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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Someone WhatsApping before 8am

189 replies

Justreadingtheforum3 · 02/04/2021 10:28

I've possibly irrational rage about this and rather than put up a passive aggressive rant on Facebook for them to see (which to be fair I would never do, but that's how angry I feel) I want to ask if Iabu..

My first day off work this year. I do turn my notifications off on my phone but because I normally get my work stuff coming through at 6am I have it set to turn off between 10 and 6. My phone obviously doesnt realise its bank holiday and not a normal friday and I didnt think to change it (forgot to).

Had a beer last night and was looking forward to a lie in but got a what'Sapp around 7.45am from someone I know and friendly with but haven't spoken to in over a year. No engagement just a link to a justgiving page for a sponsored run. It kicked off my phone notification which in turn starts my Garmin watch vibrating.

I'm not a person who can sleep once woken up and feel sad that my lie in was ruined (I wont get another over the weekend).

Is this horrendous boundaries? I've currently a sponsorship thing myself but wouldnt dream of messaging people a link. I put it in my newsfeed for people to ignore lol. This bloke has never sponsored me.

They've not said hello, how are you or anything. Just a link to their fundraiser in my WhatsApp at 7.45 on a bank holiday.

I'm prepared to be told I'm unreasonable. I personally wouldn't have minded if it was after 9am.

OP posts:
Tinydinosaur · 02/04/2021 17:35

I don't understand why so people make themselves unavailable on their mobiles. Especially now we don't have landlines. What if somebody needs you? What's the big deal with getting a text notification in the night? If you've got a particular person that sends random crap then you can mute them.
I've had to get a taxi in the middle of the night to wake my mum up and tell her to answer her phone.

UseYourIllusion · 02/04/2021 17:52

[quote lightattheendofthetunnel2021]@UseYourIllusion
I just don't think it's healthy having a mobile in your bedroom. No wonder people are struggling with sleep, when you can just reach for your mobile if you wake up in the middle of the night.

We have a landline and that's downstairs too. If there's an emergency we will have to run downstairs but hopefully, emergencies will be few and far between! We have a general rule about no devices in upstairs or in bedrooms (that goes for our kids too - thank goodness that is one thing that has worked brilliantly as they totally accept it now and only read in their bedrooms).[/quote]
If you haven't got the willpower to not pick up a charging mobile in the night you have bigger problems than a phone by your bed.

Out of interest, if there were to be a fire in your property and that fire blocked your stairway, how would you call for help with both phone and landline downstairs?
Same question with burglary. In these parts there has been a fair few burglaries for car keys. How are you calling the police when everything is downstairs?

lightattheendofthetunnel2021 · 02/04/2021 17:52

@ChalkingsIsAGatewayCrime

Totally agree with this. And I'm shocked at how many people bring their mobiles into their bedrooms, really shocked

Why? It's my only clock! And my only torch.

Friends say the same but then it turns out they reach out for the mobile i they can't sleep and ended up going online. Why have that temptation? Why not just have an alarm clock? Do you need a torch?!
lightattheendofthetunnel2021 · 02/04/2021 17:57

@UseYourIllusion My will power is pretty good, thanks but so, so, so many of my friends complain they don't sleep well and it turns out they often reach out for their mobiles in the night if they can't sleep which obviously makes it worse.
I'm a totally non-neurotic person so I don't expect bad things to happen. How on earth did people survive before mobiles and phones in their bedrooms??? Each to their own, but I'm glad we're setting this example to our kids. So many of my friends say their kids don't read as they have their tablets in bed..well, my kids would now not even think of ever having a tablet or TV in their bedroom. That's not to say they spend far too much time gaming downstairs in the evenings and in holidays, but at least we have a tech free zone upstairs. I really don't think it's healthy for kids to have access to their mobiles in the evenings/nights. No wonder some kids are stressed out...

CeibaTree · 02/04/2021 20:48

How loud is your phone set to OP if a single WhatsApp notification can wake you up?

Sometimeswinning · 02/04/2021 20:54

I'm with you op! Completely unreasonable to send that type of message so early. I wouldnt be giving anything either!

The person who sent it got the etiquette of WhatsApp completely wrong.

HappyTodayForNow · 02/04/2021 21:04

I think yanbu purely because thats too early to message most people on a bank holiday esp a link to a just giving page of someone you havent spoke to in over a year thats just plain rude. I love my sleep, and once im awake im awake so can understand your frustration...just because others are awake doesnt mean everyone is. For me if they arent that close, id block them because the closer their race comes the more you messages you will get! You can always unblock them after the race!

KittyMcKitty · 02/04/2021 21:08

Why don’t you just put yr phone properly on silent eg switch volume off on side and then turn volume right down. My phone is always like this.

I can’t see any problems with the time of the message- just sending a link is a tad rude though.

lightattheendofthetunnel2021 · 02/04/2021 21:23

Crazy, crazy world when everyone is having their mobile to bed. I see WhatsApp or text messages like emails - they can be sent anytime, and read anytime. If you have to have your phone by your bed, turn it to silent/turn notifications off.

notacooldad · 02/04/2021 23:55

The person who sent it got the etiquette of WhatsApp completely wrong
Nonsense
The sender sends at their convenience and the recipient reads it at theirs!

