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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is rude? Friends not replying to invite

210 replies

Weareunloved · 03/04/2021 18:24

I know this sort of stuff has been done before.

I've moved house recently and nobody's seen it yet. With the better weather and rule of 6 I've invited a group of friends for a BBQ at mine, in 2 weeks' time. Invite was sent Thursday, read by all on WhatsApp and nobody's replied.
I understand if they are busy but surely you'd message to at least say so?
I know some are on furlough ATM, most don't work weekends and only 1 has a kid.

Just pretty upset tbh, plus we haven't seen each other in months. See all these groups of people meeting in the park now and I feel sad.

OP posts:
earthyfire · 04/04/2021 19:17

It's rude...they either know if they can or can't come. I know in two weeks time I am free therefore, I'd reply that I could attend. Why make the host wait until the last minute which is not helpful at all?

Nigglenaggle · 04/04/2021 19:28

Maybe they don't feel comfortable. Maybe they already had plans and are waiting to see what they can do. Be patient

Ritpetit · 04/04/2021 19:31

Ghost them and move on. Maybe they are jealous you moved away and made a new life, happened to me. I married again after being widowed. Very lucky to find a lovely man, others cooled off. Who cares not me .

Earthakitty · 04/04/2021 19:37

I'm getting married in the summer, and have sent out invitation cards. A very old friend did not even bother to respond and against my fiancé's advice I actually phoned her because we need numbers ( we are limited to guests ) . She said she and her husband were coming so I've added her but she's done this kind of thing before.....she never ever picks up when I call her and doesn't reply to texts.
My fiancd is furious that I keep persevering with her. He says she's rude and ignorant and doesn't deserve my friendship.
We've been friends for 30 years and used to share a house....we have lots of history and I'm fond of her and don't want to burn bridges.
AIBU ?

EL8888 · 04/04/2021 19:56

Rude. If they are busy and / or don’t fancy it then fine. But not RSVPing is rude

Melm22 · 04/04/2021 20:15

I've been inundated with invites to catch up with people and follow rule of six, however I am prioritising family first.

I've missed them so much and I'm in touch with my friends via WhatsApp practically daily.......
However I'm not so rude as to not respond to the group message, just to say I've got plans with family Smile

Hankunamatata · 04/04/2021 20:23

They are probably trying to work out how to say no without being offensive. I wouldnt be happy that be able to maintain 2 meters social distance and going into house to use toilet. Plus we are supposed to be staying local

GreenShadow · 04/04/2021 20:30

No way should they be driving that far at the moment. You are still meant to stay local.

Chloe1973 · 04/04/2021 21:23

That is not nice and I would definitely feel the same way. It takes no time at all just to type received and thanks - I will let you know. Smh sorry that this has happened

Painauchocolat189 · 04/04/2021 22:08

Agreed, it's an invitation to a BBQ not an invitation to elope to another country. Why so much time needed to deliberate and muse over something so simple and mundane?

Painauchocolat189 · 04/04/2021 22:09

If somebody (excluding genuine mental health issues) finds it such an ordeal to decide whether they'll attend a BBQ or not then I despair.

jessstan2 · 04/04/2021 23:06

@Painauchocolat189

If somebody (excluding genuine mental health issues) finds it such an ordeal to decide whether they'll attend a BBQ or not then I despair.
Presumably it's because of the journey involved, they are weighing up whether it is worth the effort to travel so far for a socially distanced barbecue outdoors. Maybe they have to persuade their partner or park their children somewhere. There could be all sorts of reasons but the invitation was only issued three days ago so what's the problem?
Mamanyt · 04/04/2021 23:33

Well, maybe a TEENY bit unreasonable, if you did not add please RSVP to the invitation. If you did not, then go back with a "Hey, guys, please let me know if you will be there, I need to get my supply list together."

Newmum3200 · 05/04/2021 07:31

Yanbu, it is rude not to reply BUT it is bad timing. You send it right at the beginning of the easter weekend. I’ve got message threads that started on Thursday that I will reply to today. And I have thought ‘must reply to that message’ but haven’t fully decided on what i’m going to say yet.

The other thing is.. an hour (and especially an hour and a half) is a very long way to drive to sit in the garden.. what if its raining? Its literally snowing here today. April is a bit unpredictable to plan an outdoor event with people travelling so far.

I would maybe follow up with ‘has anyone got any views? Do you think it would be safer to see what the weather is going to be like, or push it to may or June?’

Good luck 🤞

gerispringer · 05/04/2021 07:40

I think this long weekend people are catching up with family and nearby friends for a quick outdoor meet-up. If they haven’t answered by Wednesday send a reminder. iF still no reply, just cancel or postpone till June .

Billandben444 · 05/04/2021 07:41

OP, please get back to us when there's an update - did anyone reply? Are you still mates?

Itsalonghaul · 05/04/2021 07:51

It is very rude.

And no I don't think you should be wasting your time with people that do not care for your feelings or manners.

I would leave it op, and if they come back to you just reply that you have made other plans now. I would start spending time with other friends, and stop inviting them to anything now. If they are real friends they will b be in touch, and if they are not - well you saved yourself a lot of time, money and aggravation!

Itsalonghaul · 05/04/2021 07:56

Definitely seen more shoddy behaviour since the lockdown, some might be understandable if they are grieving or suffering MH problems, others less so.

I wonder if they are closer to each other than they are to you op, perhaps you are not aware even of that and as such you are the outsider in the group? Otherwise I would have picked up the phone by now to one of the friends I was closest to.

JMR185 · 05/04/2021 09:27

I think it's rude and hurtful but don't take it personally as they're probably only worried about the weather.

Zucker · 05/04/2021 10:41

This is the second time this group have done this to you.

It may be time to re-evaluate what you're getting from this circle of friends.

CorianderBee · 06/04/2021 02:23

Yeah, they just don't want to come tbh.

jessstan2 · 06/04/2021 09:29

I don't know that having a barbecue or anything outside in April is a good idea to put forward. It might be a nice day of course but if it is cold and pours with rain, what happens? That may explain the hesitation, also that only four people are invited (is that two couples or four singles?).

Waiting a while to see if Covid restrictions are eased sufficiently to have a proper indoor party with more people might be a better option. Or having a meet up somewhere; having said that I realise op wants to show them her new place but are others really that interested in new flats and houses?

I expect she will hear back from them today.

Loveisthehope · 06/04/2021 10:44

I don't get all the 'they're waiting for a better offer' rubbish, what, on some random Thursday in April, all six of them? Ignore that. I think everyone is just feeling a bit weird right now, I've organised a couple of things in my garden but very on the proviso that the weather is ok and will postpone if not.

HUCKMUCK · 06/04/2021 10:55

I think it’s rude. It doesn’t take more than half a minute to reply ‘Thanks for the invite, can I confirm in a few days when I’ve checked calendars/work/whatever else’

SquizzaMama · 06/04/2021 10:58

Also think it’s rude to not reply within a day or so. You’re either free or you aren’t, quite simple!

I’d pop another message on just casually chasing a response saying you understand if people would prefer to leave meet ups for a while, but that you’d like to know so you can plan appropriately.

Good luck!