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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to forget to change the duvet?

327 replies

MimiPigeon · 02/04/2021 08:35

Can someone please tell me who is BU here? I simply don’t know any more.

DH went away on Wed night for work. My DM (bubble) had a pizza and movies sleepover with me and DC. There are 2 bedrooms so DM slept in the double bed and I slept with DC so she wouldn’t be disturbed. The next day I did all the laundry and cleaned so the house would be nice for the bank holiday weekend. I forgot to change the bedding.

DH came home last night and took his suitcase upstairs. I was in the bathroom washing DC after a poo incident. Then we went upstairs to say hello.

DH didn’t even greet us or kiss us. Instead he started yelling because I hadn’t changed the duvet that my DM had slept on. He was screaming this is the same duvet that was on the bed when I left! Am I supposed to change the duvet at this time of night? We don’t have a clean one because the spare duvet got a hole and was thrown out, so that means I’ll have to strip the bed and sleep with no sheets!

I know I forgot to change the bedding but I just think his behaviour was unacceptable. I went in DCs room and locked the door and I’ve stayed in here all night.

OP posts:
Shrivelled · 02/04/2021 15:28

YABU I change my sheets every hour even the guest beds that never get slept in. In fact I spend every waking minute of every day washing and changing bedding.

Shrivelled · 02/04/2021 15:32

Love a competitive MN bedding washing thread 😂

Garlia · 02/04/2021 16:06

@Shrivelled

YABU I change my sheets every hour even the guest beds that never get slept in. In fact I spend every waking minute of every day washing and changing bedding.
I hope you boil wash them with Zoflora. Otherwise that's not enough and you're disgusting.
nanbread · 02/04/2021 16:25

Yeah this is abusive, not normal, and you need to run a fucking mile

Can you get a new job first?

There are probably millions of women who've been in your position, felt like they can't leave because of DC and their job, but with the right support you can move on. Trust me as someone who grew up with it, it will not do your DC ANY favours to be growing up in this abusive environment.

99victoria · 02/04/2021 16:28

In our house, I strip the sheets in the morning every 2 weeks or so (whenever I think about it) and then my husband puts a new set back on because he goes to bed before me so he can't go to bed without making the bed up :)

All those people saying its disgusting not to change the sheets - it was only a few generations ago that in lots of families several people would share a bed out of necessity!

AliceAliceWhoTheFook · 02/04/2021 16:33

@FiveShelties

I would hate to sleep in a bed which someone else had slept in. Definitely yuck.
Agreed
FireflyRainbow · 02/04/2021 16:37

My partner of over 5 years wouldn't dare shout at me. He knows it's not acceptable and I wouldn't stand for it. Your husband sounds vile OP.

AliceAliceWhoTheFook · 02/04/2021 16:37

@MimiPigeon

Not changing the duvet cover is disgusting I forgot. I was busy cleaning shit off his child and doing all his laundry that he’d dumped in the basket earlier in the week. It wouldn’t have killed him to sleep on it for one night. I just don’t think a duvet justifies screaming at your wife. He obviously thinks otherwise.
Clearly he shouldn't be screaming at you. That is appalling behaviour.

But it does sound like it doesn't seem like you have different views on cleanliness. You clearly think it's ok to change sheets once a week doesn't matter who's slept in them. It didn't cross your mind to give clean sheets to your mum, not clean sheets after she had slept in them. Personally I think that's disgusting. Absolutely unacceptable that he screamed at you though.

FireflyRainbow · 02/04/2021 16:37

Though I wouldn't sleep in a bed his mum has slept in to be honest. But he should not have shouted.

2bazookas · 02/04/2021 16:41

Go online and buy several more duvet and sheet sets. He's worth it, so use your shared account.

AliceAliceWhoTheFook · 02/04/2021 16:42

@thebillyotea

I put clean bedding on for guests but I don't strip the bed when I've stayed somewhere.... and I don't expect my guests to either. None of us do that.

unless the house has a maid, it's extremely rude not to! Shock

Absolutely!

Two things:

Standard
Manners

MangoBiscuit · 02/04/2021 16:44

Fuck that shit. I'd probably be petty for now and show him what lazy and selfish actually looked like. No more cooking for him, no more laundry, he can do that himself. And with my new found free time, I would start getting my ducks in a row to LTB.

