Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Someone WhatsApping before 8am

189 replies

Justreadingtheforum3 · 02/04/2021 10:28

I've possibly irrational rage about this and rather than put up a passive aggressive rant on Facebook for them to see (which to be fair I would never do, but that's how angry I feel) I want to ask if Iabu..

My first day off work this year. I do turn my notifications off on my phone but because I normally get my work stuff coming through at 6am I have it set to turn off between 10 and 6. My phone obviously doesnt realise its bank holiday and not a normal friday and I didnt think to change it (forgot to).

Had a beer last night and was looking forward to a lie in but got a what'Sapp around 7.45am from someone I know and friendly with but haven't spoken to in over a year. No engagement just a link to a justgiving page for a sponsored run. It kicked off my phone notification which in turn starts my Garmin watch vibrating.

I'm not a person who can sleep once woken up and feel sad that my lie in was ruined (I wont get another over the weekend).

Is this horrendous boundaries? I've currently a sponsorship thing myself but wouldnt dream of messaging people a link. I put it in my newsfeed for people to ignore lol. This bloke has never sponsored me.

They've not said hello, how are you or anything. Just a link to their fundraiser in my WhatsApp at 7.45 on a bank holiday.

I'm prepared to be told I'm unreasonable. I personally wouldn't have minded if it was after 9am.

OP posts:
Original poster
Justreadingtheforum3 · 02/04/2021 13:17

@knocke

Seriously have you never had a bad thought in your life?

Of course I have & I have acted them. What's that got to do with passive aggressive posts on FB?

I've literally never acted on a bad thought. The only way I could tell someone I was upset with them was making a generic Facebook post like "please consider people before sending WhatsApp before 8am on a bank holiday " I knew I was being irrational though.
OP posts:
Original poster
Justreadingtheforum3 · 02/04/2021 13:19

I didn't make that post btw. I wrote it and didnt post it. I came on here instead.

OP posts:
knocke · 02/04/2021 13:26

It's good you didn't act on it, I just think the thought process of a passive aggressive post on FB instead of a private message to the person involved is an odd way of avoiding confrontation.

Original poster
Justreadingtheforum3 · 02/04/2021 13:29

NI'm really good with confrontation. I would have felt awful bringing it up with them. Thankfully I didn't post it because I would have felt equally as awful. At the time I had a proper red mist, but thankfully that's gone now. I don't normally want to respond like that, that said I don't normally feel anger about things. Xx

OP posts:
Original poster
Justreadingtheforum3 · 02/04/2021 13:30

I'm really not good, sorry typos.

OP posts:
Unhomme · 02/04/2021 13:30

I dont take my phone to bed.

LaMainDeFatima · 02/04/2021 13:32

Lack of sleep is a killer. It kills all rationality and patience you may have once had.

Don't resent your friend for it though:

wingsnthat · 02/04/2021 13:35

This is a you problem. It’s 2021. You’re aware you can’t get back to sleep after waking up. You can turn the vibrate function off. You can set your devices to only vibrate with certain contacts. You can turn do not disturb on so you don’t get notifications until you wake up. If you haven’t bothered to set up your devices correctly, it’s your own fault when you’re disturbed and can’t get back to sleep.

Original poster
Justreadingtheforum3 · 02/04/2021 13:37

Thank you. I'll try and manage my phone better.

OP posts:
Cherrysoup · 02/04/2021 13:45

My phone is permanently on silent, I’m a teacher and I don’t want it accidentally going off in class. My mum was annoyed yesterday that I didn’t answer when she rang, but honestly, I was mid planting seeds, hands covered in compost, phone in the house. It’s not a summons.

I had to speak to my boss re not messaging at 6am, it panics me to see a message unless she’s telling me she won’t be in or something. Also, it’s completely unnecessary.

butterpuffed · 02/04/2021 14:14

I'm on a WhatApp group and a couple of them often send messages at gone midnight, grrrrr , so I put it on mute when I go to bed Hmm

Wallywobbles · 02/04/2021 14:29

My phone is on silent and no vibrations for everything. The light flashes though. I have 4 kids I only know if my phones ringing if I see the flash or I'm actually holding it. Never been an issue.

MaLarkinn · 02/04/2021 14:32

Horrendous boundaries lol

I don't own a mobile phone, bliss.

CasperGutman · 02/04/2021 14:52

YANBU. WhatsApp messages, emails, SMS messages etc. are all asynchronous communications. You can send them whenever you want to, and the recipient can read them at a time that's convenient for them.

