To think I could be harming my baby?

[silicageldonoteat]

Long time lurker, occasional poster, name changed for this.

I have a 5 week old baby. After a traumatic delivery my milk was delayed coming in and we ended up readmitted to hospital with weight loss and had to top up with formula.
Since then, I have been breast feeding every 3 hours and topping up with expressed milk or formula if I haven’t managed to express enough.
My little one has only put on 10g in the past few days and is only just back above birthweight. I was hoping that we would be able to move towards EBF but obviously that’s not on the table at the moment. I’m devastated that breastfeeding isn’t working out for us as I’d hoped.
The feed/top up/express cycle is brutal, but I could carry it on if there were light at the end of the tunnel. As it stands, I don’t think there is. I can’t help thinking that my baby would be better off with a mum that wasn’t totally miserable all the time, particularly when trying to breastfeed, who had some time to spend playing/talking/bonding - and that maybe it’s time to stop and switch to full formula. But on the other hand, surely some breast milk is better than none? I feel like whatever I choose is not doing what’s best for them.

Ive been where you are twice and bothered times dropped. THe top ups. I was on a feeding plan and this is what I did.
Breastfeed as much as possible, especially in the early hours. Whenever baby as much as whimpers stick a nipple in their mouth. Top up by the amount you’ve been told,it was 30ml for me, every 3 hours after a breastfeed.
Sleep, eat, drink, lots of skin to skin in the bath on the sofa. Just sit with baby. Let them suck and snooze on a nipple. That increases supply.
Cut out the expressing it’s exhausting, not very effective and in my case it hurt.
Snuggling and feeding is lovely bonding time. Suddenly your supply will increase
Good luck xx
And drink more liquid, much more

Oh OP. This was me. It's brutal. I felt I'd let him down but the reality is he thrived on formula in a way he didn't on the breast. If it helps, he's now 8 and has never missed a day of school through illness.
My daughter was totally different and easy to feed. In hindsight, things I'd wish I'd tried, giving a tiny amount of formula before the breast (I was told offer breast first but he was so hungry my meager offerings made him angry!) And perhaps just deciding on a few feeds a day to double up on rather than all of them.
My friend gave me excellent advice that is while at this age it seems so important, when they are 18months old and eating their third mince pie you wonder why you tortured yourself so much!
You know yourself best. I read all these things from people who didn't leave the house for 10 weeks to breastfeed, pump etc. For me, I need fresh air. I'd have gone insane and ultimately that would have been worse for all of us. Whatever works for you will be the right choice and ignore everyone else because they are not you or your baby

You know what OP? Some people just can’t breastfeed. They don’t like to tell you that but it’s the truth. I just didn’t make sufficient milk. I was brought up in a family where breastfeeding was the norm, my mum breastfed me and my sisters for 2 years, I had absolutely no qualms about it and expected zero issues. It just didn’t happen and I was devastated.

I did the three hourly feeding, pumping etc and nothing. My baby was hungry ALL THE TIME.

I stopped when he was 4 weeks. He’s 8 now.

Exactly the same happened 2nd time too. My body didn’t do it. But my boys are healthy and strong and had no issues being formula fed.

Do what you need to but don’t drive yourself insane like.

It's so difficult when breastfeeding isn't going to plan, but as long as your baby gets fed it's all that matters, honestly. I never even considered formula feeding because I'm from a country with very high breastfeeding rates and I'd never even heard of anyone formula feeding, and that's why I was so shocked when I had my baby and I couldn't feed him properly. We had issues with the latch and my nipples were so sore and bleeding and I was stuck in this cycle of trying to breastfeed, expressing, not sleeping and mostly crying and thinking I'd ruined my life by having a baby. My baby wasn't gaining weight and he was constantly crying. It was incredibly stressful. In the end a HV suggested topping up with formula and it just clicked. My baby stopped crying (well, for the most part anyway, he still liked to scream at night 😅) because he was fed, I was less stressed and felt much better about everything. I combi fed for a few weeks but in the end my nipples were just so sore and the latch was still no good, so I gradually went full formula. No regrets here. My baby thrived and we were all happy. He's 4 now and rarely ill and he's very robust. In the end it turned out he had a lip tie under his top lip which probably caused the feeding issues, but I wasn't bothered about it anymore because it wasn't an issue anymore.

Don't be too hard on yourself OP. Do what works for you both. You can persevere with breastfeeding or give combi feeding a go too. I think you can wean the baby off formula and back onto breast milk if you do it gradually and keep your supply going, if that's what you would like to do. Or just go for formula. There are options. It doesn't have to be a miserable time.

This is exactly what happened to us and it’s awful: I felt like such a failure.

I mixed. Majority formula fed but popped him on the breast at least once a day. I just couldn't make enough and expressing wasn't for me. I wish there wasn't as much judgement around it. We were both a lot happier when we switched to majority formula.

Do whatever feels right for you and follow your mummy instincts.

