why is time at an outdoor activity centre with friend endorsing or encouraging it? Why would you expect it to become sexual? Do you trust your teen? Are they all sensible? Are the grown-ups sensible?

I don’t consider 21 year olds to be grown up, adults yes, but not grown up. I also can’t imagine any 21 year olds wanting to be the bad cop and have strict boundaries for the 14 year olds.
justforthisnow · 03/04/2021 23:48

@me4real

Perfect. Then let him go. Thought you mentioned they were in a relationship, but perhaps it's a platonic one.

@justforthisnow Even if they aren't lovers, I wouldn't be letting 21 year olds on holiday look after them. I was 21 once (and not abnormal in my habits.) Maybe these 21 year olds are teetotal fundamentalist Xtians or something, but best to err on the side of caution, especially if you don't really know them.

I agree completely. Maybe this has been reported, I don't know. Such a strange post.
Howshouldibehave · 03/04/2021 23:49

Your OP is asking if you should let him go, but when everyone has said, ‘no’, you’ve got really defensive and said you’d already said no?!

Why post and ask the question then.

Whenthingsgobumpinthenight · 03/04/2021 23:49

I think it definitely depends on the personalities and people involved.

Today 14 is young but when I was 14 I went to my first nightclub, it was very common place where I grew up, there were even girls younger than me. At 15 my parents “let” me go thinking it was the first time, my friend had already been with her her older cousins so her mum was ok with her going with me and my brother as he’d been picking us up and walking us home from school discos and the movies for years. My parents only let me go on the condition my brother and friends were with me. Admittedly my brother was very immature and an idiot at times, quite a lot of times actually, still is in his 50s, but when it came to watching out for his younger siblings his head was 100% screwed on and he’s suddenly mature. He had been watching out for us and babysitting from probably aged 8 or 9, so in some ways we were use to him always taking care of us. I couldn’t have got into trouble if I wanted to as everywhere I turned either him and his mates were watching me or his girlfriend and her mates. I’m not saying they didn’t let me drink but they made sure I didn’t drink too much and I was ok and didn’t get drunk.

Maybe you should say you will consider the idea but want to meet and talk with both the brother and parents. Your DS may think your being unreasonable but I doubt the other boys parents will.

Original poster
Troublewaters2021 · 03/04/2021 23:49

I should add ( before I do that I said no ) but we do know them very well.
I still said no.

OP posts:
Original poster
Troublewaters2021 · 03/04/2021 23:50

@Howshouldibehave I wasn’t defensive at people saying they wouldn’t.

I was defensive when they started making out I was agreeing with it.

OP posts:
custardbear · 03/04/2021 23:50

Not a chance, likely drinking, sporty boys altogether - IME always crazy antics, and no responsible adult - no chance

justforthisnow · 03/04/2021 23:52

@Troublewaters2021

I should add ( before I do that I said no ) but we do know them very well. I still said no.
Why did you post this? What exactly were you looking for?
IdblowJonSnow · 03/04/2021 23:53

No, definitely not.

Original poster
Troublewaters2021 · 03/04/2021 23:54

@justforthisnow

Teenagers - his my first born, we are at the stage where he is changing and growing up.
I try to be a good mum but I do not know everything. My auto response to him was NO.
When he got a bit stroppy about it and we didn’t really finish the conversation.
He went up to bed.
So I was left thinking about my reasons and was interested on whether I made the right choice. I did.

OP posts:
Mistlewoeandwhine · 03/04/2021 23:54

No way

Cloudyrainsham · 03/04/2021 23:55

I can’t believe you even need to ask!

Absolutely not. My son is 14 and daughter 15. I wouldn’t let either of them go away with anyone without me there. You are legally responsible for your children.

daisypond · 03/04/2021 23:56

But why do the 21-year-olds have to be “bad cops” that will have to enforce boundaries? Everyone agrees the rules before they go, and that’s what they do. Only the OP knows the actual people involved here. Why do people assume they will all be drinking and having sex? That is a limited, outdated?viewpoint. Most young people I know don’t drink, or drink very limited amounts, and don’t have sex at all. It’s often all a bit too Puritan these days.

Shrivelled · 04/04/2021 00:01

Why would a group of 21year olds want 2 14 year olds hanging out with them? The dynamic doesn’t seem right. Fine if it was a big family holiday with adults and parents as well but not how you explained.

ceilingsand · 04/04/2021 00:02

No. It's unsafe.

AIMD · 04/04/2021 00:04

@Shrivelled

Why would a group of 21year olds want 2 14 year olds hanging out with them? The dynamic doesn’t seem right. Fine if it was a big family holiday with adults and parents as well but not how you explained.
Yea I can’t imagine why 21 year olds would want to spend a whole week with 14 year olds. An evening or a day maybe, but a whole week?

There’s quite a development gap between 14 and 21.

justforthisnow · 04/04/2021 00:04

[quote Troublewaters2021]@justforthisnow

Teenagers - his my first born, we are at the stage where he is changing and growing up.
I try to be a good mum but I do not know everything. My auto response to him was NO.
When he got a bit stroppy about it and we didn’t really finish the conversation.
He went up to bed.
So I was left thinking about my reasons and was interested on whether I made the right choice. I did.[/quote]
And this is why I love MN, you made the right call.

amusedbush · 04/04/2021 00:04

When my brother was 14, I was 20 and we used to traipse all over the country going to gigs. I never once bought him alcohol and my parents were fine leaving him and his friends with me. When we were on holiday abroad, I took him off the resort and we wandered ages away and I bought him dinner.

However, a group of 21 year old men is a totally different dynamic. It would be one thing if it was only the older brother as he would be able to supervise them but groups of young men tend to muck about, they'll probably be drinking and the boys will be treated like "one of the lads" with no boundaries.

The sex thing is a red herring for me - I was having sex at that age (far too young, but it didn't scar me for life) and if 14 year olds want to do it, they'll find a way. All you can do on that front is make sure he is informed about safe sex and consent because the only way to ensure he doesn't do it is to lock him in the attic until he's older.

SeaShoreGalore · 04/04/2021 00:04

For a long time Centre Parks was a euphemism for bum sex on Mumsnet.

AIMD · 04/04/2021 00:05

@SeaShoreGalore

For a long time Centre Parks was a euphemism for bum sex on Mumsnet.
Grin what!
GuildfordGal · 04/04/2021 00:06

Perfect. Then let him go. Thought you mentioned they were in a relationship, but perhaps it's a platonic one

A platonic relationship at 14 is quite normal.

CovidCorvid · 04/04/2021 00:06

The older boys will spend the weekend drinking copious amounts of alcohol. Chances are they’re going to be happy to let your ds and friend drink alcohol in the cabin. Are you happy to let him get plastered with only drunk barely adults in charge?

Big fat nope from me!

SeaShoreGalore · 04/04/2021 00:10

Yes. I was disappointed to click on this thread to find everybody being so po faced Grin

jessstan2 · 04/04/2021 00:10

@SeaShoreGalore

For a long time Centre Parks was a euphemism for bum sex on Mumsnet.
I never knew that and I went there with my family years ago. Blimey, Mumsnet is an education.
justforthisnow · 04/04/2021 00:11

@SeaShoreGalore

For a long time Centre Parks was a euphemism for bum sex on Mumsnet.
Only on Friday nights. 😁