Don't take a device into your bedroom if you've set it up to give audible alerts in response to events outside your control, unless you want to be alerted to those events.

Iworry2021 · 02/04/2021 14:57

I have my phone on airplane mode at night. Not just to be undisturbed, but I also like to believe it's healthier for me.

wingsnthat · 02/04/2021 14:59

I mean, it’s a long weekend. Just set your devices up now (both your phone and watch separately) so that you won’t be disturbed for the rest of the bank holiday. Easiest thing to do is change the hours of your “do not disturb” settings to accommodate the bank holiday, then “allow calls/messages from” trusted contacts eg your mum

Ofallthethings · 02/04/2021 15:09

It is a bit antisocial to just send a link to a just giving page and not ask how you are etc. However I think 7.45am is an okay time to message and that you're BU to be upset about this. I have my phone on silent all the time , but it's always on me so I noticed it ringing.

fairydustandpixies · 02/04/2021 15:23

Just put your phone on silent when you go to bed and turn it on when you're awake. People who bleat about being woken up from a text need to learn how to use their phone 🙄

littlepattilou · 02/04/2021 15:30

I would have blocked them for this tbh. Not sending a message, (as when IS a good time to message someone anyway, with people working different shifts and days etc...) But for sending me a 'begging for money' message when they haven't been fucked to make contact for a year.

ElderMillennial · 02/04/2021 15:36

@Returnoftheowl

I think just sending a fundraising link with no even attempt at hello is a bit rude. However I don't think it is an unusual/unreasonable time to send a message. It would be an unreasonable time to phone for a conversation. But messages can be left until it is convenient for you. Always remember to turn off notifications, especially if you want to sleep in!
This is exactly what I was going to say.

You should have put your phone on silent or turned off notifications. It's a bank hol, it's like remembering to turn off your alarm.

Morgoth · 02/04/2021 16:01

It’s up to you to put your phone on silent! I speak to many friends on WhatsApp and am in many group chats so often wake up to hundreds of messages that have been sent to people in the group chatting back and forth in the night. I’m also a night owl so might message a group/friend in the middle of the night and then they pick up the conversation again when they’ve read it in the morning.

The whole point of emails and messages is they are sent at the senders convenience and read at the readers convenience. I’d assume 99% of people either put their phone on silent by their bed or turn it off or put it in another room so not to be disturbed at night.

Besides it’s not just messages from friends that get sent in the night - you get notifications for emails from companies, software updates, Teams notifications, social media posts etc.

So yes, YABU. It’s your own fault you didn’t set your phone to silent or extend your do not disturb when you know you wanted to sleep in. How on earth is the sender of a message supposed to know that the recipient doesn’t want to be contacted or is sleeping or napping in the middle of the day or in a meeting or at the cinema or at a funeral?!. The onus is on the recipient to make sure they are not disturbed!

lightattheendofthetunnel2021 · 02/04/2021 16:38

@UseYourIllusion
I just don't think it's healthy having a mobile in your bedroom. No wonder people are struggling with sleep, when you can just reach for your mobile if you wake up in the middle of the night.

We have a landline and that's downstairs too. If there's an emergency we will have to run downstairs but hopefully, emergencies will be few and far between! We have a general rule about no devices in upstairs or in bedrooms (that goes for our kids too - thank goodness that is one thing that has worked brilliantly as they totally accept it now and only read in their bedrooms).

lightattheendofthetunnel2021 · 02/04/2021 17:01

@CasperGutman

YANBU. WhatsApp messages, emails, SMS messages etc. are all asynchronous communications. You can send them whenever you want to, and the recipient can read them at a time that's convenient for them.

Don't take a device into your bedroom if you've set it up to give audible alerts in response to events outside your control, unless you want to be alerted to those events.

Totally agree with this. And I'm shocked at how many people bring their mobiles into their bedrooms, really shocked.
ChalkingsIsAGatewayCrime · 02/04/2021 17:14

Totally agree with this. And I'm shocked at how many people bring their mobiles into their bedrooms, really shocked

Why? It's my only clock! And my only torch.

malmi · 02/04/2021 17:29

I'm going for a nap now so could everyone please STOP REPLYING ON THIS THREAD UNTIL 8PM as the email notification will make my phone ping and I can't put my phone on silent in case there's an emergency with my sponsored donkey in Uganda. It's just a little common decency on your collective part if that's not too much to ask.