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Original poster

New partner into things sexually that I’m not

183 replies

Mustardsocks · 03/04/2021 09:59

New partner keeps asking me about role play and BDSM stuff. I’m not into that kind of thing at all and it creeps me out (not shaming or judging anyone that does, it’s just not my thing) I prefer just normal sex, I like different positions etc and a few other things, but I guess I’m pretty vanilla when it comes to sex.

Not sure what I’m asking really, but I guess we may not be sexually compatible?

OP posts:
deeplyambivalent · 03/04/2021 17:12

@Thewiseoneincognito oh yes, had to do the uniform bit too. Rather icky when it's an actual teacher.

Livelovebehappy · 03/04/2021 17:20

Someone who is into this will always want it as part of their sex life. If you say no, and continue with the relationship, there’s a strong chance he will find someone on the side, behind your back, to fulfil that need. So before you get too attached to him, I would move on.

PusheenLove · 03/04/2021 17:21

[quote Mustardsocks]@Workinghardeveryday he said that’s fine, then brought it up again a few weeks later. It’s like dropping hints all the time.[/quote]
Red flag. He's trying to erode your boundaries.

Parkerwhereareyou · 03/04/2021 17:22

Thanks for all the replies. The most disturbing comment he made that creeped me out was that he was ‘interested’ in brother/sister role play. It’s a big turn off for me. I told him in no uncertain terms that it was too much and it actually creeped me out.

Say what now???!!!!!! Ok ok I take back my previous post!!! No don't try it!!

Bloody hell. You should have said that at the start. It's certainly a no from me then! Yes let him jog right on!! And he has sisters .......?!!!!! 😱

Sexboardsafename · 03/04/2021 17:31

Ok I thought he was getting a hard time generally from the group till I read exactly what his kink was and that he has 2 sisters. Yeah that would be a hard no from me too!

ChristmasFluff · 03/04/2021 17:32

As someone who happily is into BDSM - it has nothing to do with stuff to do with family members.

This is not about you being 'vanilla'. It's to do with you being turned off by men who fantisise about family members.

Personally, I'd dump his hass cos I can't satisfy that shit. Biut you do you.- and make it clear any relationship depends on him ditching the fantasy. I would not be happy with going along with such fantasies. And I am happy with re-enacting many, many fantasies that hurt no-one.

His is not one of them

TolkiensFallow · 03/04/2021 19:59

I’m very into BDSM and I’ve NEVER come across incest in our world.

It’s not BDSM. It’s him imagining you’re his sister when he fucks you. He’s already doing this by the way.

Jangle33 · 03/04/2021 20:11

I am incredibly open minded about sex. Group/BDSM etc all good. But honestly brother/sister...alarm bells!!! Tell him to jog on and dodge that bullet fast.

HollowTalk · 03/04/2021 20:12

@deeplyambivalent

My xDP and I had incompatible kinks. He would send me scripts to learn ahead of time. They always started "the headmaster is in his study. There's a knock at the door". So cringey.
I'd send him a script in return. "The husband is cleaning the kitchen. The wife is drinking gin and tonic and watching a movie on Netflix. Now the husband's going to the shops. He won't forget anything. Then he'll come home and be pleasant and cook a nice dinner. Meanwhile the wife is in the bath, chatting to her friend."
AvocadoBathroom · 04/04/2021 00:45

Stay true to your authentic self. You are allowed to have boundaries and choose what you want. Sometimes we forget this. We want to be loved and to connect, we fall in love and forget that we get to choose. If he asked and then will not accept no and instead is dropping hints and not treating you with respect by trying to push your boundaries, it must feel difficult. How do you see the relationship progressing? Can you see yourself happy with this person?

AvocadoBathroom · 04/04/2021 00:51

@Parkerwhereareyou

Thanks for all the replies. The most disturbing comment he made that creeped me out was that he was ‘interested’ in brother/sister role play. It’s a big turn off for me. I told him in no uncertain terms that it was too much and it actually creeped me out.

Say what now???!!!!!! Ok ok I take back my previous post!!! No don't try it!!

Bloody hell. You should have said that at the start. It's certainly a no from me then! Yes let him jog right on!! And he has sisters .......?!!!!! 😱

yep...he needs gone now. Just read the whole thread (my previous post was too soon) and yuk! Even porn actors are starting to get creeped out by the normalising of incest in porn.
WisnaeMe · 04/04/2021 01:43

End this OP 🌸

PyongyangKipperbang · 04/04/2021 01:58

I would agree that this has come from porn. If he had any real experience in the BDSM scene he would know that boundaries are SOLID.

