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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to forget to change the duvet?

327 replies

MimiPigeon · 02/04/2021 08:35

Can someone please tell me who is BU here? I simply don’t know any more.

DH went away on Wed night for work. My DM (bubble) had a pizza and movies sleepover with me and DC. There are 2 bedrooms so DM slept in the double bed and I slept with DC so she wouldn’t be disturbed. The next day I did all the laundry and cleaned so the house would be nice for the bank holiday weekend. I forgot to change the bedding.

DH came home last night and took his suitcase upstairs. I was in the bathroom washing DC after a poo incident. Then we went upstairs to say hello.

DH didn’t even greet us or kiss us. Instead he started yelling because I hadn’t changed the duvet that my DM had slept on. He was screaming this is the same duvet that was on the bed when I left! Am I supposed to change the duvet at this time of night? We don’t have a clean one because the spare duvet got a hole and was thrown out, so that means I’ll have to strip the bed and sleep with no sheets!

I know I forgot to change the bedding but I just think his behaviour was unacceptable. I went in DCs room and locked the door and I’ve stayed in here all night.

OP posts:
Lalliella · 02/04/2021 11:43

He sounds horrible OP. Vile and abusive. Those are minor things and he’s making massive issues out of them.

And this thread really is mumsnet at its worst with people lining up to say the duvet thing is disgusting so they can feel smug about themselves. I’ll tell you what’s actually disgusting - the lack of empathy of those posters and the abusive behaviour of the husband.

icdtap · 02/04/2021 11:45

They don't have a spare clean duvet though? So she couldn't have changed it anyway...

And now they don't have the ingredients that this Prince among men needs to bake something for Easter because the "selfish and lazy" (his words, not mine) OP did not buy them despite him not telling her what he needed.

Nothing will ever be right for him.

Original poster
MimiPigeon · 02/04/2021 11:46

Obv this is all woman's work
I said we can go to Asda today or tomorrow, just for what he needs to do a roast. But apparently it’s too late because he wanted lamb and there’ll be no lamb left, and it’s my fault for not buying lamb yesterday. It’s the principle you see, not the actual duvet or lamb - I’m lazy and only think about myself.

OP posts:
GladysTheGroovyMule · 02/04/2021 11:46

@MimiPigeon

is he normally like this? He’s had another screaming fit this morning because I haven’t been shopping and bought the food he wants for Easter. He wanted to cook a roast and bake a cake on Sunday but I didn’t know what ingredients he wanted so I didn’t buy any when I went to Asda yesterday. I thought it was more sensible for him to choose a recipe and pop down to the supermarket himself today or tomorrow. He’s yelling that I’m selfish and lazy and I’ve ruined Easter. Even though he was sitting peacefully in a hotel on Wed night and I asked him to send me a list of ingredients he wanted me to buy on Thurs but he didn’t.
I think you could have done everything “right” (changed all the bedding over, got the ingredients he wanted because you are telepathic) and basically been the perfect wife. And he still would have lost his shit at you because he is an abusive person. He would have found something else to lose his shit about. Those types always find something. I hope that you and your child are as ok as you can be. And I’m glad that you seem to realise that how you’re being treated is not acceptable. It took me years to realise how my ex treated me wasn’t ok.
felulageller · 02/04/2021 11:50

Telling at your do is domestic violence regardless of the context.

Why are people discussing laundry?!

icdtap · 02/04/2021 11:50

It’s the principle you see, not the actual duvet or lamb - I’m lazy and only think about myself.

Exactly. No matter what you do, he will always find something wrong.
Do you want to live like this for the rest of your life?

@MimiPigeon Have you considered posting in relationships about this where you would get some more balanced advice? This thread has just brought out a whole load of people fixated on the disgusting duvet and it's really unhelpful.

Inthevirtualwaitingroom · 02/04/2021 11:51

you can buy duvet covers for a tenner,
i have too many masses

but he was appalling

dementedpixie · 02/04/2021 11:51

If you had bought lamb it would.likely have been the 'wrong lamb' anyway.

He can buy his own lamb and ingredients

ElderMillennial · 02/04/2021 11:52

This thread has just brought out a whole load of people fixated on the disgusting duvet and it's really unhelpful.

You mean people are "fixated" on OP's original question? OP has posted "AIBU to forget to change the duvet" so that is the question many people are answering.

Inthevirtualwaitingroom · 02/04/2021 11:53

oh bless you op, he sounds wrong in his treatment of you

FiveShelties · 02/04/2021 11:53

@WaterBottle123 but I don't sleep on other people's sofas. I sit on them fully clothed and hope they do the same on my sofa. Surely you can see the difference between sitting for a short time on a sofa and sleeping overnight in a bed.