He had ample opportunity to send you an ingredients list, or a recipe, and to ask you add lamb to the shopping list. He didn't. He has set you up to "fail" in his eyes so he can strop and blame you for it. Bollocks to that, you don't deserve to be anyone's emotional punch bag.

thebillyotea · 02/04/2021 16:49

@Shrivelled

Love a competitive MN bedding washing thread 😂
this one is more a competitive slattern thread Grin

People always fall over themselves about it, but being smug about having sex on the sofa when you have young kids in the house using same sofa... it takes the whole thing to another level entirely!

If it wasn't for the kids it would be funny.

TheJerkStore · 02/04/2021 16:53

Standard
Manners

Says who?
I've spent two decades travelling around staying at uni friends houses and they've stayed at mine and none of us have ever stripped the bed upon leaving. Are we all wrong?

Or maybe, and I know people on mn find this hard to comprehend, we all do things differently?

TheJerkStore · 02/04/2021 16:55

People always fall over themselves about it, but being smug about having sex on the sofa when you have young kids in the house using same sofa... it takes the whole thing to another level entirely!

Personally we wait until DS is out of the house ..... less chance of him walking in 😉

FangsForTheMemory · 02/04/2021 16:55

He sounds a total wanker to me. If I were you I'd start planning life without him.

4amWitchingHour · 02/04/2021 16:57

@thebillyotea

UrAWizHarry

you have low standards, I have not 🤷

You have ridiculously high standards.
Hopeisnotastrategy · 02/04/2021 16:58

Save the lamb dinner money OP and treat yourself to some new bedding. He'll no doubt make a drama about cooking the dinner, so save yourself the aggro, give him beans on toast and wallow in your lovely new bedding.

He sounds vile. 😞

Ohpulltheotherone · 02/04/2021 17:12

Your husband sounds like an absolute prize wanker. I’d love to know does he shout and scream at his colleagues and peers when something isn’t to his satisfaction? Or does he save that kind of behaviour just for you?

If my husband raised his voice to me over something like this (I don’t think you should go around shouting at people but sometimes mutual arguments happen - that’s life) then he’d be told quite simply the next time he did that would he the last time.

I bet you my entire Easter egg stash that he wouldn’t fucking dream of speaking to his colleague or friend the same way.

toocold54 · 02/04/2021 17:22

I don’t know why you’re still together you obviously both don’t like each other very much.

billy1966 · 02/04/2021 17:40

What a nasty abusive man.

It sounds like her is always shouting at you about something.

Get copies of all financials and look at your options.

This is not a good environment for children and you deserve so much better.

Nasty bully.
You poor woman.
Flowers

NettleTea · 02/04/2021 17:50

you say you are financially dependant, but I suspect the business is reliant on you and you are probably working for far less than your worth. These men often do like to work their wives for a pittance

does your wage go into your account, or is he on some tax dodge fiddle and it disappears

anyways. You need to leave because you have children, otherwise they will see and absorb this behaviour and think it is normal.

My ex was a big shouter and rager and it was having my daughter that finally gave me the push to end it. I didnt want that to be her normal. For a long time she didnt see him because his behaviour frightened her. Thats good. It SHOULD frighten her, because its not good behaviour. She has good instincts now she is a young woman, she can spot red flags and she can see through alot of mens bullshit. She wont put up with the crap that I put up with. And her brother will never treat a woman like that.

So for them. You need to leave

Grapewrath · 02/04/2021 18:10

You are both unreasonable
He is massively unreasonable for the way he reacted and screaming at you
Yabu for not washing the sheets as a priority. If I’d been away and came home exhausted I’d be really pissed off id my bed wasn’t clean even more so if my mil had slept on them. I’d find that grim

Hhusky · 02/04/2021 18:15

He is unreasonable with his behaviour! For goodness sake he could have stuck them in the wash! Yes I wouldn't be overjoyed if my bedding wasn't washed after someone else had slept in it but that's a totally over the top reaction. Does he get on like this for other things?

GuildfordGal · 02/04/2021 18:18

He is massively unreasonable for the way he reacted and screaming at you

Yabu for not washing the sheets as a priority

On balance, being an abusive bully is probably worse than laundry skill sets. This ^^ doesn't half sound like victim blaming.

I'm stunned that people are now aware that they're reading a thread about an OP realising that her husband is abusive, and posters still think that it's constructive to bleat about the OP's fucking laundry.

Swipe left for the next trending thread