Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is rude? Friends not replying to invite

210 replies

Weareunloved · 03/04/2021 18:24

I know this sort of stuff has been done before.

I've moved house recently and nobody's seen it yet. With the better weather and rule of 6 I've invited a group of friends for a BBQ at mine, in 2 weeks' time. Invite was sent Thursday, read by all on WhatsApp and nobody's replied.
I understand if they are busy but surely you'd message to at least say so?
I know some are on furlough ATM, most don't work weekends and only 1 has a kid.

Just pretty upset tbh, plus we haven't seen each other in months. See all these groups of people meeting in the park now and I feel sad.

OP posts:
JovialNickname · 03/04/2021 19:27

It's so strange the idea (paraphrasing from other replies) that you should expect people to mull it over, personally come to terms with the invitation, then engage in therapy for a few hours to determine whether you might want to go to a get together or not. Is this what we can expect post Covid?

Mumdiva99 · 03/04/2021 19:28

The rule of 6 is for up to 6 separate people or 2 households - so my family (5) can meet with my b-i-l family (also 5) so there would be 10 but we are within the guidelines. Or I can meet 5 friends each from a different household.

Also you are allowed to use the toilet in a friends house - it is in the guidelines.

Bearnecessity · 03/04/2021 19:28

Rude....I sent emails to two friends at Xmas neither of whom replied until 5 weeks later....both completely ignoring invite to Zoom. Lovely. Just acknowledge you've been communicated with them never mind accepting the invite.

hellcatspangle · 03/04/2021 19:29

Suspect they are all waiting for the others to reply first! It's really annoying isn't it? I'd be so delighted to be invited to a bbq!

jessstan2 · 03/04/2021 19:29

I do not 'get' how it is rude not to reply to an invitation sent two days ago for a proposed event two weeks ago. You will receive replies but to expect them so quickly is odd. I'd give them a week. Your friends are probably working out arrangements, etc, some may already have commitments which they may or may not cancel. They will come back to you but this is the 'Easter weekend' and no doubt they are busy.

ElderMillennial · 03/04/2021 19:30

I was also going to say did you ask for a reply or for a reply by a certain date? They might be working out whther they can / want to go

RampantIvy · 03/04/2021 19:32

So surprised that most on here think people should reply straight away to a text invite.

I'm surprised you are surprised. It is rude to ignore an invitation. If you aren't sure whether you can attend then just message back to say "thank you for the invitation can I let you know nearer the time".

Making people hang on until the last minute for a reply gives the impression that you are waiting for a better offer to come along. It's only two weeks away, not two months.

Jaxhog · 03/04/2021 19:33

@UserTwice

If the invitation is not for another 2 weeks, I wouldn't necessarily expect a reply within 2 days. Did you say you wanted to know by x date? I think it's a bit early to get annoyed.
I dont get this. Do most people wait until the last minute in case they get a better offer? Personally, I think this is really rude.
Idontgiveagriffindamn · 03/04/2021 19:33

@SecretEaterer

Hmm. 2 things come to mind:

It's still going to be pretty cold. Maybe they're not keen on the idea but don't know how to say so politely without pissing on your chips. Tbh I was a bit Confused when a friend suggested a picnic on the 17th. It's still meant to be cold even in the south east. I think 12 degrees is forecasted.

Or

They don't feel comfortable socialising outside of bubbles yet, even outside. A couple of my friends with vulnerable family members have said they won't be doing such things until they're vaccinated.

I’d have said it’s probably this. Especially if they don’t have access to a toilet and are travelling an hour plus. I’d be worried about that.
peachhouses · 03/04/2021 19:34

@jessstan2

I do not 'get' how it is rude not to reply to an invitation sent two days ago for a proposed event two weeks ago. You will receive replies but to expect them so quickly is odd. I'd give them a week. Your friends are probably working out arrangements, etc, some may already have commitments which they may or may not cancel. They will come back to you but this is the 'Easter weekend' and no doubt they are busy.
It would be polite to say ‘thanks for the invitation, will get back to you when we know what we’re doing!’

I’m not buying the idea that anyone is too ‘busy’ to text. No one is too busy to type out a sentence and hit send. It takes less than a minute

Alreadyinmypyjamas · 03/04/2021 19:35

OP, I don't think they want to be friends anymore. The entire group has done this twice now. That's more than being rude; it's cruel.

