What is this behaviour by teacher?

[accesstheinternet]

Class of 9 and 10 year olds, about to go into lockdown, the class is talking about what it will be like and asking questions. Suddenly the teacher says out of the blue, first time anything like this has happened "and who will miss Charlie and his bad temper?"

Charlie is shocked and upset and the class sort of murmured "me" and Charlie's mother asks the teacher what was up when she saw her and the teacher said that she had spoken to Charlie and all was fine, apparently Charlie had lost his temper because someone had pushed him in the playground.

Then the next day Charlie comes out in floods of tears, saying that he had written down an instruction he thought had to be written down, the teacher had starting berating him and saying only he would do that, and encouraged the whole class to mock him, he had become upset at the berating and some of the class had laughed.

The teacher is normally fine.

That a strange situation . Does the Charlie belong to you?

Does he have a temper?

So this all happened last year?

I suspect it's not the full story. On its own it's clearly singling out Charlie. If Charlie is a fucking nightmare then it's possible the teacher has shown unparalleled restraint. I don't think we have enough info here.

I suspect Charlie’s version of events might be a little skewed. Or at least only a partial view.

I bet Charlie is normally a PITA.

This is spiteful and bullying.
Teacher has encouraged the class to take the p* out of Charlie. That is wrong.
However "normally fine" that teacher is they've got a vindictive streak.
That poor kid probably feels like shit because of that teacher.
I would feel very upset if I was his parent and want to find out why this teacher thinks it acceptable to humiliate Charlie and get the class to join in.

If this happened exactly as you’ve relayed it, that is categorically not ok and unprofessional in the extreme. It doesn’t matter if Charlie is the most difficult child in the world, their teacher should be treating them with respect and building positive relationships.

Could be anything. Could be that the teacher thought that a bit of gentle teasing would be taken OK by Charlie. If so, Charlie's mother should inform the teacher how Charlie has felt about these things. The teacher may then reflect and change their approach to Charlie. Even if, as others are saying, there is a lot of backstory or if Charlie has misinterpreted or misrepresented what has happened, a frank conversation about Charlie's feelings is needed.

Charlie might not be giving the full story but I had a few nasty, vindictive, belittling teachers so I can believe what he's said is true, though there might be more to it.

Charlie's mum needs to have a conversation with the teacher. Find out exactly what was said,how and why and also let the teacher know that (even if totally innocent) Charlie is upset by it, which will only backfire in the classroom regardless of how well behaved or not Charlie is.

I'm a teacher (in secondary) and good natured, gentle teasing of students and their foibles is part of creating a warm classroom environment. I will rib kids for always being late, always forgetting things - along the lines of declaring it to be a miracle if a kid who's always late turns up on time, telling everyone not to 'do an insert kid name here' if there's a running joke about a particular child in the class who's always doing something wrong, etc. It's all done in love, the kids know I don't mean anything by it, and they love having a giggle at themselves and each other.

I'm wondering whether what Charlie (presumably your child) has reported back to you is a misunderstanding of a teacher trying to make a joke to show Charlie that their earlier temper tantrum was forgiven - 'we won't miss Charlie's temper, will we', said in a kind voice with a wink and a little pat on the shoulder would be the circumstances I'd expect this comment to have been said in. Likewise with the writing down the wrong thing - if I had a child in my class who always does things like that, I'd probably make a joke of it too- 'oh dear, never mind, trust you Charlie!' - said in a lighthearted and affectionate tone, showing it didn't matter and that I found their behaviour endearing.

I'm wondering whether Charlie has misinterpreted the teacher's behaviour and has read what was meant to be kindness as being nasty. Some kids really don't understand sarcasm, for example. If being unkind is totally out of character for the teacher, I'd be more inclined to think this is the explanation.

I am wondering why you're asking this now, as it was clearly an incident that happened a few weeks ago (before lockdown). Also, if it was a few days before lockdown, do bear in mind stress and anxiety levels amongst both teachers and children would have been high. Perhaps the teacher did snap. Perhaps Charlie overreacted. The truth could be somewhere in the middle. I'd contact the teacher, and arrange a meeting to discuss Charlie's feelings about the incidents. Even if it's all been a misunderstanding, the teacher needs to know how Charlie interpreted the comments so that they can adapt their communication with him accordingly in future.