Original poster
MimiPigeon · 02/04/2021 11:55

MimiPigeon Have you considered posting in relationships about this
That might be a good idea. Now he’s yelling about having to cook on Sunday in the first place. But why does he cook on special occasions? Because he whinges that my cooking isn’t good enough for a special occasion. So I said ok I’ll cook for Easter? And he said no because your cooking isn’t good enough! 🤷‍♀️

OP posts:
FiveShelties · 02/04/2021 11:55

@MimiPigeon

is he normally like this? He’s had another screaming fit this morning because I haven’t been shopping and bought the food he wants for Easter. He wanted to cook a roast and bake a cake on Sunday but I didn’t know what ingredients he wanted so I didn’t buy any when I went to Asda yesterday. I thought it was more sensible for him to choose a recipe and pop down to the supermarket himself today or tomorrow. He’s yelling that I’m selfish and lazy and I’ve ruined Easter. Even though he was sitting peacefully in a hotel on Wed night and I asked him to send me a list of ingredients he wanted me to buy on Thurs but he didn’t.
Honestly if he is shouting at this why are you with him?
Original poster
MimiPigeon · 02/04/2021 11:57

If you had bought lamb it would.likely have been the 'wrong lamb' anyway
I texted him a photo of lamb from Tesco on Monday but it was the “wrong lamb” so I didn’t buy it. But apparently it’s also wrong to buy no lamb and tell him to go to the shop and pick his own lamb 🤷‍♀️

OP posts:
dementedpixie · 02/04/2021 11:57

@MimiPigeon

MimiPigeon Have you considered posting in relationships about this That might be a good idea. Now he’s yelling about having to cook on Sunday in the first place. But why does he cook on special occasions? Because he whinges that my cooking isn’t good enough for a special occasion. So I said ok I’ll cook for Easter? And he said no because your cooking isn’t good enough! 🤷‍♀️
I'd be ordering myself a takeaway!
Original poster
MimiPigeon · 02/04/2021 11:58

Honestly if he is shouting at this why are you with him?
I work for the family business that he owns, and we have DC. I don’t have a way out financially or otherwise. I don’t even know what is or isn’t abusive any more. Hence why I asked.

OP posts:
jessstan2 · 02/04/2021 12:01

@MimiPigeon

what were you expecting him to do, sleep in the bedding your mum had used? I would have changed it, but again I FORGOT.
Unless mum was dirty I fail to see it would hurt him. I'm sure she bathes.

OP, I presume you mean duvet cover and not duvet. Do buy another set.

However your husband is stupid and unreasonable. I can't even begin to imagine anyone shouting about such things. Does he regard you as a house maid?

jessstan2 · 02/04/2021 12:04

@MimiPigeon

Honestly if he is shouting at this why are you with him? I work for the family business that he owns, and we have DC. I don’t have a way out financially or otherwise. I don’t even know what is or isn’t abusive any more. Hence why I asked.
He was very abusive!

The family business can't be doing so well if you live in such a small place and only have one duvet cover.

Please try to find a different job so you can be independent of this horrible man.

I can't get over a grown man shouting about something so trivial, he thinks he can dominate you.

TheNorthWind · 02/04/2021 12:05

Oh OP. Does he tell you you're shit at work too?

You're normal. Not perfect, not terrible, just normal. And in a shit relationship.

He however is terrible.

Get to Relationships and get some help to find your way out. You deserve a better life than this.

LittleBearPad · 02/04/2021 12:05

Tell him to go buy his own lamb.

Go out for the day with the kids.

jessstan2 · 02/04/2021 12:07

@MimiPigeon

Obv this is all woman's work I said we can go to Asda today or tomorrow, just for what he needs to do a roast. But apparently it’s too late because he wanted lamb and there’ll be no lamb left, and it’s my fault for not buying lamb yesterday. It’s the principle you see, not the actual duvet or lamb - I’m lazy and only think about myself.
I don't believe absolute nowhere has any lamb left.

The man really is a bully, I do not know how you put up with it. How old is your child or children (sorry if you've already said)?

MollyButton · 02/04/2021 12:07

Please go to Relationships!
This is abusive on so many levels.
Are you actually married? If so that seems to be the one bright spot.

You need to get out of this for yourself and your children - you don't want them growing up thinking this is normal.
But it might take a while to extricate yourself.

icdtap · 02/04/2021 12:07

MimiPigeon Have you considered posting in relationships about this
That might be a good idea. Now he’s yelling about having to cook on Sunday in the first place. But why does he cook on special occasions? Because he whinges that my cooking isn’t good enough for a special occasion. So I said ok I’ll cook for Easter? And he said no because your cooking isn’t good enough!

Go over to relationships and post more about the backstory and some examples of incidents which have occurred so that you can get other people's perspectives on this.

tinglymint · 02/04/2021 12:08

Unless my MIL sweats profusely during the night I wouldn't give a shit about spending one night in the bedding she's slept on the night before Confused

He had no right to scream at you over this. He's a dick.

Hopefully you can put it down to him being tired and crabby from working and getting home late.

I recommend Dunelm for a lovely soft bedding set Grin

Baxdream · 02/04/2021 12:10

I have to admit if my MIL slept in my bed, which is grim anyway, and I came home to the sheets being the same I'd be in a bad mood.
I actually can see where he's coming from.
We all say/do things when we're tired and they come out wrong so I can see why he was annoyed

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