Concentrate on people that actually want to spend time with you.

Helenluvsrob · 03/04/2021 19:36

I ain’t booking anything in advance. Right now mixing 6 different households in a garden is allowed but I’m not up for it. I might be by then. Also I’m fed up of looking forward to stuff that doesn’t happen

Steptoeshorse1965 · 03/04/2021 19:37

May be a bit early just yet, but perhaps their priorities don't lie with you? I don't mean that unkindly, but some folk are just a bit selfish.

crimsonlake · 03/04/2021 19:37

I imagine they are sitting on the message as they do not know how to decline your offer.
It is a long way to come, sit in someones garden and I am assuming not to be able to have an alcoholic drink.

Nanny0gg · 03/04/2021 19:37

@SecretEaterer

Hmm. 2 things come to mind:

It's still going to be pretty cold. Maybe they're not keen on the idea but don't know how to say so politely without pissing on your chips. Tbh I was a bit Confused when a friend suggested a picnic on the 17th. It's still meant to be cold even in the south east. I think 12 degrees is forecasted.

Or

They don't feel comfortable socialising outside of bubbles yet, even outside. A couple of my friends with vulnerable family members have said they won't be doing such things until they're vaccinated.

Doesn't stop them answering
RampantIvy · 03/04/2021 19:37

@Helenluvsrob

I ain’t booking anything in advance. Right now mixing 6 different households in a garden is allowed but I’m not up for it. I might be by then. Also I’m fed up of looking forward to stuff that doesn’t happen
So, why wouldn't you tell someone that instead of just ignoring them?
MixedUpFiles · 03/04/2021 19:41

I would think this is a case of people not knowing how to reply. Just because the event is allowed does not mean people are comfortable attending. We have been turning down invites quite firmly because I’ve just accepted that people think we are unreasonable at this point, but none of them have to live with the reality of our particular health situation so I no longer care. Not everyone has developed quite as thick of a skin over the last year and they feel bad turning down invites they don’t feel are safe.

DarkDarkNight · 03/04/2021 19:43

Rude not to reply but I wouldn’t travel 1.5 hours to stand in someone’s garden for a barbecue. They won’t even be able to look around your house.

Just because 6 can meet doesn’t mean everyone is comfortable with people from 6 different households meeting. You’re not meant to be going into other people’s houses so what are people meant to do if it rains or they need on the toilet?

Umbivalent · 03/04/2021 19:44

Well it is a bit rude of them, but I have to say, I wouldn't do a three hour round trip to stand in a garden for a bit, not drinking.

Parkerwhereareyou · 03/04/2021 19:45

I guess they're thinking about it, but it's unfortunate that they are all thinking about it and nobody is answering. I'm sorry, OP. I'll come to your bbq : ) xx

Aprilx · 03/04/2021 19:46

It has only been a couple of days if that. To be honest I would be mulling over whether I want to commit to drive 1.5 hours to sit or stand in somebody’s garden too. I would also think you are being a bit hasty organising something so soon, in the same way that I found it concerning that the minute restrictions lessen, public places have been mobbed.

WineWank · 03/04/2021 19:46

@Umbivalent

Well it is a bit rude of them, but I have to say, I wouldn't do a three hour round trip to stand in a garden for a bit, not drinking.
That's true actually. They won't be able to look around the new house, and they won't be able to have a drink if they'll need to drive.

I wouldn't be particularly up for that, plus the cold. It was bloody freezing today. 1.5 hrs is a long way to drive to be cold and sober for the day.

Confusedandshaken · 03/04/2021 19:46

I think you are being hasty. Give it until next Thursday and if they still haven't responded text again.

diddl · 03/04/2021 19:49

Perhaos they are getting in touch with each other to see who is going?

It's Easter weekend, I probably wouldn't reply yet.

LlamaDrama20 · 03/04/2021 19:50

I think it's a bit rude, but in the current circumstances understandable.

Now we can meet up, a lot of people are rushing to organise things, but they don't always sound like that much fun. We're getting together with another couple for a birthday tea tomorrow, but we only pencilled in the date with a 'keep free' agreeing to finalise it once we knew what the weather was going to be like.
I get cold really quickly, and sitting outside for hours wrapped in blankets isn't my idea of fun!