Someone WhatsApping before 8am

[Justreadingtheforum3]

I've possibly irrational rage about this and rather than put up a passive aggressive rant on Facebook for them to see (which to be fair I would never do, but that's how angry I feel) I want to ask if Iabu..

My first day off work this year. I do turn my notifications off on my phone but because I normally get my work stuff coming through at 6am I have it set to turn off between 10 and 6. My phone obviously doesnt realise its bank holiday and not a normal friday and I didnt think to change it (forgot to).

Had a beer last night and was looking forward to a lie in but got a what'Sapp around 7.45am from someone I know and friendly with but haven't spoken to in over a year. No engagement just a link to a justgiving page for a sponsored run. It kicked off my phone notification which in turn starts my Garmin watch vibrating.

I'm not a person who can sleep once woken up and feel sad that my lie in was ruined (I wont get another over the weekend).

Is this horrendous boundaries? I've currently a sponsorship thing myself but wouldnt dream of messaging people a link. I put it in my newsfeed for people to ignore lol. This bloke has never sponsored me.

They've not said hello, how are you or anything. Just a link to their fundraiser in my WhatsApp at 7.45 on a bank holiday.

I'm prepared to be told I'm unreasonable. I personally wouldn't have minded if it was after 9am.

WhatsApp doesn’t bother me I have no idea what time something is sent

I have family o/s and WhatsApp is if someone forgets time slightly it’s no big deal as it has zero impact. I don’t know it’s there until I look.

Texting and calling is different - here anyway it would vibrate but no noise

Yes, YABU, because you can put your phone on silent when you don't want to be disturbed, or not keep it in your bedroom. Or connect a watch to it!

If they were actually ringing you and expecting an immediate response at that time, it would be different; but I think it's people's own job to manage their own technology to fit into their own routine.

YANBU, and people can't always put their phone on silent in case of emergencies.
The best solution is to have 2 phones, one for family and emergencies, one for everyone else that you can put on silent when you are not available.

You can make WhatsApp silent without turning phone to silent

It’s such a social app it doesn’t need notification really

I get your frustration! You were robbed of a lie in. whose ''fault'' it was is not going to give you back your lie in!

My phone keeps making noises and when I look, there's no new message, so I'm baffled.

OP
Now there's been a lot more info from you since the first post, which I answered.

I am really so very sorry. For someone to have gone to the effort of having a fake facebook page etc. and changing how his name is spelt, is one thing. But for that to be a person you thought you knew, were in love with and thought you were maybe even going to be with forever, is quite another.

Very unfair of him. Hard to know exactly what his plan was, but sadly yes as you've found out, you can't build a future relationship with a guy you've never seen properly, even in lockdown. I suppose he did show pics of his face etc? Or was it just his dick?! ...

You know what you have to do. Don't worry. The humiliation and the bad feeling about what you did when reeling from the first shock ... will die down. You know it will. This will all become a thing of the past.

What we should be talking about here, rather than everyone chipping in about 'telling the wife' (I disagree so fundamentally with that approach that I won't even start on it!) - we should be helping you cope with what is now a giant hole in your day, your life, your future.

This was real. The feelings were real. The communication was real. And now it's all evaporated. And we are talking around six months here, so not that long, but still long enough to have become something you relied on.

It's all gone, but you're still here, and your feelings, and your sense of loss.

OP, you have no choice - you have to let yourself cry this one out. It's all going to die down with time. Probably your absolutely best way of feeling better the quickest is to find a real person to ... (sorry, but) ... fuck your brains out.

(Sisters, sisters - quiet, please!! Keep it down! : D)

Yes, yes, I'm so shocking. OMG. No I'm not. We all know that if the OP met a genuine guy tomorrow and had a whole week of amazing sex, fake facebook guy would seem a lot less important.

This all about perspective. You need some.

1. He's gone. Let it go.
2. You did something stupid but can't change it now so whatever.
3. Be careful with the wine.
4. Find someone real to distract you. And who knows. That might work out.

It's annoying. But if you want a lie in put your phone where you can't hear it or turn it off.

@lightattheendofthetunnel2021

Totally understand you need a break. I'm a bit shocked to hear how many people have their mobile phones in their bedrooms - buy an alarm clock and leave mobiles on charge in another area of your home.

Why? I have no landline. If there were an emergency in the night I'm not faffing around trying to find my phone in another area of my home, added to this if elderly relatives needed me urgently I wouldn't hear their call. I also have a separate alarm clock.

I wouldn't send a generic message to all my contacts before 9am - especially a request for sponsorship. Don't backtrack too much OP! Enjoy the rest of your bank holiday!

I have my dnd set for holidays/weekends and have to remember to turn it off every weekday morning. I’d far rather miss a work notification that a lie in

I turn my phone off at night. My landline is there for life or death calls. (Basically death, as there won't be any more babies in the family).

@Parkerwhereareyou

OP Now there's been a lot more info from you since the first post, which I answered.