OP I was you. I went on to breastfeed dd until she was 2. I didn't think I'd make 6 weeks. I had to do the whole feed and top up thing and it's brutal. Personally I am so glad I persisted. Seeing a lactation consultant was a game changer. And kellymom and breastfeeding groups did help too. I believe fed is best but if you want to continue then know there'll be a time you can drop the top ups . Just get the support. Good luck xx

I had a tricky start to BF with my DS and in the end combination fed (initially 50:50, but increased breastfeeding to 75:25 over time). It wasn't what I initially planned but I loved it and I'm so pleased it worked out like that.

All the convenience of BF, baby got lots of breast milk and comfort feeding was great. But also could hand over to DH for a break, DH could help more with rough nights and moving him fully onto bottles at 9 months to start nursery has been easy.

Really do whatever feels right for you, but if a mixture is working don't feel you can't stick with that. Supply is very adaptable so you'll be able to increase or decrease breastfeeds over time to suit you.

Stop expressing right now! It's fucking awful and so much bloody work. You have to extract the milk from you, insert into baby as an entirely separate process and clean everything.

Fed baby, happy mum. Those are the goals.

If I were you, I'd clap baby to my breast for 90% of its waking hours and do bottles every three hours for "top ups". Give it two weeks, then reconsider your position and if breastfeeding isn't pleasant or functional, just stop. Breast may be best but formula is absolutely fine.

Or just FF right now! Or carry on combination feeding forever. I did what you're doing with my first and lasted about a week with all the sodding expressing bullshit. Combi fed for a few weeks, then he "got" breastfeeding.

Thank you for all of your responses.
I’m expressing to try to build/maintain supply - and also so that the top ups could be breastmilk as far as possible. Maybe dropping that would help.
To clarify, I’m feeding as often as they seem to want it - but maximum 3 hourly and the expressing/topping up is 3 hourly or as close to that as possible.
The rational part of my brain knows that formula isn’t going to be an issue but I just feel so guilty and ashamed that I can’t make breastfeeding work.

I mixed fed both of mine and it worked out really well. Both came early-ish (38 weeks) and we’re slow to put on weight so I topped up with formula initially and fell into a mixed feeding routine. It’s so stressful when everyone has a option about your baby’s weight gain (I used to dread the weighing in clinics and felt like a total failure as a mum)
With mixed feeding I stopped formula at 12 months, once solids were well and truly established, but bedtime breastfeeds carried on until just before my DS’s 2nd birthday and until 2.5 yrs for my DD! So for me combining with formula really took the pressure off and let me really enjoy breastfeeding, rather than putting all that pressure on myself.

Oh, and I was never any good at expressing! Tried so hard both times, but some people just don’t produce much via expressing, it’s so different from a baby suckling.

‘Opinion about your baby’s weight gain’ - not option! Give us an edit button Mumsnet!

These early days are so tough and intense OP, you and your baby will find your feet together x

I agree with having her latch on a lot more, from what I read when I was BFing the evening is particularly good for building supply, mine would be on literally all evening. Every three hours sounds like very, very little to me and is probably why your supply is low. x

And having not made enough milk the first time round and watched the poor thing expend more energy trying to get the milk than he received in return, the irony of sitting up with enormous exploding breasts and baby number 2 that couldn't be arsed to wake up to drink it wasn't lost!
We have the awful ideology that you just aren't trying hard enough but I can definitely vouch that some babies are just easier to breastfeed than others and that how you produce milk varies massively

Don't ever feel guilty for feeding your baby. There's such a lot of pressure to breastfeed and that you're somehow not doing it right if you can't do it. Ignore all of it. Just relax, enjoy your baby and feed them however you can. Don't make things more stressful than they need to be.

Congrats op! This is a really difficult time for all mums, and there’s so much social pressure to bf. Have a think about what’s right for you and your baby.

If bf is working, but your supply is low, Combination feeding until you’re ready to stop or supply is up is great. Please don’t stress about it. Baby needs to feed, you need to rest. I personally feel there isn’t enough support and encouragement for combination feeding. It’s a great way to get the best of both worlds.

Have you tried expressing? If bf isn’t working, there are lots of other options.

Feed on demand and don’t get too bogged down by how often they feed ans how much. It’s hard to know if you’re bf how much they’re getting, so just keep offering milk when baby grizzles. Let them take the lead. The weight will go up and you can talk to your health visitor if you’re worried.

Ultimately, I think you may be feeling the baby blues a bit - how is everything going? Are you okay? Are you getting plenty of rest?

You are making breastfeeding work, it doesn't have to be exclusive. Agree with pp suggestion of seeing a lactation consultant. It is hard in the beginning, for me it was one aspect of parenting that got easier as time went on so I hope it is the same for you if it is what you want.