Quaagars · 02/04/2021 23:59

Put your phone on silent overnight.
Or disable the wifi whilst you sleep, that's what I do then I don't get loads of notifications ping ponging on my phone all night over how many bubble blast lives I have left or whether somebody has responded to some random comment I made somewhere (I don't effin care, it's 3am lol)
Turn it off so you're blissfully unaware until you turn it back on again.

ChalkingsIsAGatewayCrime · 03/04/2021 00:07

Friends say the same but then it turns out they reach out for the mobile i they can't sleep and ended up going online. Why have that temptation? Why not just have an alarm clock? Do you need a torch?!

I don't have any temptation though. I can't speak for your friends but having my phone next to me causes no problems. It's on silent, I sleep very well.

Sometimeswinning · 03/04/2021 08:40

^^Nonsense
The sender sends at their convenience and the recipient reads it at theirs!^^

Do you understand etiquette? I could call someone at 2am at my convenience and the receiver could choose to answer it if they wish. Wouldnt make it any less rude and thoughtless to call.

itsgettingwierd · 03/04/2021 08:51

It's a message.

If you don't want to be disturbed by people at 7.45am then switch off notifications.

I don't think it's early at all any day and would have my phone switched off if I don't want disturbing 🤷‍♀️

Regeisthebest · 03/04/2021 09:17

Tricky one because whats early for one is late for others & vice versa. To most parents of small children 7.45am is pretty late, and plenty of people I know are up at 5am daily by choice so 7.45 is mid morning for them. Also if you have contacts on other time zones, they may be texting you at what is a reasonable time for them & not realise it’s early / late for you.

I think best to manage your own settings, and ideally sleep with your phone in another room altogether (though I admit I’ve never been able to break my own phone addiction and do that 😂)

PeggyHill · 03/04/2021 09:40

@Regeisthebest

Tricky one because whats early for one is late for others & vice versa. To most parents of small children 7.45am is pretty late, and plenty of people I know are up at 5am daily by choice so 7.45 is mid morning for them. Also if you have contacts on other time zones, they may be texting you at what is a reasonable time for them & not realise it’s early / late for you.

I think best to manage your own settings, and ideally sleep with your phone in another room altogether (though I admit I’ve never been able to break my own phone addiction and do that 😂)

Yes to all of this.

I'm up at 5.30 every day, as are most people I know because we all have young kids and it gets really hot over here by 8am. So even someone who doesn't have much to do with themselves would usually want to be up before the sun because otherwise you have to go out in sweltering hot sun. Plus sun set is early, which limits how long you can be out for in some cases. So, to me, the idea of someone still being in bed at 7.45 is pretty crazy. I see it a lot on MN so I'm guessing it's a UK thing?

I also have friends all over the world and I honestly can't be arsed trying to keep track of time zones and making a note to text someone in 7 hours time because that's when they might get up.

Phonecalls are a bit different, because it is much more demanding of attention. But a text message can be sent at any time and replied to at any time. If the one second beep noise wakes you up then turn your phone off while you sleep. Can't believe anyone would need to be told that.

ddl1 · 03/04/2021 11:02

Do you understand etiquette? I could call someone at 2am at my convenience and the receiver could choose to answer it if they wish. Wouldnt make it any less rude and thoughtless to call.

If you call them (as in, cause a ringing sound) then of course it's inconsiderate to call at 2 a.m. But if you e-mail or text them, then really it's their job to have their mobile on silent or in another room.

shivawn · 03/04/2021 11:10

People message me at all hours, when I wake up in the morning I read through my WhatsApp messages before I get up.

Macncheeseballs · 03/04/2021 11:16

I hate phones in bedrooms

HotelCaliforniaOnRepeat · 03/04/2021 11:17

Most phones have a do not disturb function - allowing specific numbers to call you during that time / or if called twice in quick succession it will ring.
The remainder of alerts will be silenced.

Flowers24 · 03/04/2021 11:19

@Macncheeseballs

I hate phones in bedrooms
I have to as its my alarm?
Cokie3 · 03/04/2021 11:43

Gees, turn your phone OFF overnight. It's not that difficult. And what is with this wearing watches in bed? I can't even sleep with a bracelet on, it irritates me. People have their mobile phone on 24/7 then whinge they get a message. Well, yeah, if you don't switch it off, you probably would. That's why it has an off button. People make themselves a slave to modern technology to the extent they have their mobile on at all hours day and night, and even sleep with a smart watch on.

Um, am I the only one who can't see the very easy solution here? If your phone is off at night, and your watch put away in the draw or on your dresser, then you won't GET any notifications. I see people whingeing about getting messages at odd hours and I just want to bang my head on the desk. The answer is so flipping simple. But people have technology governing their every move, their every breath, their every heartbeat, it's like being hooked up to an IV stand.

Switch the bloody things off! At least when it's not a work day the next day. Any messages, they will be waiting for you when you switch the phone back on, they aren't going anywhere. People have made a rod for their back, and I'm sure I'll have all the excuses in reply as to why a mobile phone needs to be on 24/7. We all managed only 15 - 20 years ago.

notacooldad · 03/04/2021 13:03

Macncheeseballs

I hate phones in bedrooms

I have to as its my alarm?

You can buy an alarm clock for a fiver!!

partyatthepalace · 03/04/2021 13:23

Just turn off all your notifications for everything - you can check it for work when you need to.

It’s just a round Robin the person has sent to all contacts.

You are overreacting at lot - so I assume you are tired - try and have a proper break these few days -

blowinahoolie · 03/04/2021 13:28

silent mode.

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