To think this is rude? Friends not replying to invite

[Weareunloved]

I know this sort of stuff has been done before.

I've moved house recently and nobody's seen it yet. With the better weather and rule of 6 I've invited a group of friends for a BBQ at mine, in 2 weeks' time. Invite was sent Thursday, read by all on WhatsApp and nobody's replied.
I understand if they are busy but surely you'd message to at least say so?
I know some are on furlough ATM, most don't work weekends and only 1 has a kid.

Just pretty upset tbh, plus we haven't seen each other in months. See all these groups of people meeting in the park now and I feel sad.

[Weareunloved]

Sent another one saying i can postpone it till it's warmer if not, so will see if that gets any replies.

[choppet]

That's rude, even if they just said let me get back to you

[Weareunloved]

It is rude, I'm surprised that posters would be so ok with no reply at all.

[Randomname85]

I would be really upset.

[Weareunloved]

I've had one reply woohoo

[Lancrelady80]

It's only Saturday. They could be busy doing things like checking out weather, mulling over how they feel about it, working out how to reply etc. If they've got to drive an hour or more and are on furlough, they could be working out if they can afford to.

I just think it's a bit early to be so upset you haven't had replies yet. Are you used to people replying in a very short time frame? I wouldn't even be beginning to think about people responding until Mon at the earliest, although agree it might have been nice to have had a response along the lines of thanks for the invite, will let you know.

Interesting though that this has happened with them before.

[3orangekissesfromkazan]

saying..?

[Weareunloved]

Yeah maybe I'm expecting too much but still think it's rude.
One replied saying they'll come when households can mix indoors which is totally understandable.

[Vinto]

When you say you're all within an hour, are you the furthest out from the others? There's a difference between the others living in varying towns/villages around each other, and you being further out.

[Mosaic123]

I think it's very rude, and upsetting for you. I think they could have replied "How lovely! I will confirm one way or the other in a day or two" if I wasn't sure.

[Weareunloved]

We're all quite spread out, couple of us within the city and a few within suburbs.

[Ihatemyseleffordoingthis]

I think in normal times it would be rude.

At the moment, I think people have still got a lot to deal with on so many levels.

For me I know I am still processing and dealing with the effects of the past year on my mental health. I'm not sure I'm ready to socialise like that, though I would appreciate the invitation. It's not the kind of thing that I want to bring up over a group chat.

[SecretEaterer]

@Ihatemyseleffordoingthis

I think in normal times it would be rude.

At the moment, I think people have still got a lot to deal with on so many levels.

For me I know I am still processing and dealing with the effects of the past year on my mental health. I'm not sure I'm ready to socialise like that, though I would appreciate the invitation. It's not the kind of thing that I want to bring up over a group chat.

That's true. In our group of friends there's a few people desperate to get out and socialise ASAP, and a few of us who have turned inward and become quite anxious and hermit like. And a couple with underlying health issues who have said that they won't be venturing out until they've had the first jab.

What also came up in conversation was that a few of us have put on a shit ton of weight during lockdown and are dreading being seen/socialising because of it!

[FightingTheFoo]

I actually think the issue is sending the invite in the group. Not that you did anything wrong - I just think that kind of thing weirdly brings out the bullies in people.

I'd message them individually to see if they're coming.

[NeedaLittleNap]

Not sure where you are but here we are meant to be staying local. A 1.5hr drive to somewhere I shouldn't be going indoors for the loo - it would be a no from me. If they are thinking similar, or weighing up the rules, or unsure because of the weather, they may well all be waiting for someone else to reply first.

Lockdown is weird, it'll take a while to get our social lives up and running again and lots of people are struggling with talking to people. Try not to take it personally.

[WineWank]

I must admit I'm kind of looking forward to seeing people but I'm also very anxious about it.

I've put on a stone since I last saw people too, my fucking clothes don't fit, and my mental health is in the toilet thanks to various lockdown shit.

I'll be more comfortable when we can just meet for a few casual drinks in the local beer garden. And when I've lost at least half a stone. And when I've had my vaccine.

[Bagamoyo1]

It’s rude of them not to reply. But I’ll be honest, if I got a message like that my heart would sink. I’ve been freezing today and I’d just think “oh no, I really don’t fancy freezing to death in someone’s garden, I wonder if others feel the same”. I’d want to delay replying in the hope that someone else would raise the issue first. I would have replied there and then though, because I hate it when people ignore messages. But I’d have made an excuse not to go.

[Georgyporky]

I wouldn't do a 3-hour round trip for that, but I'd certainly politely decline.

You could always invite your new neighbours instead.

[RampantIvy]

It's rude not to reply or even acknowledge the invitation.

I agree. Anyone on here who thinks it isn't rude needs to learn some good manners.

Given that these "friends" did this to you last year as well I think it is time you ditched them for some better friends. I'm sorry they are so thoughtless.

[TheFiend]

Did you do a thread about them last year when you wanted them to meet your dp? If it’s the same group of people, I not sure why you’re still making an effort with them. If I remember correctly, they did exactly the same thing last year.

[Dagnabit]

I think the rule of 6 still only allows 2 households mixing so if it’s a varied group of friends then it’s technically not allowed. Maybe they are adhering to the rules. Although, a quick message to say so wouldn’t go amiss!

[Mindthesheep]

So surprised that most on here think people should reply straight away to a text invite. Yes it takes 10 secs to type but perhaps they are giving it some thought, and putting that into a text is not always easy.

Just because you are happy to meet for food and drink in group, given the last year, some may need to have a think about driving for over an hour and to sit in a group outside in April.

My friend invited me out for a coffee following first lockdown and it took me a few days to get my mindset into 'going out' due to being clinically vulnerable. I would hate to be judged so harshly because I didn't reply straight away. I wasn't dumped, explained was 50/50 for a few days, and couldn't initially decide and thanks great idea, would love to meet and we went out. No big drama. Still friends.

Perhaps offering a bit of flexibility may be well received by your friends instead of being dropped because they didn't reply quick enough for you.

[JovialNickname]

I would send a follow up message saying you need to know for sure, one way or the other, by x date - so that you can invite others to meet the rule of 6.

I think it sounds lovely OP. I would crawl over broken glass to eat a burger in a bun at someone else's house, so I'm available if your horrible friends are not

[Dagnabit]

Actually ignore me, I’ve just read that it’s 6 from different households or more if only from 2 households!

[TheBullfinch]

I think its rude that they haven't replied but I also think you're inviting them to events they're not keen to attend.

Has there been a general discussion about getting together when it warms up?

If not, Why not chat /whatsapp them all instead and talk about what people would like to do when the weather's better, in a gentle unpressured way? See what suggestions come up.