I am really so very sorry. For someone to have gone to the effort of having a fake facebook page etc. and changing how his name is spelt, is one thing. But for that to be a person you thought you knew, were in love with and thought you were maybe even going to be with forever, is quite another.

Very unfair of him. Hard to know exactly what his plan was, but sadly yes as you've found out, you can't build a future relationship with a guy you've never seen properly, even in lockdown. I suppose he did show pics of his face etc? Or was it just his dick?! ...

You know what you have to do. Don't worry. The humiliation and the bad feeling about what you did when reeling from the first shock ... will die down. You know it will. This will all become a thing of the past.

What we should be talking about here, rather than everyone chipping in about 'telling the wife' (I disagree so fundamentally with that approach that I won't even start on it!) - we should be helping you cope with what is now a giant hole in your day, your life, your future.

This was real. The feelings were real. The communication was real. And now it's all evaporated. And we are talking around six months here, so not that long, but still long enough to have become something you relied on.

It's all gone, but you're still here, and your feelings, and your sense of loss.

OP, you have no choice - you have to let yourself cry this one out. It's all going to die down with time. Probably your absolutely best way of feeling better the quickest is to find a real person to ... (sorry, but) ... fuck your brains out.

(Sisters, sisters - quiet, please!! Keep it down! : D)

Yes, yes, I'm so shocking. OMG. No I'm not. We all know that if the OP met a genuine guy tomorrow and had a whole week of amazing sex, fake facebook guy would seem a lot less important.

This all about perspective. You need some.

1. He's gone. Let it go.
2. You did something stupid but can't change it now so whatever.
3. Be careful with the wine.
4. Find someone real to distract you. And who knows. That might work out.

I think you have replied to the wrong thread. Xx

Thanks everyone for not ripping me a new one.

My WhatsApp isnt very social. I don't have any group messages etc. This particular person has just my number saved so must have done a message to everyone on his list.

I do use WhatsApp for work, it does annoy me but that's another story. Its a personal phone not a work phone. Its mainly builders sending my photographs of paperwork because they don't have email. Its paperwork I need to I just allow this to happen. Construction sites are open early which is why I get this stuff early as they need responses to it. I don't have a landline either. Ordinarily it's a none issue and I'm happy for notifications to come at 6am. It's just this morning I wanted a bit extra sleep.

I am feeling a lot more awake and been out enjoying the garden. Thanks for the replies.

and rather than put up a passive aggressive rant on Facebook for them to see (which to be fair I would never do, but that's how angry I feel)'

Why would this enter your head in the first place?

YANBU, not everyone can have their phones on silent (emergency contacts). I had a similar rude awakening by a teacher’s message on Class Dojo at 11.30 at night. Didn’t have my phone on silent as my daughter was due to go into labour.

Your anger is misdirected at this person. You should be angry with yourself for not putting your phone on silent if you didn’t want to be disturbed

So you're angry because you forgot to silence your phone...
What is it with people on MN today getting precious about 8am 😂🤦🏻‍♀️.

Although I would also say if you can't get back to sleep after a single notification ping you probably don't need to.

Coming from someone who clearly has no experience with sleep issues

What a silly thing to be angry about and only at yourself at that. You were probably on a broadcast list and got the message. Your phone is entirely in your control so you could have avoided this.

8am is a completely acceptable time, I'd say any time after 7 however it's is 100% your responsibility to turn of notifications.

I'd be devastated if my lie in was interrupted so you have my sympathy but its your fault not the other person.

I'm with you OP. I think it is inconsiderate and his message was rude and entitled.

Ignore the imbeciles who say turn your phone off. What if you have an elderly or sick parent that might need you in the middle of the night? Not everyone can turn their phones off.

Hope you get some rest today

@knocke

and rather than put up a passive aggressive rant on Facebook for them to see (which to be fair I would never do, but that's how angry I feel)'

Why would this enter your head in the first place?

Because I was genuinely that angry. I've had a tough year (as I know every one has), my work has decide for the second year running to take my holidays off me to keep my job, today was the only day available for a lie in... today actually feels like what was supposed to be my holiday. I felt so upset that a person that I dont have any engagements with woke me up just to ask me for money. I can't do confrontation, I'm a people pleaser and no way could I tell them they've upset me.

I've never made a passive aggressive status in my life. I literally reigned my neck and come here to ask if I was unreasonable. I've been told I am and I accept that. Seriously have you never had a bad thought in your life?

@Itwasgoodwhileitlasted

I'm with you OP. I think it is inconsiderate and his message was rude and entitled.

Ignore the imbeciles who say turn your phone off. What if you have an elderly or sick parent that might need you in the middle of the night? Not everyone can turn their phones off.

Hope you get some rest today

Thank you. Its lack of sleep making me irrational. I'm not normally this sensitive. Xx

Honestly thank you for all the replies good and bad. I've not had a thread on here before. X

Seriously have you never had a bad thought in your life?

Of course I have & I have acted them. What's that got to do with passive aggressive posts on FB?