Husband sent a little too much money to his parents

[faithfulbird20]

Okay so I gave birth almost 5 weeks ago.

I've kinda been using up the cupboards since haven't been able to go shopping. Husband took me shopping almost 2 weeks ago and was like will it be done in 10-12 pounds and I was like omg. This week everything ran out and we didn't have basic things like bread etc. He sent 150 pounds to his parents abroad and I got quite angry saying why did you send 150 when normally u send 110-120. Plus the exchange rate in currency was quite high so he didn't need to.

DH and I had a full blown argument and he said so what if I sent it. I earn 2 grand a month and I can send it, it's not your money blah blah blah. When we got pregnant he didn't want me to work and we agreed I'd be a Sahm. I feel quite tired from arguing but AIBU to be angry about it?

THIS IS A ZOMBIE THREAD PEOPLE

It was reactivated by @Pollypocket2021 who was clearly looking for a post that resonated with her experience to help her.

Stop advising the original OP - they are long gone!!!!

He was happy to use up all my savings ... I don't have access to money

Oh dear

It sounds as if there's a cultural aspect here; if so, are you both from the same one?
Anyway I agree with most PPs that the only thing is to return to work and keep your own bank account - I doubt it'll happen though, at least while you're together

Oh god, sorry Balonziaga - didn't twig

You only EVER become agree to be a SAHM if you have joint bank accounts with all household money going into one pot including wages, child benefits etc with any savings being joint as well.

Why people make the massive, lifetime commitment to share a child but not money is beyond me!

@AnyFucker

Being a SAHM with no access to money with this man ?

Big mistake. Huge.

This.

He fears and respects his mother more than he takes responsibility for his partner and child.

You are doomed to being his servant who doesn't get for your basic needs and you with be told to be grateful for it. This is financial abuse.

I doubt it will get better because the red flag is him saying its HIS money to do with as HE pleases and you need permission for ANYTHING beyond what he has sanctioned (whilst he can send extra to his parents). Its not your household money in his eyes.

That leaves you vulnerable and dependant and thats what he likes.

Go back to work asap, even if he tries to stop you or says you can't afford it. You can't afford NOT to.

This relationship isn't good unless he makes some major changes and I can't see that happening.

Be mindful of the position you are in and how you are vulnerable.

@faithfulbird20 - you need to go back to work. You cannot rely on this man.

You're in a controlling, financially abusive relationship if you don't have access to money and get no say.

Look into childcare, tell him he'll be paying his share and doing his share of the drop offs and pick ups because you're going back to work as soon as your maternity pay runs out. You need to protect yourself.

He isn't a big earner, that's a large proportion of his salary to be sending to his parents even if he had debts with them. I don't understand why he's paying them money anyway if it isn't debts, particularly when you are on mat leave?? Doesn't sound good for you having no access to money, I'd suggest returning to work sooner than planned and each paying half the childcare bill. He needs to stop giving money away when he hasn't much to give.

ZOMBIE THREAD
🧟‍♀️

@Piggy42

No. Another poster resurrected it because she is in the same situation and wants help. Most of he recent replies are to her.

I’m in a similar situation too. Never thought I’d be. Did you come up with a solution ?

I’d be rethinking sahm if I was you….