What is this behaviour by teacher?

[accesstheinternet]

Class of 9 and 10 year olds, about to go into lockdown, the class is talking about what it will be like and asking questions. Suddenly the teacher says out of the blue, first time anything like this has happened "and who will miss Charlie and his bad temper?"

Charlie is shocked and upset and the class sort of murmured "me" and Charlie's mother asks the teacher what was up when she saw her and the teacher said that she had spoken to Charlie and all was fine, apparently Charlie had lost his temper because someone had pushed him in the playground.

Then the next day Charlie comes out in floods of tears, saying that he had written down an instruction he thought had to be written down, the teacher had starting berating him and saying only he would do that, and encouraged the whole class to mock him, he had become upset at the berating and some of the class had laughed.

The teacher is normally fine.

@SundayBreakfast

I don’t think school is the place to teach pupils to deal with “gentle teasing”. Some have a home life where teasing or even bullying is the only type of family interaction and being singled out at school makes it feel like there is no respite. Also teasing kids about being late every day is awful - surely some of those kids don’t have much control over their home life and there is a reason they’re often late that goes way beyond a personality quirk.

This. I will never forget a teacher singling out my artwork when I was about 12, saying it was messy. It was not, I was being creative. She just didn’t understand my interpretation.

I think that the only time 'teasing' by teachers could be acceptable is if there was no imbalance of power and that's hardly likely to happen.
Where there is an imbalance of power it could always be considered bullying as the child can not 'gently tease' the teacher back.
This so called 'gentle teasing' can also give other pupils the go ahead to repeat the 'gentle teasing' at other times
I can still recall a teacher in Yr 1 calling me 'Miss Smarty Pants' when I answered questions, I'm now late 50's. This led to a few potential bullying children to chant 'Miss smarty pants' in the playground. We were 5 years old. I wonder if that teacher thought she was 'gently teasing'?

@msbehavin

I know you have bowed out the thread, but just on the off chance you read it,

I understand exactly what you mean. My favourite teachers( and everyone else’s) were the ones who could have a bit of fun and good natured teasing( and who could always take a bit of banter back, and let you know when you went too far.

These teachers got to know the students well, and were the teachers you could confide in and someone like me who was quiet and easily embarrassed was never teased.

You don't know the whole story, so if it's upsetting Charlie to the point he's in tears, you (or his parent, whatever the relationship is) need to speak to the teacher about it.

Could be that the teacher just doesn't realize the effect the 'hilarious teasing' is having - could be that the teacher's a bully.

Personally I grew up in an abusive home and any kind of 'teasing' like that as a child really bothered me and made me feel humiliated because I just wanted to be good and part of the group, and didn't want to be made to feel any more different.

If things that were a consequence of trauma/abuse like lateness, writing down the wrong thing, disorganization etc had been picked out for the class to laugh at I would have felt extremely ashamed, and it only would have cemented the fact that I was the problem. I know I'm not the only student in the world like that, so regardless of who's right or wrong, this teacher should know the effect their words are having.

I feel a bit sorry for misbehavin but to be honest I do agree with the majority.

I don’t think she’s horrible or anything, she’s probably a lovely teacher. Just the same, the power balance isn’t the same and good natured teasing can be upsetting to a child on the receiving end of it. So I think it’s wise to be mindful of this.

msbehavin It's behaviour like yours that creates divisions between children. The fact that you can't see this is appalling. Kids learn these little foibles of each other for themselves but to have it reinforced by the teacher is sickening. You are not the good teacher you think you are.

telling everyone not to 'do an insert kid name here' if there's a running joke about a particular child in the class who's always doing something wrong

It’s honestly hard to imagine how this could be anything other than horrible for the child in question?

@accesstheinternet are you coming back or did you just set this off and let it run......

Are you Charlie..............

I also feel sorry for misbehavin.

I expect her classroom is a happy, fun place and that she is known for good results, popular with pupils and parents alike, capable of being on the receiving end of a joke too.

If you're still reading - if you are several years into your career, you would already know if your teaching style had a negative impact on your students. If they love coming to your class, learn lots, say that they'll miss you at the end of the year, then you're doing ok and don't need to second-guess yourself because some people have had bad experiences at school.

Charlie - sounds off but we don't know the whole story

@msbehavin you sound very like some of my teachers in secondary school. They knew the kids well, brought humour into the class and were well respected. I still remember them 25 years later. In fact that sort of interaction has been present in every adult job I've ever had ( but taken way further) I work with teenagers, on an individual basis and you have to be able to build rapport with them. For some it will be using humour/ banter. Without that they would not engage. For others it wouldn't be right, it's a skill in reading people.

I get there are some teachers who are insensitive and cross the line. Mumsnet has made me never want to be a teacher - ever!!! It's a bloody tough job with little thanks.

@msbehavin I wouldn't worry, you sound like a lovely teacher. I think some people here don't understand the difference between laughing with the kids or laughing at them.

I think enough people have said that either they experienced this and it upset them or that they wouldn’t have liked it that it’s maybe worth thinking about stopping.