I wonder if misinterpretation of the teacher's intentions matters. Because tbh misbehavin, my teachers behaved similarly to you and though I might smile at the time, I was dying inside.

What you might consider "good natured, gentle teasing" can feel an awful lot like bullying when you are on the receiving end of it.

@lalafafa

I bet Charlie is normally a PITA.

The teacher should know better, however.

There are some kids (my experience is secondary so don’t know about primary) who are tricky and gentle teasing actually builds a better bond.

I have a 15 year old girl in a class who is very difficult. All the other students hate her being in the class because of it. So I will often gently tease her and say luckily for ‘Sarah’ I am off next Thursday or if a new teacher starts I’ll say I’m sure Sarah will like her as much as she does me. “Sarah” has a slight smile on her face because I’m giving her the attention she wants but the rest of the class also feel better because I’m acknowledging the behaviour issues without impacting the entire lesson.

Yeah teachers like msbehavin need to STFU TBH.

I am assuming you are a TA which is how you know so much about it and are experienced in this situation so if something feels off then you are probably right.

Another vote for Charlie being a little bugger and that the teacher will have a very different version of events!

I’m sorry for anyone who had a negative experience of school with teachers who were unkind to them. When I say gentle teasing I mean gentle teasing. The kind a parent does with their child. It’s all part of relationship building and I only ever tease once I know the individual children and the class dynamic very well. Teasing can work really well to build relationships with difficult to reach children - it breaks down barriers and enables them to start to trust you. I know the children who would be mortified if I singled them out and so would naturally never make them feel uncomfortable by joking with them.

The hatred and distrust towards teachers on here is really quite upsetting to read sometimes. I work 70+ hours a week busting a gut for the kids I teach and I genuinely care about all of them as individuals. To be accused of being a bully for using a bit of gentle teasing to build relationships with teenagers - who trust me, aren’t angels when they’re at school - is really a bit much. Funnily enough we are well trained and most of us are pretty good at emotional intelligence. Most of us work with kids because we love them and want the best for them. Sometimes we get things wrong, but for the vast majority of teachers, our hearts are in the right place. Would it kill you to give us a break?! Honestly!

I'm a teacher (in secondary) and good natured, gentle teasing of students and their foibles is part of creating a warm classroom environment. I will rib kids for always being late, always forgetting things - along the lines of declaring it to be a miracle if a kid who's always late turns up on time, telling everyone not to 'do an insert kid name here' if there's a running joke about a particular child in the class who's always doing something wrong, etc. It's all done in love, the kids know I don't mean anything by it, and they love having a giggle at themselves and each other.
That is really not ok.

@toocold54

I am assuming you are a TA which is how you know so much about it and are experienced in this situation so if something feels off then you are probably right.

Good spot.

Yes, if you are a member of staff, you either need to directly raise with the teacher or, if that's not possible or not successful, follow the school's whistleblowing policy.

RachelRavenRoth ah but it is done "in love" so it is fine, apparently. Plus ca change, eh.

@RachelRavenRoth

I'm a teacher (in secondary) and good natured, gentle teasing of students and their foibles is part of creating a warm classroom environment. I will rib kids for always being late, always forgetting things - along the lines of declaring it to be a miracle if a kid who's always late turns up on time, telling everyone not to 'do an insert kid name here' if there's a running joke about a particular child in the class who's always doing something wrong, etc. It's all done in love, the kids know I don't mean anything by it, and they love having a giggle at themselves and each other. That is really not ok.

Why not? Please do enlighten me. In over a decade of teaching, I’ve never had a single complaint from a child or parent. In fact, I’m the teacher the kids beg to have. Because I create a classroom where they feel safe, they have fun, and they know they’re loved. I know them as individuals and over time we become like a big family. And families make fun of each other sometimes. Do you never tease your kids? Poke fun at each other and your silly habits? Of course you do. It’s exactly the same in a classroom.

I agree with totally agree with @RachelRavenRoth and if @msbehavin does not understand why I would be concerned she had made the wrong career choice.

I don't agree with gentle teasing. My son's PE teacher used to constantly call him a muppet. The teacher thought it was just banter but my son didn't understand this type of banter and it used to make him feel totally crap. I gave feedback about it during a school parent questionnaire and the senior leadership team obviously thought it was something to look into because it stopped.

@msbehavin it is hard for other people to understand if they aren’t teachers or haven’t been in a classroom setting properly.