What you’re going through sounds like what happened with my first absolutely exactly. It was heart breaking. We ended up going fully formula after some really shit advice from the dietician (or I’d have continued just expressing and ditched direct feeding)

My second DS is now almost 2 weeks old, I’m exclusively pumping for him. We topped up a tiny bit of formula the first 2 days while my milk came in. I occasionally offer the breast but I’m honestly just a bit shit at getting him to latch! I’m pumping 1200-1300ml of milk a day, and just moving to every 4 hours pumping rather than every 3.

Have you considered moving to exclusively pumping instead? It’s the worst of both worlds in some respects, but absolutely the best of both for us.

Please feel free to DM me if you want any advice re exclusive pumping.

Try not to be hard on yourself, you’re doing amazing and what you’re going through is the absolute pits - there really isn’t much to enjoy about the newborn stage when you have all that feeding stress xx

Not sure that many of the posters on this thread understand how brutal combo- feeding can be. It's a near constant cycle. We were in a similar regime - by the time I had finished a feed, topped up with formula and pumped there was 20 minutes left for me to sleep. This is not good for you or baby.

I found that I only managed to pump about 4 of the 8/9 feeds a day.

I know some who would pump at the same time as feeding - I could never get this to work as DD was a bit of a lazy and easily distractible feeder.

Do you know if your supply is the issue ? In hindsight that was a major part of the problem for us (and was the same through my other two children).

DD was also slow at putting on weight and plateaud so we eventually ended up with a consultant referral, who basically took one look at her and said as long as she didn't loose weight there was nothing to worry about (she is now a normal 7 year old).

I would take each day at a time (I found it easier to commit to the routine of combi feeding one week at a time) and if it impacts your mental health, then switch to formula. You have done an amazing job already!

Oh sending big hugs, it sounds like exactly what I went through with my daughter, and was so so hard. I had a traumatic delivery, then milk didn’t come in quickly then she lost too much weight and we ended up rehospitalised too, then onto a similar regime to you of breastfeeding, expressed topups (and formula at the start while I worked on my supply) every 3hrs, it was absolutely exhausting and nearly broke me. In the end i was lucky that it did work out for us (turns out she had tongue tie so getting that diagnosed and fixed at 6 weeks helped her to feed more efficiently so we slowly cut down the bottle feeds) however I still look back on that time and wonder if I wasn’t so stubborn about sticking it out I might have enjoyed the early weeks and months of motherhood more. I’m now expecting my second baby and am definitely planning to be more laid back about it - now that I have hindsight on the situation I think that my mental health and bond with the baby definitely trumps the benefits of exclusive breastfeeding.

You’ve done an amazing job getting this far and there is absolutely nothing wrong with switching to formula completely, or just giving up the expressing and doing formula topups as required and carrying on with breastfeeding a little longer (but without the pressure).

Good luck and take care - happy to chat on PM if that helps as sounds like we had a really similar situation.

I had helllp syndrome so had a crash c section. Baby was small 5lbs and I really wanted to breastfeed. Like you I was told to wake her every 3 hrs to give milk, with formula top us as I couldn't express. After a month we did 4hrs for 12hrs(night time), 3hrs for 12hrs during day for another month. More breast if needed.

After seeking advice from a lactation expert we decided as baby was stronger we went cold turkey on the top ups and just spent around 3 days (around the 8/9weeks growth spurts) where if she wasn't latched I was either changing a nappy, taking a shower or getting food drink to naturally increase supply. She breastfed for another year then decided she didn't want to anymore.

Now a healthy 5yr old. It can be done but only if you want to and it was really hard work.

I'm in exactly the same position as you are, except DS has a tongue tie which we're waiting to get snipped. I'm also on exactly the same feeding schedule, but I've been allowing cluster feeding at the breast in between times too...which isn't working for whatever reason. I've accepted I'll have to fully switch to formula soon. It's not what I planned and I'd like to keep some breast milk going because bit comforts him, but it is what it is.

We've been giving 60ml every 3 hours with a top up of 30ml, plus breast whenever he wants. Pumping isn't working. But at the end of the day, he's healthy on formula and it's so much better than the underweight and unhappy boy I had before. Both my son and your baby have had some breastmilk and the all important colostrum - give yourself a break.

You are doing really well silicage. I had some problems with mine at first who took a long time to put on weight; I seemed to be always attached to the pump or feeding. Eventually I did combined feeding and after a while, exclusively bottle fed.

Like you I felt demoralised and terribly sad but none of it was my fault, I really did my best and my child thrived!

You are doing your best and your baby will be fine. You will also feel better before long.

Please try not to worry too much and take good care of yourself.

I had a similar experience and after 3 weeks combi fed my DD2. I didn't put her on the breast but instead pumped around 5x a day and FF once or twice. As time went on I did less pumping and increased the FF. By 9 weeks she was fully FF. I was proud of this and had no guilt about switching as she was happy, had had lots of breast milk, slept well and I tried my best.

I’d also echo posters who have said

1. a year down the line nobody gives a shit how you fed

2. read the guilt free bottle feeding book (available on kindle). That helped me enormously!