I would have hated it, and while I’m far from being that parent I think I would very nicely ask the teacher to knock it off if my child was on the receiving end.

*Having made my earlier comment, just wanted to go back and clarify that I DID enjoy gentle teasing/banter when I was older, ie secondary school. I think there's a big difference between doing it to children and teenagers.

[quote AwaAnBileYerHeid]@msbehavin I wouldn't worry, you sound like a lovely teacher. I think some people here don't understand the difference between laughing with the kids or laughing at them.[/quote]
@AwaAnBileYerHeid I had a teacher like this. Like @msbehavin. He was on the kids level, making fun, laughing WITH them. And didn’t everyone think he was a hoot, they loved him. Except I had depression and anxiety and was really struggling. I didn’t enjoy him taking the piss, no matter how lighthearted he thought he was. If I saw him now I’d give him a piece of my mind.

This is the issue people are raising. Maybe the majority are happy, but you don’t know each and every individual child and that’s why this behaviour isn’t okay.

Maybe the teacher in the OP thought she was behaving fine too. She wasn’t.

Definitely raise it, seems very unprofessional and an uncalled remark to make. I accept with are all human, teacher could be having a rubbish day, or have problems at home etc and may well think it, but to say it in class just isn’t on at all.

msbehavin

I understand your point. Like a PP I remember the fun teachers who used a little gentle teasing to establish rapport with a class, they had a knack for knowing who was up for it and who wasn't, it wasn't a technique they used with quieter pupils. They almost always had better discipline in the classroom. I always felt like they actually had respect for pupils. There were other teachers whose professionalism was beyond question and they ruled the classroom with an iron rod but they had me down as the "council house kid", I was stereotyped and treated with the contempt they thought that stereotype was due, on more than one occasion they made rude and unnecessary comments about my background. The teachers who gently teased saw me as an individual and encouraged me.

@daffodilsandprimroses

I think enough people have said that either they experienced this and it upset them or that they wouldn’t have liked it that it’s maybe worth thinking about stopping.

I would have hated it, and while I’m far from being that parent I think I would very nicely ask the teacher to knock it off if my child was on the receiving end.

The fact that nobody has ever objected to misbehavin's classroom style - pupil, colleague or parent - suggests that she's judged it just fine.

It does sound like the teacher misjudged the situation. That doesn’t make them a bully.

Like other teachers on this thread I also use banter to create a positive and caring classroom environment. If you teach teenage boys you have to be able to out quip them sometimes!

But it is all about what is appropriate and enjoyed by each kids. I would never respond the same way to me quiet kids. Because I know they wouldn’t like it.

As a female teacher it is sometime the only power I have to keep a group of rowdy boys onside. Twice I have had to evacuate classes because a very angry kid was smashing up the room- it was terrifying.

If you want to talk about power dynamics in schools then discuss how the majority of teenage boys have no respect for their female teachers and it is more difficult than ever to find ways to encourage them to get o with work.

"This is the issue people are raising. Maybe the majority are happy, but you don’t know each and every individual child and that’s why this behaviour isn’t okay."

But how many pupils have opened up to a teacher like this, learnt more, found a passion for a subject, decided to go to school today? If kids are making it clear that they enjoy your classes - and believe me teenagers let you know in all sorts of ways if they don't - and parents are telling you that you've done wonders for their child, and you've never had any sort of negative comment about it, then I think I'd chalk it up as 'you can't please everyone.'

@rawlikesushi yes he did have those kids. His favourites became prefects. So as long as those kids had a great time. Screw the kids who are already struggling? I stopped going to school. But hey, those kids had a jolly old time so who cares about wasters like me eh?

I hope you’re not a teach @rawlikesushi if you’re attitude is your can’t please everyone’.

Needs the full story not a half version from charlie or charlies mum

[quote AwaAnBileYerHeid]@msbehavin I wouldn't worry, you sound like a lovely teacher. I think some people here don't understand the difference between laughing with the kids or laughing at them.[/quote]
You see I do honestly think this is problematic.

Laughing with someone is laughing at a shared joke.

Laughing at someone - no matter how great a sense of humour they might appear to have about it - is not the same. If you say ‘wow, Dylan is on time’ and Dylan laughs along you are still laughing at Dylan. There might not be any ill intent but it’s still laughing at someone.

Msbehavin sounds great to me. It sounds as if she knows the kids well and gets the tone right. If a student is getting something wrong, eg being repeatedly late, then they do need to be singled out and the behaviour does need to be addressed. Surely better to take a gentle, good humoured approach like this? Often more effective than a telling off, which can really create divisions between teacher and student.

@msbehavin
I had a teacher like you at school. Trying to make herself look cool by ‘gently teasing’ me. It was not gentle teasing, it was drawing attention to herself at the expense of a pupils mental well-being. She probably had no complaints about her either, because when you chip away at an already fragile state of mind, the pupil is unlikely to have the confidence to try and be heard. Shame on you.