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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think this is rude? Friends not replying to invite

210 replies

Weareunloved · 03/04/2021 18:24

I know this sort of stuff has been done before.

I've moved house recently and nobody's seen it yet. With the better weather and rule of 6 I've invited a group of friends for a BBQ at mine, in 2 weeks' time. Invite was sent Thursday, read by all on WhatsApp and nobody's replied.
I understand if they are busy but surely you'd message to at least say so?
I know some are on furlough ATM, most don't work weekends and only 1 has a kid.

Just pretty upset tbh, plus we haven't seen each other in months. See all these groups of people meeting in the park now and I feel sad.

OP posts:
mn81987 · 03/04/2021 19:52

Ultimately it doesn't matter if people on here think it'll be too cold, or if they'd postpone it till July, or even if the friends were nervous, the fact is it's highly rude of them not to even acknowledge the invite.

katy1213 · 03/04/2021 19:54

I wouldn't travel for an hour and a half. Why don't you invite some local friends with the provision that you'll reschedule if it's cold/raining?
But it's rude of them not to reply. I'd give them another couple of days and then consider them 'dis-invited.'

LowlandLucky · 03/04/2021 19:54

They are waiting to see if they get a better offer. Rude

ElderMillennial · 03/04/2021 19:56

It is a long way to travel for a bbq during covid because they would inevitably need to use the bathroom or something so it won't be a strictly outdoor Social distanced meeting

mn81987 · 03/04/2021 19:59

But none of that stops them from replying even if it's to say they can't make it!

Feelinglikearubbishmum · 03/04/2021 20:00

I’d wait a little longer, two days to not have replied isn’t that bad, in my opinion. I’d probably give it until the middle of next week. It’s Easter weekend and all a bit busy for many, with just coming out of lockdown etc. I honestly wouldn’t take two days to reply to heart, many of mine can take days, they all have kids so some even forget and are pretty much like this with everyone 🙈I’m really organised as a person so generally don’t forget and reply almost as soon as I see it, but I’ve learnt not everyone’s line that and not to take it to heart, Also, driving 1.5 hrs would be really pretty far for me 🙈that’s like a real planned out day & night and they couldn’t drink etc if driving? I honestly wouldn’t take it personally

Feelinglikearubbishmum · 03/04/2021 20:01

Agree with other posters though, they should reply, even if it’s to say they can’t or thank you and they’ll get back to you as soon as possible etc.

Newgirls · 03/04/2021 20:02

They won’t be able to drink and drive so it’s perhaps a little tricky?

They should reply and talk to you about it though

Agh it’s so weird at the moment - maybe focus on local friends who will find it easier to attend

Ihatemyseleffordoingthis · 03/04/2021 20:04

"It's so strange the idea (paraphrasing from other replies) that you should expect people to mull it over, personally come to terms with the invitation, then engage in therapy for a few hours to determine whether you might want to go to a get together or not. Is this what we can expect post Covid?"

And this is why we've had a mental health pandemic and chronic debilitating stigma attached to it for the last god knows how many years.

jessstan2 · 03/04/2021 20:06

@Aprilx

It has only been a couple of days if that. To be honest I would be mulling over whether I want to commit to drive 1.5 hours to sit or stand in somebody’s garden too. I would also think you are being a bit hasty organising something so soon, in the same way that I found it concerning that the minute restrictions lessen, public places have been mobbed.
I feel the same way. I think the op will receive replies to her invitation on Tuesday and Wednesday which is soon enough.
Bagamoyo1 · 03/04/2021 20:07

@Dagnabit

I think the rule of 6 still only allows 2 households mixing so if it’s a varied group of friends then it’s technically not allowed. Maybe they are adhering to the rules. Although, a quick message to say so wouldn’t go amiss!
I believe it’s 2 households OR 6 people.
DarkishBlue · 03/04/2021 20:08

Well it is a bit rude of them, but I have to say, I wouldn't do a three hour round trip to stand in a garden for a bit, not drinking

Yeah that's me. I wouldn't even do that for family. I'd leave it another 4 weeks till it's warmer and you can sit indoors if it rains.

Bagamoyo1 · 03/04/2021 20:08

Oops sorry, already been clarified.

Ihatemyseleffordoingthis · 03/04/2021 20:09

there is the general principle and the specific instance and they are different.

General principle - it's rude not to acknowledge an invitation at all but there is no set etiquette for how long it should take, IMO.

Specific instance
It's still Covid, and some people are struggling
There are probably mixed opinions on whether a bbq a 3 hour round trip away in April is a fabulous idea, or not.
OPs mates have got form for this kind of thing
OP remembers this their previous form makes her more agitated about getting a prompt response.

IMO, it's not rude YET, given the circs.

SheldonesqueIsAlmostHuman · 03/04/2021 20:10

Rude not to reply.

BungleandGeorge · 03/04/2021 20:10

If you wanted a quick response I would have text or phoned. Whatsapp and email are for non urgent chat, if you’d given out paper invitations you’d give at least a week rsvp. It would be rude not to respond to you second message

ButtonMoonLoon · 03/04/2021 20:14

To be honest they probably don’t quite know what to say.
We’re still in the midst of a pandemic. Yes there’s the two household/ rule of six rule but my understanding of the position at the moment is that we are being encouraged to ‘Stay Local’ unless travelling to specialist medical appointments or getting access to support.

1AngelicFruitCake · 03/04/2021 20:16

Is your boyfriend part of the meet up? I personally don’t like meeting up with a person with their partner when I’m on my own or a small group snd just one partner - it just changes the dynamic.

If not, I think it’s rude not to reply but my heart would sink at this request just because I’m tentatively doing things but I’d find sitting with 5 other people a bit full on after seeing so little of people and taking few risks. I wouldn’t want to hurt your feelings by saying that. You can’t exactly say ‘I’m busy’ so what do you say?

Umbivalent · 03/04/2021 20:16

Agree with @ButtonMoonLoon - they're probably feeling a bit awkward about not wanting to come. No-one wants to be the first to say it.

Roadtohades · 03/04/2021 20:19

I know how you feel, OP. I'm waiting for several replies to an invitation I sent out (and also a thank you for a birthday present hand delivered) and it's VERY irritating!

mn81987 · 03/04/2021 20:24

@ButtonMoonLoon Matt Hancock said himself that you can travel as far as you want as long as don't stay overnight.

LostInABlizzard · 03/04/2021 20:29

I think they are all waiting to see what the others will say and no-one wants to be the first to say "yes" in case it ends up being just you and them.

MsSquiz · 03/04/2021 20:35

If they're anything like me, I'm rubbish! I read a message to see if it's urgent and when it's not I think "oh, I'll reply later/tomorrow" and can totally forget.

In fact, your post here has reminded me to reply to 2 friends who messaged on Thursday.

Wineiscooling · 03/04/2021 20:36

It's rude not to reply either way. If they don't want to come either way they should just say so. I would send a follow up message "Hi, what are your thoughts for BBQ that weekend? If you can't make it, no pressure , I just need to know so I can plan either way."

drpet49 · 03/04/2021 20:40

Yep rude. They are either:

-Waiting for a better offer

  • Seeing who else in the group is going then making a decision whether to come or not
-Thinking of an excuse why they can’t come