I am not into it myself by have a couple of close friends who are, one of them is very into the "Daddy" thing. Makes me sick in my mouth but its her thing (and her partners). So I can sort of (ish) understand the brother/sister kink but no means no from the start and anyone who truly gets kinks would have accepted that from the word go. They would also have a frank and open conversation about what is a definite yes, what is a definite no and what you are open to explore further.

He sounds like an inexperienced porn addict to be honest.

PyongyangKipperbang · 04/04/2021 02:00

Also....thinking further....... dont the Incels think that sisters should be legally required to have sex with their brothers when the brothers cant get laid?!

Quaagars · 04/04/2021 02:08

So just tell him no
Nothing wrong with stating what he likes, just like you saying what you do.

Quaagars · 04/04/2021 02:15

Thanks for all the replies. The most disturbing comment he made that creeped me out was that he was ‘interested’ in brother/sister role play. It’s a big turn off for me

Brother/sister type role play in a sexual relationship?!
HELL TO THE FUCK NO if so lol, what does that even mean????
I say this as a sister who has grown up with a similar aged brother!

If it wasn't important to him, he wouldn't keep bringing it up and hinting

exactly

gutful · 04/04/2021 02:20

Why have you chosen to make someone who makes you feel uncomfortable in the bedroom your “partner” ? That doesn’t sound like someone you should be partnering up with.

AnotherBoredOne · 04/04/2021 02:27

Nope.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 04/04/2021 02:35

That would be a flat No from me.
You're not compatible, you never will be - he wants to explore these areas and you don't.
Unless you're prepared to have an "open" relationship [hint: they rarely work out] so he can explore without you but with someone else, then you can't stay together because it will always be there - in your mind as a fear he will try to push it on you again, and in his as frustration that you won't at least try it.

I agree it's likely come from porn, or from his own past history (which would be VERY worrying given the brother/sister thing!) - but either way, it's not for you, so you need to split up.

It's a very BIG thing in a relationship, to be this incompatible - and can only lead to future pain, so best rip off the plaster now.

dustydaffs · 04/04/2021 02:43

[quote Mustardsocks]@Workinghardeveryday he said that’s fine, then brought it up again a few weeks later. It’s like dropping hints all the time.[/quote]
That's a LTB situation then. He's showing you zero respect and sees what he wants as more important.

user1481840227 · 04/04/2021 02:47

I'd definitely end it. You're not compatible sexually, why run the risk of developing deeper feelings for him when you already know that?

subbysammiexoxo · 04/04/2021 03:38

Tell him upfront and give him the option to be okay with that or not, you are making him seem like a sexual deviant and people are being quite nasty about him when he actually hasn't done anything wrong yet. As a female into BDSM I am typically upfront with a partner and will always explain I prefer that but I am into whatever a partner is roughly and don't expect anyone to be into that. You need to clarify with him further expectations etc before just posting on here

subbysammiexoxo · 04/04/2021 03:45

I have just read the incestual stuff and most including myself are absolutely not into anything like that, however I still believe if you are not into that then end it do not come on here and blast certain people.

TooManyAnimals94 · 04/04/2021 04:22

A lot of posters on this thread need to calm down. Lot's of people get turned on by taboo subjects like incest/watersports and all kinds of weird shit. Most won't ever even be brave enough to bring it up with a partner which is why those porn categories are pretty popular. I agree these are pretty hard-core kinks but liking a bit of BDSM DOES NOT mean you need therapy. Who needs men policing our sexuality when you have women telling other women they are unwell based on their turn ons?

stablefeet · 04/04/2021 07:24

@TooManyAnimals94

A lot of posters on this thread need to calm down. Lot's of people get turned on by taboo subjects like incest/watersports and all kinds of weird shit. Most won't ever even be brave enough to bring it up with a partner which is why those porn categories are pretty popular. I agree these are pretty hard-core kinks but liking a bit of BDSM DOES NOT mean you need therapy. Who needs men policing our sexuality when you have women telling other women they are unwell based on their turn ons?
People aren't saying that. They are saying leave him because they are sexually incompatible. But more importantly than that, he won't accept her boundaries, he is badgering her to change her mind. This - is not OK and not what you want from a potential life partner: "*@Workinghardeveryday* he said that’s fine, then brought it up again a few weeks later. It’s like dropping hints all the time."